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4 Bumps

Can I trust my husband who has lied to me about porn?

2 1/2 years ago he was caught watching porn and it upset our home. Now, he confessed that for the last 8 months he has been doing it again. Mind you....I asked occasionally if he was he said no. He would get upset with me and ask when I would be able to get over this. Well.....here we are again. My biggest issue is that I did trust, and he blind sided me with it, the deciet, the lies for so long. No he is reading and attending counseling, but I just dont know if I can even try to trust again. I love him, but now I wonder what else......my peace and joy and trust are gone!!! Can I rec0ver completely is what I want to know. I dont want to be teh police or his mom. I need him to be my confidant and friend. What do you all think?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:19 AM on May. 16, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (21)
  • Well just like any addiction trust is broken,continue to seek God he will help you heal as long as you are serving him he will continue to restore things. I know it seems like you will never make it but you can and there is hope just look up I know it sounds corny but it is the truth.
    mammaangelof4

    Answer by mammaangelof4 at 7:27 PM on May. 16, 2011

  • Why does him watching porn bother you so bad?? I think that should be addressed first. I can see why you are upset about him lying, but I don't understand why him watching porn bothers you that bad, that it devastated your family.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:42 AM on May. 16, 2011

  • rule out the cause first ! is he depressed or under work pressure, for which he is trying to distract himself? on the other hand perhaps hes got extra spare time, if u r a religious sort, do try going for worship, or get involved in some meaning ful activity, if u hav kids,play with them,go for aswim...etc
    doctormom2011

    Answer by doctormom2011 at 6:33 AM on May. 16, 2011

  • I have to agree with the past few posters.... but that is just my opinion, I see nothing wrong with porn unless it is an addiction. But If you two have discussed it and agreed then maybe try some new positions or a date night? Try bringing romance back! Yes he lied and I would be hurt by that too but maybe sit down and ask him what he is missing. GL and I hope I didn't come off as rude.
    June_Mama09

    Answer by June_Mama09 at 6:59 AM on May. 16, 2011

  • Watching porn is not a bad thing. Would u rather him fuck someone else? I do agree with lying it is not right but when your on your mate all the time it gets irritating so then they just tell you what you want to hear? Are you not having sex with him? Y does it bother you so bad?
    amberlove123

    Answer by amberlove123 at 6:49 AM on May. 16, 2011

  • if u can understand that its an addiction, than u must realize that addictions take some extra time ,than other body disorders, the best part is he is WILLING FOR TREATMENT ,u should do some thing for yr anxiety as well, dont make it a great subject of yr thought process, perhaps u too will start anti depressants ! what hes doing is not right ,but every body makes mistakes,and then learn..,its a test to develop more patience and love than anxiety ! u can do it...wish u all the best!
    doctormom2011

    Answer by doctormom2011 at 7:19 AM on May. 16, 2011

  • You said your daughter is disgusted by this. Did she catch him or did you all talk about this in front of her?

    Alanaplus3

    Answer by Alanaplus3 at 8:29 AM on May. 16, 2011

  • I love the responses that say "watching porn is not a bad thing" blah blah blah, but I love even more the response "not all women like their men watching porn". I personally do not care if my DH looks at pictures or watches videos of porn but he can't and doesn't stop there. Just because some wives, girlfriends, women do mind their S/O watches or looks at porn doesn't automatically make us insecure. I for one am not insecure as a woman, I am however insecure as a wife, partner and lover to my DH because he has a porn addiction and can't just stop at looking. 9 times out of 10 when he lied and I asked why he lied, his general response was "Because I knew you'd get mad" but he did it anyway knowing in the back of his mind I would get mad. I suggest you join the group on CM, Wives of a Porn Addict. Whether he is addicted or not, the group is helpful and supportive and the women are amazing. Best of luck!
    daina82

    Answer by daina82 at 9:22 AM on May. 16, 2011

  • Some people will say it's no big deal, it's just porn. I think it is a big deal, he is lying. And, it personally would bother me-him doing porn.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:43 AM on May. 16, 2011

  • Thank you for your thoughts.........He has read the book Every Mans Battle....and started counseling, we do go to church and worship....so he is feeling stronger and I cant shake to feelings of...what next? how long will this last? how far will it go? will he be honest? which thats the problem honesty. he is not deprived, just an addiction to viewing it. My daughter is disgusted and that relationship is straigned as well. I need help with my anger, hurt and defensivness and forgiveness. I have doubt and fear.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 6:41 AM on May. 16, 2011

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