I've posted on here a few times about my new soon to be "step-parenting" roll. I moved in with SO in December. Between us we have 5 kids, two of which are in the home with us. Mine is 17 and overall not to many issues there. He has a 4 year old daughter in which he gets every other weekend visitation and 2 days per week. We've had some minor adjustment issues with this. I complained abut the co-sleeping thing (still to this day nothing has changed and I am trying to live with that)...........Here's my complaint as of this past weekend and I would love total honesty about it, even if you wanna say its my issue and I am making more of it than I need to.
On the weekends he has her, it seems to me that there isn't any "family" time. To me it seems like its him and her and everything else is put in the background. Now mind you, I am not stupid, I know he needs his time with her since he does not see her all the time and I would not be feeling as bad as I am if it weren't for the fact that when we first got together, he was all about having a family again and doing family things etc etc. This was a huge want of his. So now as we sit here all weekend, and most of the time, at no point does he ask me to be included on what he's doing with her. 99% of the time, its him and her doing whatever and me sitting here alone. He doesn't ask.....nothing!! They will just go outside or whatever and do their thing. Now I have gone out with them at times, tried and included myself on games etc but it seems if I don't include myself, he won't even ask.
Am I wrong for feeling like I am totally invisible while she is here? I understand she is young still and likes Daddy's attention but why make a statement that you want family and then just act as if its just him and her with noone else here? Yesterday after hours of them doing things together and not one word mentioned to me about joining, I had a melt down and made a comment. He knew what I meant and later on made a smart assed comment about being included on having a snack with them, but I wasn't laughing and proceeded to sit in my corner chair, as I do a lot when shes here.
Please offer some advice....do I let this be in hopes that in time it will change? I have tried talking to him about this numerous times, he will change for a day or so and then it goes back to the same thing again. I feel like a broken record anymore and it sucks that I totally feel left out and ignored when shes here. Your thoughts please!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Answer by gdnrs at 12:22 PM on May. 16, 2011
Answer by NannyB. at 12:23 PM on May. 16, 2011
You are not his wife. You are a girlfriend he wanted to shack up with. This is his daughter. You are obviously just a convenience. btw... nice example for your teenage son.
Answer by Anonymous at 12:23 PM on May. 16, 2011
Answer by gdnrs at 12:25 PM on May. 16, 2011
Answer by BradenIsMySon at 12:27 PM on May. 16, 2011
I think it may just take some getting used and making changes slowly. I don't think you're wrong but you do have to understand that his daughter is his number and will always come first, that said if you are living together as a family some things will have to change but at the same time you can just move in and expect EVERYTHING to change.
Answer by skittles1108 at 12:30 PM on May. 16, 2011
Answer by JackieGirl007 at 12:30 PM on May. 16, 2011
Answer by MrsLeftlane at 12:32 PM on May. 16, 2011
Answer by kimigogo at 12:34 PM on May. 16, 2011
Answer by gemgem at 12:34 PM on May. 16, 2011
Next question overall
(Just for Fun)
How much apart are you from your SO/DH on age? Same, Younger or Older?