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2 Bumps

Stuck

How do you put up with emotional neglect from your DH?
Sometimes I feel like leaving, but when I do, thats when he's hurt.

One time, I decided I had enough of not getting any affection from my cold husband I decided to pack my things and leave. When that happened, he took his gun and pointed it to his own head. It was a terrible situation.
A few days ago, I found pornography on our bed, he'd been watching a dvd on our computer.

That was hurtful, I tried to leave again.
And while I was packing mine and my daughters things, He grabbed his guns and said he was going to "go shooting". I stayed...

He does it on purpose. He so cold inside. But if I ever found out he killed himself over me. I'd be devastated.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:54 AM on May. 16, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (17)
  • So, you would rather stay and show your daughter that you have to stay in a bad relationship?

    I would pack and leave before he came home. I would also call the police on him right now. He is intimidating you with a deadly weapon. That is assault.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 11:58 AM on May. 16, 2011

  • You do realize that the actions that you make now, speaks volumes to your daughter?? So how you let a man treat you, she will more than likely let men treat her. Him using a gun is a way of controlling you, however, you should never use "leaving" as an excuse to get your own way...the next time you pack, walk away and don't look back. Don't teach your daughter that this behavior is acceptable, or that it is okay to stay in a relationship that you are not happy in. Trust me honey, whether you think you are hiding your feelings, you are not, and a child will pick up on them even if they don't fully understand what they are about..... Stand strong and if you want to leave then do so, and if you want to stay, you both need counseling IMHO.
    kitchenwitch78

    Answer by kitchenwitch78 at 12:04 PM on May. 16, 2011

  • threatening violence to one's self or others is direct manipulation. Leave and don't look back.... I'd suggest a place he doesn't know to look for you incase suicidal turns homicidal... seriously. If he does hurt himself, you need to get therapy to learn it is not your fault... he was just looking for a reason.... and if the guilt fell on you well, "good" in his mind.... your only other option is to threaten to leave if he doesn't t get phychiatric help, which I have a feeling he won't Good luck , Hon
    hollydaze1974

    Answer by hollydaze1974 at 12:07 PM on May. 16, 2011

  • What are you going to do when he gets his gun and turns it on you or your daughter? I would pack all guns up from your house, put them in storage, and go to the nearest place that I would feel safe, I also would file a restraining order ASAP! This is a bad situation, and you need to be strong and take action!
    kimigogo

    Answer by kimigogo at 12:08 PM on May. 16, 2011

  • Thats borderline abuse. he's manipulating you into staying. What I fear is when you do have enough..and he tries to shot himself and your still attempting to leave and he aims the gun at you. Get out now before it turns bloody.

    Tell him you can't put up with him being so distant, cold and neglective to your needs and you will try to work on the relationship (this is a decoy)..when he goes to work, pack all your things and ur daughters that you can carry and LEAVE
    SweetPoison

    Answer by SweetPoison at 12:15 PM on May. 16, 2011

  • You are his hostage. You need to be as cold as he is. The next time he threatens to shoot himself call 911. They will admit him to the psych ward for 24h observation. While he's gone pack up and leave. Call his bluff. He is abusing you emotionally and you don't deserve it. I had a boyfriend once that tried this threat on me. I told him relationships are about compromise, so I would get him a knife if he would do it in the bathroom where it would be easier to clean up. He never went through with it. You have to be just as cold as he has been to you. Only than will he stop his emotional drama BS.
    Ms.Gwen

    Answer by Ms.Gwen at 12:32 PM on May. 16, 2011

  • He is using your feelings to intimidate, control you, and keep you with him. That is emotional blackmail. Next time he trys it call the police and tell them he is threatening to kill himself or start shooting, and ask them for help. Since he is threatening bodily harm, they can take him away and put him in lockdown for suicide watch and psych eval-- and get him out of the house. Or if you do not want to take a chance of him actually shooting himself, then pack up and leave when he is at work and leave him a note saying "I am gone, it is over" and then go somewhere safe where he can't get to you. I would also call a lawyer and start getting legal advice, tell them about his threats and see what they suggest you could do. Good luck!!!
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 12:36 PM on May. 16, 2011

  • look sweety i know your scared but you want the best positive life for your daughter if you want out you should get out while you can cause he is trying to make you stay buy using his gun call the police & tell him wha he is doing you deserve the best i hope you get all the answers your looking for
    Ricanmami1

    Answer by Ricanmami1 at 12:44 PM on May. 16, 2011

  • he's threatening you, you need to call the cops next time. THATS ABUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Liz4Life

    Answer by Liz4Life at 1:00 PM on May. 16, 2011

  • This is horrifying. I'd be less worried that he'd kill himself and more worried that he'd kill you and your child. He's not going to kill himself. When he is at work or asleep, go. Fast. Don't look back. This is not the example you want to set. Your daughter should not have to see this.
    wildflowers25

    Answer by wildflowers25 at 1:09 PM on May. 16, 2011

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