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Was I wrong?

I had my SO DD as well as my 3 when I dropped off my DD to school yesterday...My DD's teacher asked if my SO DD was a cousin I said no she's a step-sister...I think it's easier then saying it's my b/f's kid and sounds better too...I didnt see the big deal in it but later that day when I got back from the store SO asked me why my DD was saying his DD was her step-sister...I guess she told him and he said no not really...he didnt say anything about it but he seemed weird about it...we live together...no we are not married..but nowadays that means nothing and I think it's easier to refer to them as my step-kids...why does that mean you have to be married? I take care of them like they are mine when they are over...we eat as a whole family we do things as a whole family...I don't look at it like my kids and his kids,but THE kids...all of them..I want it like that...I want his kids to see me and my kids as an extension of their family and vice versa...but was I wrong to call her a step anything? I don't tell them I'm their step mom or anything...I wouldn't do that they are only 4.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:55 PM on May. 17, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (20)
  • *Legally* speaking, you were incorrect. Should something happen to him, you have no rights regarding her. More importantly, he doesn't seem comfortable with it.

    There would have been nothing wrong with saying she's your boyfriend's daughter. It wouldn't have sounded bad at all.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 1:59 PM on May. 17, 2011

  • Hmm did he have a problem b/c he didnt want you calling them your kids at all or b/c you referred to them as step kids and not just your kids?
    yesmaam

    Answer by yesmaam at 1:59 PM on May. 17, 2011

  • the only way to solve this is get married..i dont think i would of told the school that at the time. I would of just stated who the child belonged to it was really none of their business anyway as long as the kid was at school.
    jorjiegirl

    Answer by jorjiegirl at 2:00 PM on May. 17, 2011

  • Sorry, I have to say that if you are not married they are not you're step kids. I think that it is confusing not only for other people but for the children as well. As soon as my DH and I got married his ex started telling everyone, the school, SD and all friends that the boyfriend she was with was her stepdad and his kids were her step siblings. The problem was that it was confusing to SD and SD was believing they were her step family. Then at one point anyone SD meant and liked she would call her aunt, uncle, grandma, step sister, cousin it didn't matter who they were she just thought that was how it was. We had to explain how families worked. The BM also went through 3-4 boyfriend and which meant SD went through 3-4 "step families"

    You should just explain the true situation.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:01 PM on May. 17, 2011

  • The truth is always the best way to go. Otherwise it gets confusing
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 2:02 PM on May. 17, 2011

  • I'm not looking at it from alegall stand point I'm just looking at it like a out in public and people ask wow are they all yours kinda stand pint and the fact that my DD 5 is not starting to have issues when I tell his kids I love them and show them any affection...it's fine towards her brothers but I am not their mommy...so I'm trying to make it okay in my DD's eyes...no they are not my kids but I love them just as much and treat them the same as my kids...so I guess because I'm to that point I'm okay with referring to them as my step-kids...he's not on that level with my kids yet...which is okay...i think alot of it may have to do with his ex and the fear of his kids going back and saying step-sister and step-brothers she would not be happy about that...so idk...i guess I wont do it again.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:05 PM on May. 17, 2011

  • You were wrong because they are not step sisters, and the difference between being married or not means a whole lot to many people. I agree you should have just referred to her as your boyfriends daughter.

    However, I hope he didn't give you too much of a hard time because lots of people do this all the time. They refer to their friends as their children's Aunts and Uncles, etc.
    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 2:07 PM on May. 17, 2011

  • I dont agree with we should be married for me to be there step-mom..what if we never get married? what if we are together forever but never get married? are they never my step-children? will they alwasy be My b/f's kids then? and not MY step-children?
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:09 PM on May. 17, 2011

  • I see ur point OP. I also understand how the BM could get mad at ur BF thinking he said the whole stepsister thing. If he knew she would b mad mayb he just prefer u not do it anymore. I would talk to him and see what exactly was his issue? The step sister word or the fast that u r saying they r ur kids? I totally understand ur side tho. If BF was mad ur claiming his kids i would worry.
    Heather021287

    Answer by Heather021287 at 2:13 PM on May. 17, 2011

  • I understand your point about loving them like your own but if you never marry then they are not your step children. A child becomes a step child when you marry not because you feel like you should be able to call your self the "stepmom" If it is that important to you then you should do a couple things. Sit down with BFand see if he feels like he is ok with it and then BM should be talked to about it and see if she agrees or get married and then they are legally your step kids.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:28 PM on May. 17, 2011

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