Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

1 Bump

Any advice on raising a teenage girl?

She has not been in trouble but I really question the integrity of a few of her friends. I am trying to set boundaries for her but I also do not want to be ridiculously strick to where I push her away. We have open communucation for the most part but I am sure she does not tell me everything. Any advice will be greatly appreciated!

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:44 AM on May. 18, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (21)
  • Keep an open line of communications with your teen... and be honest with her...

    gmasboy

    Answer by gmasboy at 7:51 AM on May. 18, 2011

  • Sounds like you are doing a great job..communication is the key and while she might not tell you everything she knows if there is a problem she can come to you. With my kids I tell them something like this "This is what I would hope you would do. You are old enough to make your own decisions just make sure you can handle the consequences and if you get in trouble call me." For example with drinking "I have told my children I would prefer they didn't drink until they are old enough. If they do drink underage, they better not drive and they better call me." My parents have a friend whose son got into a very bad car accident, at the age of 17 while drunk. I tell my kids this store because basically his parents had to disown him. If they didn't then they could have lost everything because the passenger could have sued them.

    It isn't easy although as I said sounds like you are doing great!
    cornflakegirl3

    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 7:57 AM on May. 18, 2011

  • I wish my mother had been more like you! :)

    I'm not so far removed from my teen years that I've forgotten them, so I'll add my two cents from her perspective.

    You can be certain that no matter how much she tells you, it isn't everything. If she knows she can trust you if she has a problem, that is great, but you also have to be proactive- Most kids will not say "Mom, I'm thinking about becoming sexually active. We need to talk about BC and safe sex." Most kids will not say "Mom, I've had a few too many to drink while I was at _____ house." Most kids will not say "Mom, I've been seeing a guy, but he's 10 years older than I am." <--- just a few examples.

    Step in, be frank, be open talk to her like you would another adult. Don't talk down to her. Believe it or not, she is perfectly capable of making informed decisions, and of making them responsibly. You simply need to guide her into the right ones.
    ObbyDobbie

    Answer by ObbyDobbie at 8:19 AM on May. 18, 2011

  • My first thought was send her to someone else till she is 25 but I guess that isn't practical. LOL Actually, my son made his home "party central". He welcomed all the kids friends to hang out at his home, always with good supervision. He usually fed them but if money was short, he told them they had to bring snacks. He had house rules posted on a big sheet of poster paper on the living room wall. One of which was that if someone broke the rules, their parents would be called to pick them up. If parents couldn't be reached, the police would be called.
    The kids usually behaved well & the worst thing he had to send someone home for was inappropiate costume at halloween party. If the kids are at your home behaving reasonably decent, you know where yours are 7 what they are doing.
    1bionicgranny

    Answer by 1bionicgranny at 8:23 AM on May. 18, 2011

  • The best thing I have seen for teens is finding a good youth group or church program. My MIL had very bad behaving kids and they had never really been religious people ever. One day she just got sick of it and started taking them to churches until they found this one church (First Baptist) which has totally changed her kids. They have good Christian kids to hang out with, they are in a safe enviornment, and the kids (12, 14, 18, and 21) love the activities, groups, and programs that the church offers. They do dance, singing, plays, games, camps, movie nights, study groups, etc.
    amber710

    Answer by amber710 at 8:34 AM on May. 18, 2011

  • What I can tell you is this: snoop if you feel something is going on and she won't tell you, snoop whenever you can to be on top of things, keep track of her as much as you can, be aware be up to date, in school and anywhere else. Teens will try to get away with a lot thinking mom will not know, I know I did!!!!!! Communication is a plus, but you are also answer  she will not tell you everything, this is why you need to snoop, but in order to preserve their privacy do it only if you feel there is something wrong.  It is not easy but all you got to do is be two steps ahead.......

    older

    Answer by older at 8:36 AM on May. 18, 2011

  • Our children entertained their friends in our home. They were not allowed to just "hang out" some place with the friends of their own choosing. But they could invite them to our home. We made the rules. They were basically the same as they always had been. We found that it provided a safe environment for our children, and they liked that security. We also found that the kids who were up to no good soon lost interest and stopped coming around. It's a wonderful way to allow freedom and, at the same time, keep good safe boundaries.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:39 AM on May. 18, 2011

  • "The best thing I have seen for teens is finding a good youth group or church program."

    "Youth Group" is also where most christian kids lose their virginity, or wind up pregnant.
    ObbyDobbie

    Answer by ObbyDobbie at 8:48 AM on May. 18, 2011

  • Just keep the lines of communication open. You might want to start some conversations with her about things you did when you were her age and maybe got into trouble for. I used to tell mine about the time I told my mom I went to the movies and really went to a party and how her grandma was waiting in the bushes to bust me when I got home. Once she could see me as someone who was once also a teen she felt comfortable telling me things.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 8:48 AM on May. 18, 2011

  • Always remember how you were as a teenager and learn to pick your battles.
    MommaKath1975

    Answer by MommaKath1975 at 9:36 AM on May. 18, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN