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How do I know if he is still attracted to me?

My husband and I have both had our share of partners and have both expressed a high sex drive before we got married. But now that we are he seems so uninterested. I have to basically come out and say "you wanna do it". When we have sex he will just let me do all the work. It takes so much to turn him on but I know from him that in his past situations all they ever had to do was kiss him or touch him and that was that. Its like he doesn't want me anymore. What do I make of this. I have tried to come to bed in my birthday suit and just molest him. He made me feel so embarrassed when he brushed me off. I feel trapped cuz I can't cheat and I'm Christian so masterbation is a sin (i have been guilty of). Whats the deal?

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Asked by Anonymous at 2:23 PM on Dec. 6, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • It sounds to me that he HAS lost attraction or love or maybe both! Sounds also like he may be cheating! At least one of those is most likely the problem. Trust me................I have lost attraction to my husband and I always let him do all the work and he has a hard time convincing me to have sex and even harder time turning me on. Also I didn't feel this way about him until after I had an affair. The affair was a mistake I know and I regret it. but It showed me what was missing in my marriage and now it's hard to go back to the way things were be fore the affair.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:37 PM on Dec. 6, 2008

  • to me its sounds like he is ethier cheating or just not interested in it anymore or maybe both y don't you have a talk with him and see what he says bout the whole thing

    Answer by butterscotch297 at 2:42 PM on Dec. 6, 2008

  • It sounds like he may have lost interest. Maybe you should try something different like a new place. I think after a while you just kind of get used to having each other and forget about the other persons needs. I say make a date and get a hotel. See how that works.

    Answer by BusyB-Mommy at 2:57 PM on Dec. 6, 2008

  • I've asked him if he is still interested in me and he says yes. I ask him what can I do to improve our sex life and he says the sex is great. We argue and he says thats why he doesn't wanna do it. But then he told me that he and his ex used to argue and all she had to do was start taking his clothes off and that was it. I don't know what to do about him. Don't get me wrong, when he wants it he wants it, but he will kiss me a few times and expect me to jump his bones.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:10 PM on Dec. 6, 2008

  • How are you treating him outside the bedroom? I'm wondering if he thinks all you care about is his body. Any time a marriage is all about the sex, it's going to get boring. Start doing special things for him. Make his favorite meal, offer to run an errand for him, ask him what you can do to make his life easier and more enjoyable. Ask him what he needs from you instead of trying to get what you need from him, and see if his whole attitude does not change.

    Answer by NannyB. at 4:16 PM on Dec. 6, 2008

  • Wait, I'm Christian too....when did the memo come out that Masterbation is wrong? I never got it.

    You know, sometimes people go through phases, men and women both simmer down on their sex drive and then sometimes they just cant' get enough. There was a time when I really wasn't all that in to sex. I still found my husband attractive and I loved him and I wasn't cheating but I just really didn't like having sex. But my husband felt exactly the way you do. I hated that I made him feel that way but I just had no sex drive. I hope that's all it is with him.

    Answer by munch12502 at 4:52 PM on Dec. 6, 2008

  • It is better for your semen to be in the belly of a whore than to fall to the ground...Ya know that's somewhere in the bible although I paraphrased it. It doesn't direct it toward women but to me God looks at women and men equally so if he thinks masturbating is worse than screwing a whore than it must be pretty bad. Also I think it relates to the fact that masturbation can lead to lustful thoughts, imaginations etc to help the man cum...Which is a sin. I'm not sure how all that works but that's what I do know.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:16 PM on Dec. 6, 2008

  • Maybe he likes you to initiate it. Try taking off his clothes. Some men like to be chased instead of doing the chasing. Maybe it's a turn on just to get seduced by you and you be dominant in ti. Try that. I mean in my opinion I don't get turned on when my hubby is complaining about not getting any (which he doesn't) but if he did I would not take it as a very good way to get me to do it. Or if he started fights over not doing it. I think your approaching him the wrong may perhaps.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:19 PM on Dec. 6, 2008

  • Well, OP, if masterbation is a sin in the eyes of God, what did he think about all of the lovers you had prior to getting married?! Or did you marry everyone of them before having sex with them?!

    Just thinking, maybe you have your priorities a little backwards. You cannot be held responsible for your THOUGHTS...its your ACTIONS that you will be judged on.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:20 PM on Dec. 6, 2008

  • In OP's defense it is in the bible when the son of Judah I believe didn't want to have children with his brother's wife and spilled the cum on the floor, the Lord struck him dead. Paul talks about the abusers of themselves with mankind. He also spoke about every sin being outside of the body but fornication sins against ones own body which is the temple of God. So therefore masterbation and sex before marriage is a sin that most of us are guilty of. Christ also said that any man that looks upon a woman to lust after her has already committed adultery in his heart. So you are judged by your thoughts and actions. Again, we all fall short of the glory of God which is why repentance is so necessary. But I thank all of you for your imput.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:51 PM on Dec. 9, 2008

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