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3 Bumps

My new coping strategy that seems to be helping, in all fairness

i am not complaining, this is an actual question, ok
there are 3 things that upsets me about my partner:
1) messiness
2) drinking
3)very flirtatious

now, do you think it's unhealthy or healthy of me to do these exact things also(as a coping strategy) and let go of the expectations i have of myself?

in which case I personally would
1) stop cleaning
2) drink
3) flirt

out of respect for myself and for him I clean, do not drink to get drunk, and keep a distance from men

However, I could easily just "let go" and stop resisting (not that I have this huge urge) so that his habits aren't so unattractive in my eyes.

It's hard to explain but is that clear?
I just feel that if i can do these 3 things too, I wouldn't care as much if he did.
Effective coping strategy, or unhealthy?

i am not the nagging type, it drains me, so the last thing i would want to do is try to get him to stop, (plus i cant change him so why try)

comments?

 
Liz4Life

Asked by Liz4Life at 2:11 AM on May. 17, 2011 in Relationships

Level 17 (4,309 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • well. . its nice to have a clean place
    drinking in excess too often is no good
    flirting could lead to other things...and it could be a possibility that flirting could lead to other things especially when you are not satisfied in your current relationship. you might feel devalued and cheap if you take the flirting to another level. you should talk to your man, if he is resistant to change you should make up your mind to either keep accepting his crap or kick him to the curb.
    gwen20

    Answer by gwen20 at 2:23 AM on May. 17, 2011

  • IT:S TEMPING TO DO THOSE THINGS WHEN WE GEWT. FED UP BUT 2 WRONGS DONT MAKE A RIGHT......SO KEEP YOUR INTEGRETY AND IF THINGS DONT WORK OUT IT WILL TAKE YOU A LONG WAY BABY GIRL!                                       tsk tsk

    Sarah961

    Answer by Sarah961 at 4:47 AM on May. 17, 2011

  • Sarah took the words right out of my mouth :)
    yesmaam

    Answer by yesmaam at 8:55 AM on May. 17, 2011

  • I know it seems easier to think about the tit for tat mechanism, but I dont think it would help, you know why cause you wouldnt be being yourself you would be fronting. You can only be you, but there are definently do things to shake him up a bit, if you dont like his behavior start doing things that make him realize that your not going to stand for it anymore, actions speak louder than words sometimes esp with men!.......and have a girls night out if you havent had one in a while get all dressed up go out and have fun and still be yourself.......get him thinking a bit.....
    Princess_s21

    Answer by Princess_s21 at 2:42 AM on May. 17, 2011

  • thanks folks!
    just to add detail, i would never take flirting to the next level and neither would he since we are both happy in our relationship
    and a clean place IS nice i think im just taking a break. also im not an alcoholic, so all it is, is me allowing myself to drink occasionally to get drunk. also, all of this wouldn't be to get back (tit for tat) it would be for my own sake so i know everything is fair. im not mad at him or anything for being this way, i just subconsciously avoided this behavior mysefl since i thought it would hurt him but it doesn't and he actually gave me the right of way to do so
    sort of freeing might i add, i just dont want to change as a person just so it can all be fair!
    now that i know i have the choice, i think that's what helps me cope
    Liz4Life

    Comment by Liz4Life (original poster) at 3:21 AM on May. 17, 2011

  • I'm with Sarah!
    SonyaNaomi

    Answer by SonyaNaomi at 9:39 AM on May. 17, 2011

  • I think you should base your actions on yourself, not on your dh..but that's just me. I think its somewhat immature to decide to do those things, it eliminates the whole point of "letting go"...but hey, if it makes you happy than go for it (really :)
    lexi8622

    Answer by lexi8622 at 2:33 PM on May. 17, 2011

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