Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

2 Bumps

Family Drama Predicament! I need your advice... (LONG) adult content

Okay so a little back story so ya'll get the low-down...

My dad has been an arrogant, overbearing, child beating jerk since I've known him. I have two other sisters, my older sister is in a wheelchair and has been since birth, and we have a baby sister, just three years younger than me. So our entire childhood was torture. We'd get beaten and name called on a daily basis. Stuff thrown at us, my dad would make messes and make us clean it up... He used to beat my mom, and then he stopped beating her, and completely took his rage out on us. He would also NOT stop touching us even when we'd tell him to stop. My sister who was in a wheelchair, was beaten so bad, and she couldn't walk so she couldn't escape. He gave her a black eye a few times, but the first time my mom noticed (she used to work all the time)and asked my sis what happened, and the I told my mom what happened, and about everything else that was going on. Guess what? My mom got mad at my dad, but didn't do anything about it. And as far as everything else, she told us she didn't believe us. We could trust no one. All we had was each other....

We got older, and we started putting my dad in his place, and he realized that we weren't the cowering children in the corner anymore. We were adults, and we were pissed. So eventually, my dad left my mom for another woman and she was devastated. We thought he was gone for good, so we finally started living peacefully, having great holidays & birthdays unlike before... And then dad comes back. And he's pretending to make nice with everyone, but we still obviously dont trust him around our kids... He kept leaving and coming back... leaving... then coming back...

Well this last time, my younger sister told her kids that he wasn't a grandfather because of how mean he was, and instead of calling him grandpa, they were to call him by his name. My dad used to tell my sister she was ugly, and she was found in a trash can, and would bite her... and then didnt want her kids over because theyre mexican (hes mexican too)so its understandable. She didn't want him in the kids life and refused to let him go to her dd's t-ball game. So he said she wasn't allowed to come back to the house. My mom said she supported his decision bcuz theyre working on their marriage. So my sister no longer goes over to my parents house. Well heres the predicament...

My son is having a little birthday shin-dig on Friday, after he graduates from kinder. We're gonna have it at the zoo. My sister said that if my dad shows, she's going to leave. I asked my son who he'd rather have there, his cousins or grandpa and he said the kids. So I didn't invite my dad. I just want a drama free birthday for my son, but my mom is trying to pressure me into inviting my dad and I just wish she could respect my decision.

So... I don't want to invite my dad. My son wants his cousins there. What's the best way to solve this situation? DO you think its wrong not to invite my crazy dad?

Answer Question
 
ILoveAsherAthan

Asked by ILoveAsherAthan at 9:17 AM on May. 18, 2011 in Relationships

Level 12 (817 Credits)
Answers (24)
  • No it is not wrong, he doesn't deserve any invitation to make a joyful day not so joyous.
    older

    Answer by older at 9:22 AM on May. 18, 2011

  • I wouldn't invite the jerk, sounds like he would make the entire party about himself. I had to cut both of my parents out of my life because they are doing the exact same crap.. Mom is a jerk and Dad supports her because he has never been with anyone else and is scared.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:23 AM on May. 18, 2011

  • Honestly I would never speak to the man again,, I wouldn't put my 6 year old in the postition of choosing anyone, I would cut this SOB out of my life forever,, My DH was beaten by his step father, and his mother didn't do anything to protect him,, I would have issues with your mother as well, but perhaps you can repair/forgive her? He wouldn't even know my kid's name if it was me! I would perhaps even get a restraing order against him!
    kimigogo

    Answer by kimigogo at 9:24 AM on May. 18, 2011

  • I would stick to your guns and not invite your father. You need to do what's best for you and your kids, not your mother. It's her life, she made her choices and they are not your fault. You make yours.
    jllcali

    Answer by jllcali at 9:25 AM on May. 18, 2011

  • No you arent wrong. You just call your parents and tell them neither of them are invited because your son and you want the kids there and since they are the ones who made the situation what it is, it forced you to make a choice and you are choosing your sister. I would 100% include your mom in the not being invited part because she is enabling this jerk by allowing him to continue to dictate things just to hurt you girls. She is just as wrong as he is imo.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 9:25 AM on May. 18, 2011

  • Heck no its not wrong for not wanting to invite him! You mother is out of line for trying to pressure you into inviting him. The party is at the zoo which is for children any way. You invite your sister and her children and enjoy your sons graduating. There is no reason to make your self or your sister uncomfortable. Inviting your dad will just cause drama. Hope that helps.
    alboston

    Answer by alboston at 9:26 AM on May. 18, 2011

  • don't invite your asshole dad....your sister & her kids have much more of a right to be there than your dad. Tell your mom that you all have nothing but ill memories of your dad & that you don't want him there at all. I would put my foot down & not take no for an answer.

    remind her that she accused you guys of lying when he was beating your ass & that you couldn't trust anyone because of it.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 9:27 AM on May. 18, 2011

  • Well, I'd tell your mom that it's your SON'S party, and he gets to decide who he wants at the party. Since the cousins will be leaving if your Dad shows, then you can't invite your Dad. Simple enough. Your Dad is toxic, and I wouldn't let my children near him period.
    lovingmy4babies

    Answer by lovingmy4babies at 9:27 AM on May. 18, 2011

  • I really appreciate ya'lls advice!
    ILoveAsherAthan

    Comment by ILoveAsherAthan (original poster) at 9:28 AM on May. 18, 2011

  • No, not wrong to not invite your dad. He doesn't deserve to be a part of your or your family's life.
    mom2aspclboy

    Answer by mom2aspclboy at 9:29 AM on May. 18, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.