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3 Bumps

Sister in law's strange obsession with her brother, my husband

I have been with my dh for 11 years. He has a younger sister, by 8 or 9 years. Up until about a couple of years ago, she would be overly 'friendly" towards him. She would sit in his lap, play with his ears, play with his hair, massage his shoulders, you get the picture...

I found it completely strange, inappropriate, so I said something to him about it. Being a man, he never noticed it. He never acted like this towards her. He agreed, and felt weird about it. He said something to her after she started up, and it made her mad and offended her. So, it mostly stopped.

Well, what made me think of it again, was her visiting home this past weekend. She moved away and has not been in town since Christmas. She asked to see her brother(of course) but did not want to her niece and nephew, or me(which I couldn't care less).

Anyone with any insight in to why she acts like this towards her brother? She is not in a relationship, she cannot keep a boyfriend because she gets clingy and too serious too fast. I know from her telling me she felt like I took him from her when we got married and she always talks about when she was little, she idolized him. Other than that, I have no clue???

Anyone else ever been in a similar situation?? Mostly just curious...

 
AngieBry

Asked by AngieBry at 6:36 PM on May. 17, 2011 in Relationships

Level 18 (5,355 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • totally had the same experience. i finally talked to her face to face and had a heart to heart with her one night. we had a couple of glasses of wine and she pretty much turned into mush in my arms crying about how she was molested. She never had a dad and her mother always had boyfriends and the only way she knows how to interact with men (either in the family or elsewhere) is to play this cutsie role or to play the slut. She didn't know any better and I convinced her to get counseling. she has been in therapy for about 5 years now and has worked out most of her problems. she started dating this great guy a year ago and I finally feel like we are friends instead of me being annoyed with her "playful " manner towards hubby. talk to her, there is always a reason why women act this way.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:41 PM on May. 17, 2011

  • That would weird me out, too. Sounds like she has some boundary issues.
    ImaginationMama

    Answer by ImaginationMama at 6:41 PM on May. 17, 2011

  • How was their relationship growing up do you know? were they really close? Is their father in the picture?...to her it probably seems normal and fine...but to an outsider it's clearly bordering on inappropriate touching...She knows he wont reject her like other men in her life have and if their father was not around that could play a big part in it or if their father was not affectionate...some children will attach to the next closest male figurefor that needed affecton...you brought to his and her attention I would not worry about it unless it starts up again.
    happymama02

    Answer by happymama02 at 6:43 PM on May. 17, 2011

  • Seems strange but maybe they were a touchy feely family and she just never grew up and over it? I know my own kids are always hugging each other and used to sit on each others laps when they were younger. Now the older ones are all about hugs and kisses on the cheeks and they are considered adults. But my dd (oldest will be 22 next month) would never sit on her brothers lap now at her age. She could just be immature in many ways.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 6:58 PM on May. 17, 2011

  • Could be he was a father figure to her. Many young girls are "in love" with their dad and act lovingly with them. It does sound like she has gone overboard since she's not a little girl anymore. He has to be the one to deal with her regarding this though. I don't think it's about molestation as much as it's the need to feel loved. Sounds like she just never grew up emotionally
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 7:08 PM on May. 17, 2011

  • No, but it does sound weird.
    SeasideNative

    Answer by SeasideNative at 6:39 PM on May. 17, 2011

  • Do not know anyone like this but sounds like she is overly attached to him and strange this has not changed since she has become an adult.
    virginiamama71

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 6:40 PM on May. 17, 2011

  • Their dad was always there. I do not think that their father was affectionate, he is STRANGE. My dh tries too hard to keep everyone around him happy, he will not hurt his famiy's feelings...
    AngieBry

    Comment by AngieBry (original poster) at 6:46 PM on May. 17, 2011

  • Weird, but there is probably a reason for it stemming from childhood. I'd just talk to her.
    lovingmy4babies

    Answer by lovingmy4babies at 6:47 PM on May. 17, 2011

  • I am worried that Anon's story may be your SIL's as well. It sounds like she was molested as a child and doesn't know what is appropriate now.
    Mom-2-3-Girlz

    Answer by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 7:01 PM on May. 17, 2011

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