Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

2 Bumps

How to not feel like a terrible mom?

I work M-F 8 - 4:30pm, but I have to leave the house by 6:30am due to commute. My 2 yr old daughter usually isn't awake, but she was this morning. When I tried to leave she wrapped her arms and legs around me and said "Please don't go mommy I love you sooo much!" She then cried until I left. How do I explain to her that I have to go to work? And how do I not feel like a terrible mom for leaving her behind?

Answer Question
 
siera_lyn

Asked by siera_lyn at 9:21 AM on May. 17, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 10 (478 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • My poor husband has this same problem :( He has to leave for work at 5:30 and no one is even up to say goodbye to him, then he doesn't get home until 5 pm. He feels terrible every day :( Our son is 1 and we are expecting our daughter in August. Our 1 year old goes to bed at 8 so he only gets a few hours with him every day. He tries to make it up on the weekends and he does a really great job. Our son adores him and looks for him every day. I send him pictures and videos of him all day while he is at work and that helps a little. Don't feel bad. You are making a better life for your baby girl and you should be proud of yourself :)
    alphamom26

    Answer by alphamom26 at 9:25 AM on May. 17, 2011

  • You explain to her that everyone has jobs to do, and to do your job you need her to stay (with whomever she is with) Tell her you love her so much too, and you look forward to seeing her tonight. Soon she will have her own job, called school.
    Don't feel bad about taking care of your family. You are setting a good example.
    Candi1024

    Answer by Candi1024 at 9:27 AM on May. 17, 2011

  • My 2yo does that to my husband every morning when my husband leaves. If it makes you feel any better, he stops like 2 minutes after my husband leaves, it's just the goodbye part that's so hard! When you tell her goodbye make it quick and sweet and stay upbeat - you can develop a "ritual" that you use only for when you go to work (see ya later alligator, or "The Kissing Hand" is a sweet book that may help you and her develop a hand kissing thing). I tell my 2 yo everyday that Daddy has to go to work so we can have a nice house to live in, nice clothes to wear, and good food to eat. Not sure how much of that he comprehends, but he's starting to repeat it. I tell him that Daddy misses him as much as he misses Daddy - and I let him call his Daddy on the phone at lunchtime and after his nap for short chat (not sure if that's possible where you work). Hope it gets better - I know it's hard!
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 9:28 AM on May. 17, 2011

  • Awww sad. My dd has to work full time and when her little boy was around 2 he was the same way. Shes been working now at the same place since then and had another baby since then and the kids are used to it. I ask them all the time wheres mommy? They say at work to make money to get me toys lol. She told her son she had to work so he could watch spongebob and get toys.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 9:33 AM on May. 17, 2011

  • Both previous answers have said it all. Not everybody has the option of being a stay-at-home mom. What you say and do when you're with your daughter determines whether you are a good mother or not. Quality, not quantity, of time is what matters most in the long run. And being a good mom means also being a responsible mom. Embrace your life and feel good about yourself and your choices as hard as they may be at times.
    rosiemendo

    Answer by rosiemendo at 9:35 AM on May. 17, 2011

  • That must be hard she is too young to understand that you need to help support the family. Hugs GL.
    Genice6

    Answer by Genice6 at 9:36 AM on May. 17, 2011

  • Thank you sooo much for all of the answers, I do feel alot better. I tried telling her that I go to work so she can have toys and pretty clothes, and she told me she doesn't want any toys or clothes :) So I guess she's not spoiled then lol.
    siera_lyn

    Comment by siera_lyn (original poster) at 9:40 AM on May. 17, 2011

  • I don't tell my kids I go to work so they can have "stuff" because thats not why I go. I go because I am an able bodied adult that wants to contribute toward our stabablity. That includes college, retirement, food, housing, and such. I will be a SAHM for my kids kids when I am too old to work.

    Candi1024

    Answer by Candi1024 at 9:44 AM on May. 17, 2011

  • I worked until I was 8 mos preg, had my son and was back at work by the time he was 4 mos. I had no choice his sperm donor was useless and my baby needed a roof over his head. I haven't stopped working since........I so would envy all the SAHM's.......but I couldn't do it......my son is now 18 and has the most honorable work ethic, his employer (been at the same job since 16) and coworkers rave about him.........he tells me he learned it from me. We have such an awesome relationship, and he says he is proud knowing how hard I have worked to keep him healthy and happy.
    Dahis

    Answer by Dahis at 10:05 AM on May. 17, 2011

  • Ahh, she's just doing that for your benefit. Dont' make an issue out of it, if you give in they will KNOW and use it lol. Just hug her and kiss her and tell her goodbye
    Zakysmommy

    Answer by Zakysmommy at 10:08 AM on May. 17, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.