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Addiction

A few days ago someone posted a question about porn addiction and whether people would stay with the person....

Here is my question. Hasn't it been proven that addiction is an illness? And if so... didn't you promise to love your dh in sickness and in health?

Just curious what your take would be...not just porn...but any addiction. Wouldn't you want to see them get help?

I honestly think some personalities are more prone to addiction than others and they can't help themselves without outside help.

Answer Question
 
Shaken1976

Asked by Shaken1976 at 3:26 PM on May. 17, 2011 in Relationships

Level 20 (9,288 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • I would get them help but if they are not willing to change and it's affecting our relationship then I would leave.
    booger14

    Answer by booger14 at 3:28 PM on May. 17, 2011

  • For me personally the only reason to get a divorce are the three A's

    Adultery
    Addiction
    Abuse

    And for those with addiction only after they refuse to get themselves any help. You cannot be married to someone who puts an addiction over you. They have already broken their marriage vows when they do that and the marriage is already over.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 3:28 PM on May. 17, 2011

  • For me...it depends on the addiction...if DH suddenly started smoking crack or something and became addicted, I don't think I would be able to deal with that...that not something I need around me or my kids and for him to become addicted NOW that means that since we've been married he went out and tried crack...for a porn addiction I would stay with him and see that he got the help he needs...it just all depends on the addiction
    Lucky209

    Answer by Lucky209 at 3:29 PM on May. 17, 2011

  • I think there are limits. If my husband found himself addicted, and refused to get help, we would be out. If he went to treatment and abstained, we would stay.

    It is never a good idea to suppoet someone while they are actively using . . . you only support them while they are getting better and recovered.
    ImaginationMama

    Answer by ImaginationMama at 3:30 PM on May. 17, 2011

  • If it's harming my well being
    If it affects my children negativley
    Causes financial discord to the point of not paying for anything
    If there are no true intentions of getting help and stopping
    Then that is plenty good reason not to stay in the marriage.

    If a man is beating his wife because he is mentally ill and refuses treatment, should she stay? That's a sickness too.
    Musicmom80

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 3:30 PM on May. 17, 2011

  • I have stayed with my dh through addictions we both had. It's life, and it's messy but with my dh I am glad he stuck by me and glad I stuck by him. We could be broken by breaking up or we could be stronger by getting through it together and I thank God that's how it worked for us. I don't judge anyone else for how they handle it though. It's really easy to say "I would leave" but when you find yourself in the situation you find that you can't just cut your feelings off like that.
    JackieGirl007

    Answer by JackieGirl007 at 3:31 PM on May. 17, 2011

  • I don't think that the illness factor lets the person off the hook for their actions. An alcoholic doesn't get off of getting a DUI if they are caught driving drunk just because they are "sick".
    That being said, my husband has been in recovery for pornography addiction (clean and sober for 6 years now), and if he were to relapse I wouldn't leave him for it... I would call his sponsor.
    elizabiza

    Answer by elizabiza at 3:32 PM on May. 17, 2011

  • Depends on the addiction for me......if it was life-threatening, like to me or to our child, I would feel obligated to take her out of danger, not to break our vows, but I would feel my primary responsibility would be to keep our child safe. Of course I would encourage him to seek help and once I was certain the coast was clear, I would prolly go back to him.
    khebert

    Answer by khebert at 3:41 PM on May. 17, 2011

  • I've never bought the "illness" that addiction supposedly is. Even if it were an illness, that is no excuse to put a porn, drug or alcohol addction over family. That said, I've been dealing with my spouse's addiction for most of our marriage and it's nearly ended us more than once. You can only ask, beg and plead with an addict to get help for so long. You can't force them to get help. They have to make the decision and many don't ever see they are doing something wrong. Eventually you resign yourself to what they are or leave if you can.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:46 PM on May. 17, 2011

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