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Living with your parents? Do you follow their rules or act like their house is yours and do whatever you want?

My sister lives with my parents. They let her move in because of her 3 kids, since her only other option was a homeless shelter. They told her she was going to have to get a job and help pay the bills that would be higher due to her living there ( water, electric, heat ). She has lived there for over 10 mos. and has not gotten a job, looked for a job, or paid them any money. She gets 450$ a month for her disabled daughter, and 600$ a month in child support. She gets so many food stamps that last month she organized a family and friends cookout with all the food bought with food stamps.

This is very stressful to my parents, but it is compounded by the fact that she is completely disrespecful of their wishes when it comes to how her children and her act in their home. The latest example is that my sister bought a lawn sprinkler for the kids and has it running for hours and hours ( sometimes as long as 6 hours in a day) using my parents water that she isn't paying for. When they asked her to not run it so much ( they love their grandkids and want them to have SOME fun) her answer was a hissy fit and to run it when my parents were at work for just as long. I think my parents should kick her out, or at least shut the dang water off on her. But they are thinking of their grandchildren and don't want to see them in a shelter. I hate seeing my parents have to deal with this every single day....Whaddayado?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:48 AM on May. 17, 2011 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • I think your parentst need to subtly remind her of the deal that had been made. If she is having trouble finding a job fine but no need to be lazy and such. Even buying groceries at times would help I am sure.
    minrudd

    Answer by minrudd at 9:00 AM on May. 17, 2011

  • Your parents are allowing the behavior to continue. They are going to have to put their foot down or she won't stop.
    To answer your question - if I were living with my parents, I would respect their house rules so long as they didn't go against what I believed was best for my children (I can't think of a single situation where that would happen). But that's also why I chose to not move in with my parents when I became a single mom to my 3 kids.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 9:12 AM on May. 17, 2011

  • You hold a family intervention with your sister and parents and inform her that she has 30 days to get her act together or she'll find her stuff packed and on the front porch on Day 31, that's what you do.
    Fistandantalus

    Answer by Fistandantalus at 9:51 AM on May. 17, 2011

  • Sounds like your parents need to sit sis down and tell her that "the agreement was....." so she had better get off her butt get a job and start paying her share of the bills. They need to be firm and remind her it is THEIR house, THEIR rules, and if she does not like it-- get out! I also think they need to give her a deadline, and say "if you do not get a job and start paying by X day you will be given 5 days to pack up and get out.
    I know it is hard, since there are kids involved and your sis is using the kids as a means to 'control' things as she knows your parents love the kids and would not want them on the street. They do need to stand up to sis and be very firm with her.

    My hubs and I lived with my mom for almost 2 yrs (before we had the kids) because we were trying to save up for a house. We followed her rules, helped out with expenses and helped out around the house.
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 10:03 AM on May. 17, 2011

  • Your sister is irresponsible and your parents need to tell her if she won't work she has so many days and she needs to leave their home. They could tell her the kids are welcome to stay no matter what but she won't be welcome unless she follows the rules and starts paying her own way a bit. Until they stand firm with her she won't do anything. They have to quit enabling her childish behavior.

    chaiteamomma

    Answer by chaiteamomma at 11:02 AM on May. 17, 2011

  • We are living with my husbands parents. We never established rules, but common respect is a given. We pay extra utilities, we supply our needs (food, toiletries, ect), and since I am the only one that stays home, I do the bulk of the house work. We cook meals separately, but that's because everyone gets home from work at staggered times, and my inlaws are on a gluten free diet. Your sister is taking advantage of your parents. Have they considered looking into taking temporary custody of the children and giving your sister the ultimatum of "shape up or get out?" May be what they need to do.
    daughteroftruth

    Answer by daughteroftruth at 11:05 AM on May. 17, 2011

  • Unfortunately both my parents need to work full time to pay the bills and neither of them can stay home to care for the kids. My dad had cancer a couple years ago and they got the house and vehicle payment delayed while he wasn't able to work, so they are almost double now. If they both don't work full time they lose the house, and since they used ALL their savings while dad was sick, they have no retirement plan except the sale of the house when they are older to look forward to. It's a lousy situation for them, and none of us kids can care for her kids either. Most are unmarried, so there would be no one to watch them, and my brother and I that are married have 6 kids among us and no spare money to care for hers. We have thought about pooling some money and getting them into daycare, but my hubby and I are saving for a house, my brother is stuck with a huge mortgage and my other siblings are all saving for their own lives.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:01 PM on May. 17, 2011

  • Your sister is a user. She's lazy. She's taking advantage of your parents. She's using the grandchildren to control your parents. Your sister is a loser. She should be thankful and grateful to your parents for giving her and her children a safe, nice, warm, loving place to live. Instead she treats them with no respect and uses them...that's disgraceful. Your parents should write out a list of their expectations and tell her that from now on she must comply or she can find somewhere else to live.

    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 9:03 PM on May. 17, 2011

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