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2 Bumps

Marriage problems need advice

i have been married to my husband for 6 years now, we have two great kids and for the past 6 months or so i havent been feeling the way i use to for him. there is love there we had two kids together but i dont feel that im in love with him anymore. at the same time i was feeling this way i starting talking to an old guy friend. a year ago i would have never thought to talk to another guy but me not feeling the same for my husband anymore i guess i felt something was missing and i found that talking to other guy. now i have not done anything physical with the other guy but the emotional feelings were there. i know im my heart that if i was truly happy in my marriage i would have NEVER started talking to this other guy. now as for my husband he was convinced everything in our marriage was fine up untill a few weeks ago when i told him how my feelings have changed for him. right now we are seperated but still living together which is very hard we fight all the time its just been so stessfull for everyone. i feel like a terrible person cause i dropped this on him while all along he thought everything was fine. i dont want a divorce i guess i thinking that with a seperation we can work this out or it will give me time to realize if i really do want to be with him. its just so hard my husband is a great guy always treated me so good, and wonderful father and good provider but some where some how my feelings changed for him. im just so confused on what i want. should i just forget about the fact that im not in love with him and just stay with him anyways to please everyone else, cause right now im getting alot of crap from my mother as well about what ive done. what do i do any advice??

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:43 PM on May. 16, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (19)
  • Not the most popular response on CM...but, if you aren't happy, if you aren't in love why stay? Do you want to spend the rest of your life in an unhappy relationship. There's always a chance that if you do stay things could eventually get back to where they were before...is it worth the risk? Only you can answer that. Good Luck

    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 8:50 PM on May. 16, 2011

  • first i want to say don't feel bad! i was in your shoes at one point YES we need to put our kids first BUT also need our
    own happiness! so if your not happy with him it's not worth it hun! I don't endorse cheating but I would say get a feel
    for the 'other guy' talk to him as much as you can if you have time alone just you and him, let him know what you think
    of him and take it from there.. good luck momma
    ash2011903

    Answer by ash2011903 at 8:53 PM on May. 16, 2011

  • i personally think that your going through a faze you want something more than what your husband gives you and you think that other guy can , but honey i wanna tell you my story and what i went through and maybe you will open your eyes !! i was 14 when i got married 15 when i had my little boy who is now 2 and i was married to him for 4 years i loves him very much but he wasent giving me what i wanted , he worked off all the time , i wanted a husband who can come home to a clean house and i can cook for and watch movies with and snuggle but i wasent getting that so ok im 18 now and i am way more mature cause i dont want to party and hang out with friends ( btw my ex husband was 19 at the time ) i want to have a family and enjoy so life with my soul make so i met this guy last year before i had gotten a divorce and i swear honey it was love at first sight he treated me like gold he would do anything in his power to make me
    alliep2011

    Answer by alliep2011 at 8:55 PM on May. 16, 2011

  • Its not a separation if you still live in same house...you will never be able to figure out if ya'll are meant to be together. Have you thought about seeing someone...maybe the conversation ya'll had before just got lost somewhere ..between kids work bills ...the relationship might have just got lost somewhere.
    FayMeek

    Answer by FayMeek at 8:57 PM on May. 16, 2011

  • Normally I'd say leave but you have two (presumably little) kids. Having kids causes strain on the marriage. I'd take some time (6 months to a year) to figure out what is missing in my relationship that was there in the beginning. I'd separate and move out to get a clearer picture of what life will be like when you leave him. Also, remember the new guy may not be keen on swooping in and paying for you...don't put the cart before the horse. Separate and figure out why you're not in love anymore. Kids can add a ton of stress...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:57 PM on May. 16, 2011

  • i did the same thing with my first marriage of 8yrs and the relationship after of 5 with the same guy well now Im not with any of them... fact is just cuz u dont have butterflies when ur husband doesnt mean ur not in love it just means ur comfortable sometimes u have to take ur own relationship in ur hands take ur HUSBAND out on a date dont analyze just go have fun, dont expect him to magically be able to read ur mind remind him what turns u on mentally or other wise just and we as women are spoiled we got used to the woo and chase of a man then they win we have kids and forget all bout it until kids are gettin bigger and we have time to look back if u and ur husband arent fighting or going through anything horrible and u just think u got a change of heart do the right thing in seek counsel a good marriage with a good man is hard to find...
    mom2-6mineNhis

    Answer by mom2-6mineNhis at 8:59 PM on May. 16, 2011

  • instead of investing your emotions in this other guy why not try and put that into your husband? he now knows your unhappy so the hard part is out of the way. im sure if you guys work hard at it youll make it. ive been through the i want out phase but im glad i stayed and worked it out. the way i see it is you have a family and leaving him may look like its better but you know what they say about the grass! maybe you guys can start dating again? make it fun and fresh. good luck i hope it all works out.
    whitenena

    Answer by whitenena at 9:02 PM on May. 16, 2011

  • happy and he did every other day he was bringing me flowers and it had little cards on it that said best week of my life and thats when i decieded this is what i've been looking for so i told me ex i wanted a divorce and then me and that guy i met was in may 2010 and we found out we were pregnant in june gor married in october and had our baby girl in march and to this day he still brings me flowers and is still sweet to me i know this probably dosen't help but i just want you to go with your heart we all argue but its not worth it when their are better ppl out there and no one ever said marriage was easy if they did there full of shit so GL and god bless you and your kids
    alliep2011

    Answer by alliep2011 at 9:04 PM on May. 16, 2011

  • Most long-term marriages go through "waxes and wanes". That means those exciting love feelings will come and go. It is natural. Usually, approaching the 7 year mark, relationships are at a distint part. This is what we call the "7-year itch". It is normal, and if you stick it through, those fun love feelings usually come back even stronger.

    You are probably "7year itching" if you cannot find anything very negative about the relationship like abuse or cheating.

    Don't throw away a family because of the itch. It is not reason enough in my book.

    And, if you want to get back together with your husband, you need to cut out that other guy.
    ImaginationMama

    Answer by ImaginationMama at 9:04 PM on May. 16, 2011

  • i would also like to add that if ur friend knows ur married and continues to have this relationship( relationships dont have tobe physical) then he doesnt respect the bond of marriage and would likely not respect a commitment with u.
    mom2-6mineNhis

    Answer by mom2-6mineNhis at 9:06 PM on May. 16, 2011

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