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I didn't know whether to put this under relationships, or pregnancy.

I'm 31 weeks pregnant. I haven't seen my mother in over a year because shes abusive, and psychotic. Last I saw her she was kicking the shit out of me, so I left. I got my life together, got married, and now I'm pregnant. My mother tried so hard to keep me down by telling all of my family that I beat her up, and I'm a drug addict and all kinds of things. No one really believed it because, I'm not like that at all. She also threatened the people that helped me get on my feet.

I'm having a baby shower and I invited all of my family and all of my husbands family. I was going to invite my mother, but I told her that if she still had a problem with the people that helped me out, then she probably shouldn't go.

She started saying every mean thing she could and said that she was embarrassed of me, and she feels sorry for my child because I'll be such a horrible mother. So, I said, fine, I won't invite you and embarrass you further.

2 weeks later she sends me emails saying she doesn't know what my problem is with her, and that this is about love and family and yada yada. Sticky sweet letter. She does this, she'll blow up and then act like nothing ever happened.

My cousin called me today to RSVP for my baby shower and to tell me that my mother asked her to throw me a baby shower, because she didn't want to go to mine because she didn't want there to be a problem with the people that "tried to hide me" (the people that helped me out). I told me cousin that I never even invited my mom, even though I was going to, I didn't because of the things she said. My cousin said it was up to me whether I wanted to second baby shower. My mom said just have family there. But the problem is, I already sent out those invitations, to the family that she is referring to.

I feel like this is sabotage honestly. If I decide to not have the second baby shower my family might get mad at me for not letting my mother do what she wants. If I have the second baby shower, it feels like my mother gets her way again, and doesn't take responsibility for the things shes done and said.

I have no idea what to do.

I wanted to invite my mother, but she can't handle herself, and I really want nothing to do with her, but now shes trying to butt her way into my life. I need advice.

Answer Question

Asked by monstersmommy20 at 11:37 PM on May. 16, 2011 in Pregnancy

Level 14 (1,781 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • Tell your cousin to forget it!!!! U r having one shower,that is enough!!! Stay away from your crazy bitch mom!!!! U need to write her off!!!

    Answer by dancer at 11:39 PM on May. 16, 2011

  • Screw that. Your mother is abusive and should NOT come nor throw you a baby shower. That's ridiculous. And your family should understand. Seriously, don't do it.

    Answer by Keeely07 at 11:46 PM on May. 16, 2011

  • Nah, not a good idea. Stay away from that drama factory!

    Answer by SMITxsM2 at 12:11 AM on May. 17, 2011

  • I see why you have your doubts of having her at your baby shower. She abused you physically and still does it verbally. If you have a loving family and friends without her, you have a lot to be thankful for. Tell your cousin that it's pointless for her to throw a baby shower with the same people you invited, what are your friends supposed to think? Personally, I think your mother's idea is stupid, the only thing she is trying to do is keep people from coming to the party you already planned so they will go to the other one instead. Tell your cousin no.

    Answer by amessageofhope at 12:12 AM on May. 17, 2011

  • second shower. Your invitations are out. Your mother already proved that she is going to be an asshole. This is your baby, your day, your time, do not let her weasel her way in to make you and everyone else uncomfortable. I say, no way.

    Answer by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 12:14 AM on May. 17, 2011

  • Thanks everyone. I talked to my sister in law about it, and she says that my mom is just trying to play puppet master and I shouldn't do the second shower because my mom is probably going to make a scene. Thanks for your responses.

    Comment by monstersmommy20 (original poster) at 12:41 AM on May. 17, 2011

  • I would be as nice as possible and say that you have already planned your shower and invited everyone from your family. It seems like your mom has some deep psychological problems that you would not want to stress yourself out with during this delicate time. You would not want to go into an early labor... Try to avoid all and any drama, which sounds like your mom is the brunt of it... Say thank you, but no thank you... That would be the best way to do it. Much luck and congrats!

    Answer by gibsongirl017 at 12:44 AM on May. 17, 2011

  • Don't do it!

    Answer by mrsziemann at 1:02 AM on May. 17, 2011

  • you're under enough stress being pregnant, you don't need your mom making it worse.

    good for you for getting out of a bad situation and making a life for yourself. honestly, your mom is probably jealous of how well you're doing, especially without her.

    congrats on your pregnancy, i hope you have smooth labor and a precious, perfect baby :)

    Answer by flamingomegs at 8:44 AM on May. 17, 2011

  • Thanks everyone :)

    Comment by monstersmommy20 (original poster) at 1:01 PM on May. 17, 2011

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