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2 Bumps

Parents trying to scare my kids into going to church.

I am what you would call an open minded believer in God... I believe there is a God, but I also believe and dont believe alot of other things... and I would never try to change someones views and I actually like learing about others religions and views....

My parents are completely different though.

I didn't grow up with those kind of views, in fact we hardly ever went to church or even talked about God when I was a kid ( it was implied that we believed in God, and we would basically just go to church on Christmas and Easter) ...

After I was grown and moved out of the house is when they started going to their church.... they talked constantly of how wonderful it was so me and my little family went too... we went for a few months but just couldnt go anymore.... I literally felt like we were in some kind of cult... everything that everyone did had to revolve around the church, everyone had to know everything about each other, and I didnt like how the were with my kids in Sunday school ---- like telling them that every single thing is made by God... which saying things like people are made by God, the trees, the world etc... i expect them to be told that... but like saying their toys, furniture, etc is made by God is kind of silly and I think this would confuse them when they go to school lol....



So we quit going to that church and now we hardly see my parents ( compared to what we use to ) ... well today we spent time with them because we went out to eat and they went to a DR appt. with me..... as we were in the car my mom was telling my 4 year old dauhter that if we dont go to church we will all burn up in hell forever... and now my daughter is soo upset and wont wuit talking about how she is scared to catch on fire.

How can I explain this to my daughter and how can I explian to my parents that I do want a relationship with them but WONT have one if they keep talking like that.....

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:09 PM on May. 16, 2011 in Religion & Beliefs

Answers (12)
  • Well just calmly explain to your daughter that grandma is wrong, but she meant well. Now for your mother, personally, I would tell her to keep her opinons to herself if she wanted any time with her grandchildren. That is sooo wrong in my book
    Zakysmommy

    Answer by Zakysmommy at 4:13 PM on May. 16, 2011

  • I would sit down and start damage control of what my mother told my daughter. Tell your daughter that God is good and full of love that no one is going to burn in hell for not going to church. Tell your mother that her she needs to be mindful of her words, and to keep in mind she is talking to a four year old child. Let your mom know that her words scared your daughter and you don't want her to be afraid of God. If your daughter is interested in Sunday school,, maybe you can find a church you like and feel comfortable in going to.  I am sure your mom means well however she needs to respect your wishes as a mother.  Remind your mom how much your daughter enjoys spending time with her, that you want your daughter to have  positive memories of her Grandma not scarry ones.  

    mommiedear

    Answer by mommiedear at 4:25 PM on May. 16, 2011

  • I think your parents really believe what the Bible says and they do believe in hell. You are their most prized possession, and they are probably worried about your salvation. While I don't agree that she should have put that fear of hell in your LO's heart, I do think that it would be good for you to sit down and discuss things with your parents. While their methods might be wrong, it comes from love and concern.

    I know that I believe in hell myself, and I have dear family members who do not know the Lord, they have a general belief in God, but not a saving faith. When my grandmother died, her dying request was for me to share with them so they would be saved. This is hard for me, because I don't want to be pushy.

    If you sat down with her and told her that you would be open to talk about it, and under what conditions, she might feel more comfortable sharing with you on a back and forth level, without feeling like she . .
    beelive

    Answer by beelive at 4:33 PM on May. 16, 2011

  • she has to resort to little comments here and there.

    One thing that you might want to consider is that you could discuss your beliefs in writing. That way it won't be an argument. She can share with you, and you can tell her your beliefs and reservations, and you could go back in forth, thinking about how to phrase your ideas and it won't affect your time together or her time with her grand baby.

    If you don't want to talk to her at all about it, be honest and tell her to just pray for you.

    Think about it, even if you don't believe in hell, she does and she doesn't want you to go there. If you think about it that way, her annoying comments can be seen as desperate acts of love.

    beelive

    Answer by beelive at 4:36 PM on May. 16, 2011

  • My aunt used to tell us we where going to the lake of fire if we didn't do this and that, so on so on. So one day my mom asked her if God had unconditional love how could he send a child to the lake of fire and she stopped.
    SMITxsM2

    Answer by SMITxsM2 at 4:36 PM on May. 16, 2011

  • I would say to them fear does not a church goer make. I would tell them at four years old your daughter is not old enough to decide for herself and if they keep saying that they will not be allowed to see them. Tell them our relationship is important but we have our own beliefs and you have yours we can agree to disagree.
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 4:36 PM on May. 16, 2011

  • that's not nice.... it's not your parents job to do that it's your choice and what you want for you kids too... that to me is going to far.
    lynnlang

    Answer by lynnlang at 4:44 PM on May. 16, 2011

  • Oh, and also, church does not save us!

    The blood of Jesus saves us.

    There are lots of people who go to church that are not really HIS children.
    beelive

    Answer by beelive at 4:47 PM on May. 16, 2011

  • No amount of faith is an excuse for being a passive aggressive parent or for traumatizing a child. She should be ashamed of herself, and that's exactly what you should tell her when you address it with her. Also remind her that these are your children, not hers, and spending time with them is a privilege, not a right.
    NotPanicking

    Answer by NotPanicking at 4:48 PM on May. 16, 2011

  • I agree with above posters. so wont repeat what they have said. But I will add: Have you thought about trying a different church? Every church is different & no one will find the church that fits them the first time around (usually).. Also if your Christian have you & your child (if appropriate age) been baptised? If you are ready, get baptised, it may help your mom feel some comfort.

    If you visit another church & that isnt good enough for your mom. I would have a serious talk with her about her cultish attitude.. The power that chuches can have on people are scary :(
    MommaTasha1003

    Answer by MommaTasha1003 at 5:10 PM on May. 16, 2011

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