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How do you successfully blend a family??

My husband and I married in November 2010. I have 3 boys and he has 2 girls. We have my boys more than his girls and this is causing hard feelings toward my children by him. He is very hard on my boys; they have to "tow the line" and he constantly tells them how good they have it, etc. He tells me he feels guilty doing things with my children because he's not able to do things with his. We also have 2 different sets of rules in the household: the girls rule are much more lenient because they arent with us as much. It's a completely complicated situation. To make things more difficult my oldest son has cerebral palsy and my husband is now telling me that he's having difficulty with him. My son makes noises, squealing, etc and he says he can't handle that all the time. I don't know if this is a growing pain and I should just keep my head up and get through it or if I should just cut my losses.....any suggestions???

 
3plus2

Asked by 3plus2 at 11:12 PM on May. 17, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 4 (36 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • I heard that it takes an average of 7 years for a step-family to blend well with each other.

    If you want to try to make things work, the both of you need to be on the same page. Get some family counseling, sit down and talk about the rules, etc. I would say before calling it complete quits, try using outside resources first. If that doesn't help the situation, then as the other ladies said, your kids come FIRST.
    hopeandglory53

    Answer by hopeandglory53 at 11:51 PM on May. 17, 2011

  • If my husband couldn't handle my child that had cerebral palsey i'd leave. Your kids come first.
    emmyandlisa

    Answer by emmyandlisa at 11:16 PM on May. 17, 2011

  • He knew your son was special needs when he got with you. If he can't handle it he's always known that. What is he wanting you to do, give your son away? It's also not fair that his daughters have different rules. It doesn't matter that they're not there as much. The most successful blended family is one where all the children are treated the same. If one kid or group gets privilege, that shows favoritism.
    AmourSpork

    Answer by AmourSpork at 11:28 PM on May. 17, 2011

  • that is BS, his kids should have the same rules your kids do, favoritism is not conducive to a well blended family. And if he cant handle your kid, well he knew the boy before hand right? I think you might need to reevaluate this one... good luck!

    shivasgirl

    Answer by shivasgirl at 11:35 PM on May. 17, 2011

  • He knew your son was special needs before the two of you got married, did he think the marriage would miraculously change your son? I would leave him if he could not accept him special needs and all.
    smurfyangel

    Answer by smurfyangel at 11:45 PM on May. 17, 2011

  • WOW.. i am So Sorry you are going through this- Blending a family & making it work is the Hardest Job in the World- my kids are grown now-sometimes, i am Amazed that we made it! In your case though i don't know what to say except.. there is No Way i would deal with my husband telling me he couldn't handle my child that has Special Needs- That is really a Heartless thing to say- besides having a blended family- that hits close to home with me.. i am very fortunate but, i also have a mild case of Cerebral Palsy- even with it being mild, it has effected me in one way or another all of my life- i am sure the Noises your son makes are beyond his control- along with many other things that come with CP- Maybe, counseling would be a good idea.. if he isn't willing to go then you & your boys deserve So Much More- Wishing you lots of luck!

    daisyb

    Answer by daisyb at 11:57 PM on May. 17, 2011

  • I grew up in a blended family - my parents (mom and stepdad) married when I was 9, I have a bio sis and brother and 2 stepbrothers (but they are all my brothers!). It took years, long years, and my parents almost split up at one point. If there had been different rules for different kids, it would not have worked - that will just breed resentment among the kids and they will take it out on the parents. The kids need to see you and your husband as a team, if they think you are not together on things they will sense that and use it to their advantage by driving a wedge in between you two.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 9:30 AM on May. 18, 2011

  • i think boundaries are deff key.
    metalhealthmom

    Answer by metalhealthmom at 11:59 PM on May. 17, 2011

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