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How would you handle this with your MIL

Kind of long but i will keep it at short as possible...
My dh has 2 moms... step mom who raised him and his bio mom who pretty much abandonded him until he was a teen. My mom and his step mom live in the same town. My mom is paying to fly my dd across country to stay with her for a few weeks this summer and dhs step mom is going to have her for a few days too. here is the issue... my bio MIL lives in the next state over (about 8-10hrs) and i just know she is going to b**ch to no end that she didn't get to see my dd. My mom and i think that if we give her the option she will try to control the entire trip by saying something redictulous like... put her on a bus so she can spend a weekend with me or im picking her up for the weekend over the 4th of july. keep in mind that my mom paid over $600 for this flight. So, should we even mention that my dd is going to be there? what would you do? My dh doesn't care either way, he doesn't really even like her.


Asked by Mel_in_PHX at 3:44 PM on May. 17, 2011 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 19 (6,704 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • I would say, dont tell her. Like you say, she gives no effort, so she shouldnt get any. Especialy since nobody likes her! If she finds out say "well SHE paid for it" and well, 10 hours is a bit of a drive lol

    Answer by minimo77 at 9:28 PM on May. 17, 2011

  • DD is going to visit you MIL (not bio) and your mom. That is what the trip entails. If bio-mil wants time with her, she can make the effort to come visit you.

    Answer by Jademom07 at 3:49 PM on May. 17, 2011

  • I think it would be very gracious of all involved for your mother to invite the bio mil for a 2 day/ 1 night stay at her home on the second to the last day before your daughter leaves.

    That way bio-mil has the opportunity to see your daughter, but it is at your mothers home under her watchful eye, and it is close enough to the end of the trip that bio mil wont take over.


    Answer by Anonymous at 3:48 PM on May. 17, 2011

  • Oh... it also puts it on bio mil to decline based on how long the drive is... that way you all look like the good guys and it was HER choice to decline.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:49 PM on May. 17, 2011

  • that was an option we discussed. problem is that my mom can't stand her. she is a total BIT**.... i mean big time! My mom said maybe a bbq or something. She has family near that she can stay with.

    Comment by Mel_in_PHX (original poster) at 3:49 PM on May. 17, 2011

  • As far as bio mom making the trip... We went back last summer and couldn't make it to her state (our entire family is all within an hour or so of our moms). She was so mad. She laid the biggest guilt trip on my dh. I told him to remind her that we made the drive the last 2 times we were back there and she hasn't done it once. Somehow we still looked like the bad guys. The issues is that we just can't win. Maybe there isn't a solution

    Comment by Mel_in_PHX (original poster) at 3:52 PM on May. 17, 2011

  • Honestly, I would tell her "You wanna see her, you shouldn't have run out on your son." If DS's Bio mom tried to pull this crap with my grandkids, I'd be making the drive to backhand her so hard her front teeth fall out. We have always told her with DS "You are more than welcome to come visit for an hour if you call us ahead of time but we are not driving you and you are not taking him out of the house (because he came back filthy and dehydrated in a cigarette smoke filled car last time she took him). You left. That means you make the effort or you won't see him."

    Answer by MamaStuart at 9:56 PM on May. 17, 2011