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What are some suggestions on how I can be a postive role model for my son's friend without crossing over boundries...will explain...

My 13 year old son has a friend that lives a few houses away. He reminds me of Eddie Haskell from the Leave it to beaver show. Overly friendly until I catch him winging balls at my windows. He always invites himself over for dinner which doesnt bother me at all. My son tells me that he is failing all his grades and he recently went over his house and my son said you couldnt even walk around and it smelled horrible. So it makes sense why he always wants to come over here. How can I be a postive influence/role model without going too far? I just have a feeling that he could use some help of some sort even if it is just something simple....ideas???


Asked by AmyLynn5398 at 10:09 PM on May. 16, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

Level 17 (3,564 Credits)
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Answers (11)
  • I think just letting him come over when he wants too is positive structuring for him. Obviously he finds comfort at your place that he may not find at home. You can also start up a good conversation about school or extra activites at the dinner table. I am always asking the kids how their grades are and how things are at home. Most kids are pretty open and honest with someone they can trust.

    Answer by daerca574 at 12:33 PM on May. 17, 2011

  • Sounds like the boy could definitely use some guidance and companionship.I had a similar situation with my sons friend at about that age.Never really thought about it,just accepted the whole"hes my sons friend" and that was that.He got off the bus and came straight to our house and ate dinner with us.He mowed the grass for my elderly mother and he and my son worked on junk lawn mowers and spent the entire evening together.He almost always went home at night,but i worried about him.He was alone alot and his mom had passed away,and he didnt care for his step mom.I just kind of made him a part of our family.He is my sons friend to this day and he calls me "mom." Just be good to him,and allow him to feel accepted.Also,show him a different way of life so he knows he has options when he is older.I took him to church with us,and took him and my son to any school functions they would attend.I just tried to be a good example.

    Answer by rebeccjm at 10:26 PM on May. 16, 2011

  • Let him know (or have your son do it) that he's welcome in your house anytime but that he needs to respect you. It may take some time for him to feel comfortable with you but the more time he spends around you and your family (hopefully) the more you will rub off on him.


    Answer by skittles1108 at 10:27 PM on May. 16, 2011

  • Like rebeccjm my son had a similar friend as well, and also welcomed him in my home with open arms. He was really part of my family, he spent time after school, he had dinners with us, we took him with us on family outings like movies or dinner occassionally. When I had conversations with my son I always included him. He also calls me "mom", in fact most of my son's friends call me their second mom, I tend to be very welcoming to all the kids and treat them just like I would treat my boys.
    I agree just be good to him, let him feel accepted. If you can include him in other family time or events do so, it will give him an opportunity to see a different way of life and hopefully pick up on the qualities your family shares.

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 9:52 AM on May. 17, 2011

  • Sounds like just being there for him, having open conversations with him, and being a good role model. Invite him over, invite him to go with your family places. Do you know the other family at all?

    Answer by SherriPie at 12:42 PM on May. 17, 2011

  • I think it's great to let him come over, eat with you, etc. And you can let him know he is always welcome and if he ever needs an adult's help you can be there for him. I would also encourage him to do the right things, and praise him when he does. And let him know he is expected to follow the same rules as your son, for example if you get home and expect homework to be started let the neighbor know that he can stay but he will need to work on his homework until dinner time or whatever. A lot of children in this situation are lacking any sort of structure and feel like no one cares if they don't do their work, or get into trouble or whatever. Let him know you care and that in itself could make a big difference in his life.

    Answer by MaryMW at 2:52 PM on May. 17, 2011

  • i think you are doing a wonderful thing by allowing him to stay for dinner, he needs thats. Also, take him along from time to time on family outings. Just be there for him.

    Answer by Kainalu55 at 7:03 PM on May. 17, 2011

  • I think you should continue to do what you are doing. Just welcoming him into your home, meals and including him in outing is doing him a great service.

    Answer by bether89 at 11:47 PM on May. 17, 2011

  • It sounds like you're doing a really good job so far. Keep it up and take him under your wing when you're able to.

    Answer by _Tam_ at 11:31 PM on May. 18, 2011

  • I agree it sounds like you are doing a good job. Inviting him over is good, if you see that he has any needs, like...say.. clothing, you can say 'oh hey, we are getting rid of some of ____'s clothing... do you know anyone who might like them?' Stuff like that.

    Answer by ethans_momma06 at 6:57 AM on May. 19, 2011