When I was three years old, I was violently raped by my biological father (BF). Later, it came out that he'd either violently raped or repeatedly molested my older sister (OS) and several cousins.
When my mother divorced BF, she married his brother (SD). By that time, I was five. My cousin-turned-stepbrother (SB) raped and molested me over the next seven years. Many in my family either thinks we were having a consensual incestuous relationship or that he was just one of those victim children acting out what he was taught and wouldn't ever do it again.
They both served jail time, and both are out and living lives now. My father was convicted before Megan's Law and other sex offender registration requirements, so when SB introduced him to one of SB's high school girlfriends, BF started dating her. They ended up conceiving a child and got married while she was pregnant. Six years later, they planned and conceived another child (even though BF knew he was HIV positive before he met her, but that's another story...).
OS and I told our new stepmother (SM) in gory graphic detail about the things that happened to us as a child, but since SM and OS went to high school together, SM assumed OS was lying out of hate or spite. I'm not sure what she thought of my testimony.
Anyway, SM and BF are living the perfect suburban lifestyle now. They have money and fancy cars and nice electronics. My half-sister and half-brother (sibs) are happy and well-adjusted children who don't have any outward signs of abuse. If something is going on, it's not obvious. I hate to think that anything is. At one point, a cousin called CPS in Texas because SB and BF were in the same house with SM and sibs, but CPS never investigated the claim for whatever reason.
I recently decided to accept BF's friend request on FB. I'm pretty sure he's been reading anything I have on the internet anyway for years now, either directly or through other people's accounts. He keeps trying to get me to forgive him for what he's done, saying God gave him a second chance to be a good father (referring to sibs) and that he wants to make amends.
I can't take the chance that he'll hurt my girls like he hurt me. But I'm conflicted. I want to know sibs (older one knows who I am and has met me but is indifferent towards me, younger one's never met me). I know that BF's own biological father (Gpa) did the same things to him and his siblings, but when Gpa was around me and my siblings growing up, he never did anything untoward.
Was Gpa an exception to the rule that sex offenders can never be rehabilitated? Is it possible BF has been rehabilitated? When I was a kid, after BF got out of prison, my mother did take us to visit him because she was worried that we'd hate her for keeping us from him since we were so young (little brother didn't even know why BF was gone). He never was alone with us again and nothing ever happened.
I've already let him into my life again (they sent flowers to one of my births and he's talking about sending a b-day gift to my other daughter). He met one of my daughters at SD's funeral because I couldn't find a sitter. He says he wants to be their grandfather. They don't have a grandfather.
I debated with myself about whether to post this anon or not. I decided not to because most of this information is already discussed on my blog, which I'm sure he reads. I don't know if SM has a Cafe Mom account or if any of her friends do, but I don't think any of this information's a secret.
If you're here to bash, please skip this post...
Answer by sailorwifenmom at 4:49 AM on May. 18, 2011
Answer by louise2 at 6:40 AM on May. 18, 2011
Answer by GoodyBrook at 2:16 AM on May. 18, 2011
Answer by sailorwifenmom at 4:39 AM on May. 18, 2011
Answer by sailorwifenmom at 4:46 AM on May. 18, 2011
Some do change and I think it is up to you. If you do start a relationship then have a talk with him and let him know you will be around at all times. Nobody here will know what is in his head and heart. So nobody can say if he is a different man. Think about it for awhile and just talk to him. If for any reason you feel something wrong then don't let him in. Good luck!
Answer by Anonymous at 2:16 AM on May. 18, 2011
Answer by CatieRose at 2:32 AM on May. 18, 2011
Answer by Mom_Of_3_Angelz at 5:00 AM on May. 18, 2011
Answer by Mom_Of_3_Angelz at 5:02 AM on May. 18, 2011
Answer by Anonymous at 8:06 AM on May. 18, 2011
Next question overall
What can I give my daughter to drink besides milk that will give her what she...