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Feeling guilty for haveing sex with my partner when we are in a finachial crisis... I'll explain...

DH and I have not been having sex regularly for 2 years now. I find myself feelig guilty for 'wasting time' with such trivial pleasures when we are in so much financial trouble. All that is on my mind is. How do we get out of this mortgage, How do we find an Apt we can afford, is my unemployment going to be enough, when will DH find a new job, Gosh the kids need new shoes...wonder who has the best deal, When does DH get paid next, I hope they call us about our food stamp app. soon.... The list goes on and on. It'sl ike I feel like if we have so much 'work' to do in our lives sex should be the LAST thing on his or my mind. I know he is getting frustrated. I just feel bad for enjoying anything when there is so much that needs done and considered and corrected... KWIM... OMG. Help me figure this out. Surely I am wrong but how do make myself not feel this way.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 9:50 AM on May. 18, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • Keep in mind that sex is free. IT doesn't cost anything and it is actually beneficial to you and your partner to feel that while everything else is going wrong, you still have that personal time together to remain connected in your struggle.

    Answer by Jademom07 at 9:52 AM on May. 18, 2011

  • Think of it as the one pleasure that does not cost a thing, enjoy yourself , not enjoying will not change the situation!

    Answer by older at 9:52 AM on May. 18, 2011

  • Worrying about money will not make you have more of it. Make a list of things you need to do to meet your financial goals every day (i.e. call on your applications, look through the paper, call the mortgage company, etc) and then when you have done it, you are off duty for the day. After hours, what do you really think you're going to do anyway, kwim? No bank is open at 11pm...might as well enjoy yourself!

    Answer by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 9:56 AM on May. 18, 2011

  • Maybe it will help you to spend some time thinking about the fact that intimacy with your mate is a powerful bonding tool which might just make the two of you stronger and more prepared to meet these crises together, rather than each of you trying to deal with them separately. It is much, much more than just an act of pleasure--it's how the two of you connect with each other on a level that goes much more deeply than the physical.

    Answer by NannyB. at 10:00 AM on May. 18, 2011

  • Sex is a great stress reliever, which could, in theory, help with not making more medical bills- stress is known to cause illnesses and put additional strain on your heart.

    Answer by lovingmy4babies at 10:35 AM on May. 18, 2011

  • I think you should talk to your doctor. This sounds like an anxiety disorder. It's natural to worry, but when it has a detrimental effect on you or your loved ones you should get some outside help or atleast perspective on the issue. Sex is free and fun. Fun is the best cure for worrying. Try telling yourself this...

    God, grant me the patience to accept the things I cannot change. The courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

    Than let go, and let god.

    Answer by Ms.Gwen at 10:59 AM on May. 18, 2011

  • Sex is a stress of charge. Enjoy yourselves, it sounds like you NEED it.

    Answer by hopeandglory53 at 11:04 AM on May. 18, 2011

  • Having sex can really only help things at this point. It won't cost you a dime (but make sure you have safe sex so you don't add a pregnancy to your woes) and it will bring the two of you closer. It will likely boost your DH's ego and his self esteem to be getting some at home, and that might help him out when looking for a job. It could relieve some stress for both of you, too. Believe me, I know how much money problems suck, but there's only so much you can do, and once that is done why not have a little fun? You don't deserve to be punished or miss out on some of the good things in life just because you have bad finances. If your choices are sitting around feeling miserable all night, or getting busy with your DH, then I think there's a clear winner there. Just make yourself do it and see how it works out. I don't think you have anything to feel guilty about for enjoying your marital relations.

    Answer by MaryMW at 12:26 PM on May. 18, 2011

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