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Big delema need help!!!!!! advice please!!

I have an almost 2 year old son..Im 19 and just got back together with the father 3 months ago after an almost year long custody battle..I know seems wierd but I guess we really didnt get over eachother.He lives with his parents and I live with my cousin. I am looking for work and he works a minimumwage job with tips..this morning I found out that I am pregnant..we really dont belive in abortion and I think that I would be way to attached to give it up for adoption. However I know that we are not stable enough to take care of it. My aunt cant have kids and could take it. or I could get an abortion...please help me relize what I need to do..

Answer Question
 
youngemama92

Asked by youngemama92 at 6:57 PM on May. 17, 2011 in Adoption

Level 3 (16 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • If it were me I would let your aunt have temporary guardianship of the child while you get on your feet. the child will live with her and (hopefully) you and your child's father will work hard to provide a safe home for the child in the future. I also hope that you will be in the child's life as much as possible and help the aunt. Also, get on birth control if you don't want children in the future, it's the responsible thing to do.
    Bugzmomma

    Answer by Bugzmomma at 7:01 PM on May. 17, 2011

  • Are you asking if you should allow your aunt to adopt? How does she feel about it? If she is in agreement that would be a way for you to stay in the life of your child or you could sign over Legal Guardianship until you are ready to take the child back.. You have several options other than abortion
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 7:02 PM on May. 17, 2011

  • I understand where your coming from, i have been in ur shoes.Go to family , friends , or your local DHS. you can do it. Its gonna be hard and i mean very hard. but i made it. and now have 3 happy healthy boys. Do not have a abortion. HAve your aunt help you out. please stay strong.
    ashes27165

    Answer by ashes27165 at 7:04 PM on May. 17, 2011

  • You should give it to your aunt to raise as an open adoption. That way she has a child she can raise and you are still in the childs life.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 7:09 PM on May. 17, 2011

  • Oh mama . . . that is a hard one.

    There are a few points to think about . . . . if someone has the baby "temporarily", they will become attached to each other. That would be the primary attachment, and it usually is not in the child's best interest to break that. Plus, the guardian will go through a huge loss.

    Could you see yourself adopting permanantly to your aunt? Then, you could visit the child, and their bond will stay in tact. You would know that the child was cared for.

    If you are not stable enough to are for a baby, I would think that was a good option.

    Hugs
    ImaginationMama

    Answer by ImaginationMama at 7:12 PM on May. 17, 2011

  • Thank you all for your answers the problem is I really cant afford to go through a pregnancy again. And I dont know if I could give it up after a pregnancy...This is all very hard and stressful..I might just get an abortion..even though I think it is very wrong I still have to lok out for everyones best interests..
    youngemama92

    Comment by youngemama92 (original poster) at 7:28 PM on May. 17, 2011

  • If you think an abortion is wrong then you should not do it. This may be something you will regret later on. Try and look at all the resources in your state for financial help, so you may be able to keep your baby. Is there any family members that may be able to help you or be supportive? I cannot imagine what you are going through.
    Kellyjude1

    Answer by Kellyjude1 at 7:42 PM on May. 17, 2011

  • I Private Messaged you
    Kambrosino07

    Answer by Kambrosino07 at 8:00 PM on May. 17, 2011

  • What a tough situation to be in. You are going to have to ask yourself some very hard questions. Can you live with an abortion?  Would your boyfriend be able to deal with it?


    Can you live with your baby being raised away from you? What will your older child think seeing the whole pregnancy and then having their sibling not come home? Will your boyfriend even be willing to give up his rights? How will family react ?  Can you look at your baby and then actually hand them to someone else to raise? Can you live with never being mommy? How will this baby feel knowing you kept your older child but not him/her? Adoption comes with lifelong pain.


    If you decide to parent your baby it will be hard but there is help out there. If you need help finding resources to parent you can PM me or the Birthmom group here is really good at finding help. You need to sit down and think very hard. Do not let anyone pressure you

    Aislin

    Answer by Aislin at 10:30 PM on May. 17, 2011

  • Hon, you just found out you are pregnant. That means that you have the decision between abortion and becoming a mother. It is FAR FAR too early to make a decision about adoption. A non-coerced choice about being a mother raising your baby, or a mother exiled from your baby can only be made once you have recovered from giving birth -- and this takes at least 2 to 6 weeks minimum. Anyone who says you have to make this decision before the birth if your child is trying to make you surrender that child -- that's the cold hard truth of it. Meanwhile, there are many moms here who can help you to ensure you aren't forced to surrender your baby if you want to keep your baby.
    Cedartrees4

    Answer by Cedartrees4 at 11:37 PM on May. 17, 2011

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