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3 Bumps

Daughter troubles.......

I have a sweet and loving 10 year old daughter. She is a repeated lier though. I never know when to believe anything that comes out of her mouth. I keep telling her with her lying all the time, when something really is wrong I won't believe her. Anyway, I don''t want her to be like this in her teen and adult life. Will counseling work for something like this?

 
RelaxedMom2-3

Asked by RelaxedMom2-3 at 12:07 PM on May. 17, 2011 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 21 (12,196 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • Hi, hon, I I have 2 sons. I did struggle with this when my kids were a bit younger, and it was much worse. My 10 year old learned his lessons; my eldest, too. Just now he does it to get out of trouble, mostly. It was a serious problem when they were younger. I would tell them, "Do you want to live in a house where no one can trust eachother? Where every one lies to each other? What if I lied to you?" then brace for it. Sometimes, we can't see the seeds we plant take root, until later.

    Let her know - this goes beyond home. Remind her that she will build a reputation for this among people at school - friends, potential friends. Having a reputation like that can get her in trouble. You let her know it will be difficult for you to help her in those situations, if you can't trust her to be honest with you, and if she lies, how would you know?

    Counseling usually helps, but sometimes its good to try yourself, first. Its a toss up.
    Harmy

    Answer by Harmy at 12:15 PM on May. 17, 2011

  • When my son went through this phase I had to go a step further than to tell him I wouldn't believe him if he kept lying. Everything he told me, I would double check on to see if it was true (even on the stuff I knew was true). He eventually got the idea that mom and dad didn't trust him. During this time, we wouldn't allow him to stay by himself or be left alone in a room for long. When he would ask why, we would let him know that his previous lying had destroyed our trust in the fact that he was acting/behaving accordingly. As he realized that he didn't like mom & dad not trusting him, he started to work harder on earning our trust. Our DS is now 18 and is a very honest and upstanding young man. He would rather state the truth and take his knocks than to lose the trust of someone he respects.
    LilLady75

    Answer by LilLady75 at 1:14 PM on May. 26, 2011

  • I would certainly try it..........teens lie by nature anyway, and if she goes into teens already lying???? Good luck mamma!!
    Dahis

    Answer by Dahis at 12:13 PM on May. 17, 2011

  • When you know your daughter is lying, let her know. I would ask your daughter why is she finding the need to lie?? Let her know that you want to trust her however she needs to earn your trust. Try to keep your communication open, let her know that she can trust going to you with the truth.  I also think counseling is a great idea. 

    mommiedear

    Answer by mommiedear at 12:24 PM on May. 17, 2011

  • Its a phase they go through. What I did with mine was explain if I caught them lying their punishment would be WAY worse then if they told me the truth. I followed through with it as well. Anytime I caught them lying if they would usually get lets say 1 week of being grounded, theyd get 3 weeks. After a couple times like this they figured out it was worth it to just tell the truth.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 12:27 PM on May. 17, 2011

  • There should be consequences to lies and they should match the lies... example asked my daughter if she'd been on her FB when she was grounded and she lied, was an obvious lie, i changed the password on her account for 3wks... Creative consequences work... I have over the years taken care of kids with behavioral issues, 3 to be exact.. along with 2 of my own.. if they refused to turn the lights off for say a week, I took out the light bulbs for 3 days, didnt put their toys away, they helped put them in trash bags til they earned them back... slamming doors consistantly got the door taken off the hindges... now while these may be a bit extreme for a normal everyday kid they worked for my kids as well, and far better than grounding them on a regular basis... And the first time you find a creative way that makes your kid take notice things will start to change...
    girlglow6

    Answer by girlglow6 at 12:50 PM on May. 17, 2011

  • My daughter lies also and always get caught, she tries to act like she feels bad for lying but do it again, it makes me so mad with her that i start yelling and she says that's why she lies, cause she don't want me to yell at her. I with you what can i do, cause when serious issue come up and she's telling the truth i still don't believe her
    ttk2

    Answer by ttk2 at 1:41 PM on May. 17, 2011

  • you can tell her that if she keeps lying, you won't believe anything she says. That might scare her into learning to tell the truth.
    amysaves

    Answer by amysaves at 6:24 PM on May. 17, 2011