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How to know what is for the best for my son ?

My sons father doesn't seem him that much. He doesn't have a job or licences he doesn't pay child support either. But when he finds a ride and a car seat he will come pick our son up for only a few hours. So it is about three times a month on average. I feel like I'm between a rock and hard place because I feel to be a parent its all or nothing. It's not fair for my son to have a Dad that just comes and go when all his ducks r in a row. it hurts me because my son deserves the best I feel like I'm his only parent that gives him what he deserves. I have a bf that is wonderful and has helped raise my son since he was 5 months. He is now two .He is a wonderful role model for my son and my bf loves my son very much! I am very blessed to have him. He is a hero to my son. So what I need help with is to keep allowing his dad come and go or to cut him out of the picture till he can be a full time determined parent. He has been the same way since our son was born I'm worried he won't Ever change and grow up and take responsibility. I don't want my son hurt. I want what is best for him!

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blaykesmom09

Asked by blaykesmom09 at 10:56 PM on May. 17, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Level 4 (47 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • limiting your son's access to his bio dad would never be in his best interest, even if the guy only comes around every once in a while, your BF is not his dad, and he will come to know that and resent you if you didnt leave all the avenues for a relationship with his father open...is it fair to you? no, but you are not the important one here. Unless the dad is a druggie, alcoholic or abusive, your boy has every right to know his real dad. He may step up and grow up as your child does. He may not. Your son is the only one that has the right to determine if he doesnt want a relationship with him. I went thru this with my son's dad. He didnt really want much to do with him until he was 4 or 5 and could wipe his own ass and feed himself. Good luck
    shivasgirl

    Answer by shivasgirl at 11:13 PM on May. 17, 2011

  • I'll be praying for you!!!BUMP
    prdVirgobby

    Answer by prdVirgobby at 12:04 AM on May. 18, 2011

  • if you try to cut him out be prepared that he may take you to court and demand visitation.. granted that will make him have to show up.. but he is the father and he does have parental rights..
    kristal2146

    Answer by kristal2146 at 12:36 AM on May. 18, 2011

  • If your BF has raised your son since he was 5 months old, the i can garantee that your son sees him as his dad and him leaving would damage your son more than you cutting out his father... my advice is to let him go for the few hours his father has to take him and let your son know him for who he is, you dont have the right to just cut him out and besides he has already cut himself out for the most part.. There is a differance between a father and a daddy.. and though young your son feels the differance.. if his father puts the effort out to see him let him, but don't go out of your way to make it happen for him or make a big deal out of him not coming.. don't call him and ask him to come get him, that should be his part.. he either will or won't...
    girlglow6

    Answer by girlglow6 at 9:55 AM on May. 18, 2011

  • My son is 10 and throughout his life his dad has followed the same pattern as your ex. I think that kids have a right to know where they came from and who their biological parents are. This should not be some shocking revelation that comes out when they are grown, which it usually does at some point. If my son doesn't see his dad, it's not going to be because I denied him access to his biofather. I leave it up to him if he wants to see dad or not during his sporadic appearances. Usually he does.
    riotgrrl

    Answer by riotgrrl at 11:51 AM on May. 18, 2011

  • his bio dad is still his bio dad and unless there is a reason (he is abusive, does drugs, that sort of thing) then you should not cut out all contact.. bf is there as a role model so ds has someone he loves that is a male figure, so ds wont be as hurt with his father in his life as you think.. besides if YOU cut dad off YOU are going to be the one he resents and hates in the end, not his dad.. let dad make the decision to be in his life or not (but by all means feel free to go for child support)
    xxhazeldovexx

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 12:08 PM on May. 18, 2011

  • I don't think you have the right to forbid your son's father from seeing him until he meets your expectations. Your son should know his father as long as the visits are safe. To deny him of that relationship will likely cause turmoil and come back to bite you as your son grows up.
    happi-ladi

    Answer by happi-ladi at 3:55 PM on May. 18, 2011

  • if you have allowed in since birth - he will think your new bf is causing the change... i agree that he needs to be seeing him more regularly - but really why did you allow that until now?? why?? changing something in place is much harder - i would structure your talk with him around the child - and the child getting older - and asking about wheres daddy= when will i see him again - make him feel the guilt... that is the best motivator for men imo.
    AmaliaD

    Answer by AmaliaD at 3:56 PM on May. 18, 2011

  • Do what is best for your child and later on in life he will thank you
    aliciareichle

    Answer by aliciareichle at 3:51 PM on May. 20, 2011

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