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How do you cope when you need help, ask for help, are promissed help and nothing comes of it?

I'm in such a low bad place right now. I should ask for help, have asked for help but am still as lost as ever. My mil lives about 45 mins away and has said she will come and help. She will come one day and say she will be here one day a week to help out. That was 2 weeks ago and then she went away for a week after telling me and the kids she would be back. I haven't heard from her about when she's coming back. My mom told me to let her know what I need and she will come and help but that I need to tell her. So I totally broke down the other night and told here how things are and she said she would take a day off work because she has so much vacation time to use up and come and help out. I was expecting her to be here today and she said she'd be here after work.
I'm really not doing good and am afraid I'll get depression again or that I may already have it again.
I can't keep up with the house, the bills and the kids. I feel that if I can just get dh (he had a vasectomy 11 daya ago and is having awful complications) well again or get someone to come and lend a hand like he would be doing if he wasen't laid up trying to heal from the complications. He would be working and making money to cover the cost of things. The kids are no doubt feeling the stress and such that I am feeling and it is affecting their behaviour making things more stressful. They know things aren't right right now and I feel so guilty that they are suffering through this too.
I feel like the world is crashing around me, I've left my girls eating lunch while I escaped, called my mom and told her to not bother coming in the evening and sit here crying while I write this. Things feel so hopeless right now. I know this isn't true. DH wishes he could help, I'm a christaian and have been praying but I can't shake this helpless feeling.
Why should I keep asking for help? I know I should for my kids sakes but it's just one more disapointing thing that isn't helping. How do I tell the people that when they offer to help and don't come through that they're causing more damage than good?


Asked by AmandaH321 at 12:35 PM on May. 17, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 20 (8,472 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (5)
  • (Cont'd)... As far as your mother offering to help - a lot of times people have the best of intent, but then change their minds, or maybe get slammed from unknown source for time, energy, or money. Even if they are honest with you, you COUNTED on that help, and even though you can understand it, it's just hard not to be upset. You might not even be upset with them, but upset at the situation, but it can be hard to not direct it at them, that's a natural human response. Then you have that stress on top of your other stresses.

    For me, I just stopped counting on it. I understand their intent, but I let them offer. I try everything I can to get help e;lsewhere. I come here to vent, get ideas, try to calm down.. Then do what I can elsewhere. As for her, just be honest. Try to be honest, and let her know you are hurt. That you understand, but she really needs to be careful with offering, if she can't pull through. I don't know her

    Answer by Harmy at 12:49 PM on May. 17, 2011

  • group hug


    Answer by Dahis at 12:39 PM on May. 17, 2011

  • Hi honey. I've been through this situation with people letting me down, and I've coped with it in different ways, at different times. I woud like to talk to you more about this, in messages if you would like to message me? I, too, am a Christian, and coming out of extraordinarily hard times (i hope).

    One: Have you tried 2-1-1? I'd make a list of the things that put you under pressure, financials, no alone time, energy loss, housework help, etc. That way you know.. 2-1-1 has resources for you financially, and sometimes other kinds of help. Local churches also, even if you don't attend, may help you. Maybe your Church, if you have one, has meal services, or something you can pitch in with, but can help you now? Churches also have drop in one night a week if you just need some down time.

    What do the docs say about your husband's condition and complications? What is the window? Plan on the longest window, but hope for the short

    Answer by Harmy at 12:43 PM on May. 17, 2011

  • Can you call your church?? Or a friend?

    Answer by Dahis at 12:40 PM on May. 17, 2011

  • Sorry, that sucks. I don't have any one to help me. It's me and my husband and that's it. I just suck it up and try to get through the bad times (I suffer from severe depression). Even after giving birth the only help I ever had was from my husband (I had c-sections). I was forced to be up and doing my regular routine at a week and a half because he was back to work. I had no choice and no help. My family all either lives too far away or doesn't care enough to help. I just don't even ask any more. There's no point to it. I don't even ask my husband any more because he gets mad and says he does help by working and earning money. It's frustrating to say the least. I was sick for 3 weeks this month and the house went to hell. When I asked for help my husband and kids got mad and did nothing except make more work for me. Sigh.

    Answer by justanotherjen at 1:33 PM on May. 17, 2011