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My vent.= Anyone else with troubled teens wanna vent to?

I need to know what you think should be done with my daughter if she were yours. She is kicked out of school because she has numerous things on her record, she is only (13) and some girls said that she touched down their and their boobs. I think my daughter is innocent because she never cries she's a hard one to break like me,but she was crying and she said " I'm so sick and freakin tired of being treated like I'm a criminal,I don't deserve this,I didnt do anything. I went to the school board spoke to them and they had printed out everything from her past clear down to kindergarten. My husband and I tried to explain that she was punished for all that and she had her consequences to here at home,she shouldn't be expelled because of past mistakes. They said she will not be allowed back in a typical school setting till January,2012. I do have some problems that I see on her record,like excessive tardies over 77. I see that her and some teachers can't get along, one teacher told the class that she didn't like my daughter at all,and said the same about a few other students. She is a rock and it's been really tough to deal with all of this,and it's wearing me really thin. I really need my daughter to change and I don't know how, will she ever see her behavior? Another thing that really tripped up the school board is that my daughter CAN and HAS made straight A's she's smart as a whip,and talented,and it seems she tried to belittle herself. I noticed that she is starting to catch on that she is smart cause I've told her and her friends noticed it too. This girl is not lacking in smarts or talent,she is lacking in thinking about consequences and what her behavior means. I need her to do a complete 180. I know only she can realize this and make the change for herself. She adapts to easy,I'm afraid she will like this new school and she won't want to go back to public schools ever. I'm also having difficulties with my 12 yr old he has tons on his record for 4 5 6th grades. He doesnt do his work,and he feels picked on all the time. He talks in class,and the teacher says he mumbles under his breathe,I've seen him do it here at home,even though he denies it. I've tried to show him that he does and we've had punishments for his behavior but nothing is working. I'm gonna get both my kids tested for adhd, add, and everything else under the sun so I can figure out how to help them. Maybe they need medication even though I hate to go that route. Anyways I'm rattling on and I could go on for hours but man I never thought raising teens could be this aggravating,they are breaking my heart at every turn. My kids need to learn respect somewhere down the line I messed up as a parent. My kids could have a lot going for them in the talent department brains,beauty. I want them to have a good life,but they are headed down a road to jail life and hard times.

Answer Question

Asked by MarGeee at 10:14 AM on May. 18, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 20 (9,059 Credits)
Answers (16)
  • My oldest son is Bipolar and I ended up taking him out of school and home schooling him. He was singled out alot due to his past behavior. Once you have a teacher and/or admins against your child there is very little you can do about it. I suggest home schooling. My son left high school in 9th grade after being suspended 5 times, once for wearing a hoody. He graduated in less than 2 yrs with home school. It would relieve the stress I can tell you that much.
    Also do look into counseling. Something else is going on if both children have some issues. I wouldnt jump on the adhd bandwagon until you see a counselor. There are any number of things that can be affecting them.

    Answer by gemgem at 10:18 AM on May. 18, 2011

  • Sorry, Mama. You think maybe counceling would help? It is really hard raising children, especially through the teen years. My mom always told me that you never pay for your raising until you raise your own. I realize now what she meant. Hang in there!!!

    Answer by RelaxedMom2-3 at 10:18 AM on May. 18, 2011

  • I'd probably seek the help of a counselor or therapist to start with. Then do testing if they think it's necessary. Sometimes we parents just need help.
    Can you move them to another school? Private? Home school? Does your district have online abilities? The teen years are the worst. I always laugh when my late mom friend complains about her 4 yr old. Just wait I tell her.
    You are doing what is right in finding out what the problem is. Good Luck.

    Answer by itsmesteph11 at 10:22 AM on May. 18, 2011

  • I'm so scared for next year when she can go back,and I know I have more time but if she does go back next year anything could happen... I think they'll be watching her like a hawk,and that spells trouble if she doesn't change. I wish I could home school them but I struggled in school myself academically so teaching them from home is out for me. =[

    Comment by MarGeee (original poster) at 10:25 AM on May. 18, 2011

  • Honestly, sounds like me at 13 and I want to say that's just how some girls are at that age. I think my parents did just fine and did all they could do. I was late for school, skipped school, talked back, detention, went to school high, drank at school, etc., you name it I did it. I didn't get along with all of my teachers either. I thought these people were professionals? They are kicking her out b/c they think that's best? Come on, that'll only put fuel on the fire. Getting them tested for adhd is not a bad idea idea. How much time do you get to spend with them, do you eat dinner together as a family? What does your DD enjoy, what does she excel in.? Singing, drawing, writing, etc, maybe you can put her in some kind of after school class related to her interests? Maybe she feels like she's being ragged on all the time, does anyone ever stop and say, you're an awesome daughter and we love you? Cont..

    Answer by yesmaam at 10:25 AM on May. 18, 2011

  • ..cont not sure if this'll help much, but just some food for thought more than anything. GL to you, and just don't give up on them, they need you whether they ever admit it or not.

    Answer by yesmaam at 10:26 AM on May. 18, 2011

  • I wanted to put them at a private school here but they said no to that. Apparently they have to report to our school district. When she is in the 9th grade though I'm gonna get her into Merit Academy,it's a college prep school and it's a very good school for them in fact their friends rave about it.

    Comment by MarGeee (original poster) at 10:28 AM on May. 18, 2011

  • My sister (13) has never been in trouble at school, but she does feel like she's totally misunderstood. When she's home, shes playing games on Facebook, or watching tv. My dad shut off his satellite (numerous reasons, not just this) and she refuses to go to his house because "theres nothing to do." She is a 4.0, and stays out of trouble... I just wonder what she would be capable of doing if she would apply herself. She was born 11wks early, and my parents have excused her behavior, saying, "she's not all there."

    Well, if your child hears you saying things like that, either 1) they start to believe it, or 2) they take advantage of it and play dumb. she's really NOT stupid. Thing is, you can't get her off the couch long enough to even shower without a baby fit. And she's not watching anything productive. It's Spongebob and iCarly and Suite Life... the same shows my 9yr old sister is outgrowing. Wish she'd grow up.

    Answer by matobe at 10:30 AM on May. 18, 2011

  • yesmaam ty,yes she gets tons of good attention from me,her dad is the difficult one. I wish you guys could see her and the way I function with her,I've had parents compliment me all the time and even her own friends have told her that she needs to straighten up. Their always saying Julie listen to your mom. She plays the violin so very well! She is an excellent little dance. She wants to play percussion,but the schools here only do marching band stuff and it's not what she wants. She has a desire to play drums.

    Comment by MarGeee (original poster) at 10:32 AM on May. 18, 2011

  • I agree with the counseling. If insurance doesn't cover, look for a church in your area that may offer free counseling or some other type place. You will probably have to dig for this, and ask around.
    I also think maybe a different school since you don't feel comfortable with it yourself. My 4th daughter went to a charter school. She ended up going to college/highschool at the same time. Graduated at 16 with college transfer credits. She went on to get her BS in criminal justice. I wish I could go back and send my other 3 kids to charter schools. Here's the kicker, the one daughter that went to a christian school for high school is now living with me and her child. She is a later bloomer in the maturity department.
    We've changed a lot of things though, such as diet. We've noticed many foods can effect moods, hormones, behavior. We avoid processed food, especially soy and high fructose corn syrup.

    Answer by jillsanimalfarm at 10:34 AM on May. 18, 2011

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