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2 Bumps

He wants to move back again???

When I went to college I moved 5 hrs away from my family. While up there I met Dh and we got married and had our dd. The job market up there sucked though. I had my BS and was workign in a pizza place making min wage. Dh has his GED and was working min wage as a cook. So we decided to move 5 hrs away back to my home town and look for better jobs (he had wanted to move down here for awhile, but I was always hesistant because I just didn't want to). And we got them. We over tripled our income with the move. I have two great jobs. My daytime job I just love, and I have worked really hard to get this job. Dh works in a factory. DD is 17 mos old now and doing GREAT. She's in a wonderful daycare and is finally sleeping through the night. We've been down here since Oct. of 2010. Well Dh mentioned the other night that he wants to move back because he misses his (worthless) friends. I was like so you want to give up everything we have worked for in the last year and go back to some place that we don't know if we can get jobs because you miss your friend w ho uses you and who you never even see anyways?? I think there's seomthing more going here. We've been having a lot of problems and I know tehre's a woman up there that he's been talking to alot. but I'm just not sure what to say or do! I do not want to quit my jobs and pack dd up and move again for no reason. But I know no matter what if I say no, then he will get mad at me, and if I say yes, then I will be the one mad.

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Asked by Anonymous at 7:23 AM on May. 18, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • So what's your question???? Sounds like you answered it to me....You already know there's somebody else, and you are willing to move closer to her??? Wow. I would tell him that you're not going anywhere, but if he wants to, then buh-bye!!

    Answer by cfh72 at 7:27 AM on May. 18, 2011

  • No plain and simple he wants to move somewhere where you could barely make it before? I would say well you have put your suggestion on the table and we have to think about now and our future moving to a place we could barely make it is not a part of it and suggest maybe he visit but not undo progress.


    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 7:28 AM on May. 18, 2011

  • Then don't say yes.... only YOU know what is better for your daughter. IMHO tell him, go ahead and go if you want, but me and DD aren't... When you have children, everything you do should be in their best interest....leaving a great job, great daycare and what sounds like some sort of stability to go back because he misses his friends is idiotic. Sorry, but it's time to do what is best and sometimes (no matter how many disagree with me) that is NOT staying with the dad or SO. You do what is best for you and your precious daughter, put her first and let him do what he wants.... Good Luck sweetheart.

    Answer by kitchenwitch78 at 7:31 AM on May. 18, 2011

  • Sorry dd=id not read the last line about the chick tell him no for you and if he wants he is welcome but also tell him he has to decide either or not both.

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 7:31 AM on May. 18, 2011

  • You've told him how you feel. Tell him again. Find out the real reasons he wants to move back and as much information as you can about this woman he has been talking to. Make a decision that's right for you and your baby. Then stick with it, no matter what. Moving back and giving up everything you've worked for not only sounds unfair, but irrational and suspicious.

    Answer by rosiemendo at 7:44 AM on May. 18, 2011

  • I'd refuse to move.

    Answer by KyliesMom5 at 7:53 AM on May. 18, 2011

  • I have been in a VERY similiar situation. Don't make the same mistake I did! Our jobs weren't great where we were but they're not any better here but now I've lost the support of my family, my WHOLE extended family to his dysfunctional family and a couple of shitty friends. I am MISERABLE here, as much as I get along with my MIL she's still nuts and as much as I try to make friends with his friends' girlfriends they're catty and petty...
    And now that we're back up here there's no way I can get him to follow me down again.
    Now I feel guilty every timI talk to my mom. I feel like I took her grandbaby from her (he was 3 when we moved) and she' only seen our youngest DS once and he's 14mos already!

    Answer by Nicoles2LilRams at 8:00 AM on May. 18, 2011

  • Tell if he wants to go be closer to his "friends" he can move all by himself....why should you give up yours and your DD's good life because he wants to be closer to some woman...forget that!!!

    Answer by happymama02 at 8:06 AM on May. 18, 2011

  • I would let him know that I know it's a lady that he is wanting to get closer to. But I would also tell him he can leave if he want to but me and my dd are staying here. Also let him know that you will not stand for him to be into this other chick. But I am pretty sure you want your marriage to work so talk to him about that chick, moving back to no jobs with dd, and ask him what really matters, family or back where you were with no jobs and a chick.

    Answer by rowej at 8:32 AM on May. 18, 2011

  • If it were me I would make it his choice... 'you can stay here and be a contributing member of this partnership raising our child as a family, or you can move back there by yourself and pay child support on your minimum wage income.' good luck dear. Just put the child first and this becomes an easy decision.

    Answer by Ms.Gwen at 8:47 AM on May. 18, 2011

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