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2 Bumps

Moving after divorce

Does anyone have any experience with moving out of state after a divorce? I am in a serious relationship that is leading toward marriage and I have 3 kids and would like to relocate to another state. In my state it says I have to provide 90 days written notice to my ex about the relocation and he can file an appeal and then the long, drawn out court battle will begin. Really, when I look at it I can't see a judge ruling in my favor even though I am the custodial parent because my kids are in school, established, one has special needs (dyslexia and seizure disorder) and has her specialists here. Plus, my entire family lives in the area around their father. So how can I prove that it won't be detremental to my children to move them? Am I looking at spending a ton of money on a lost battle?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:38 AM on May. 18, 2011 in General Parenting

Answers (11)
  • I hope you come here for honest opinion, good with the bad. Do you really think it is in their best interest to move? Only knowing the facts you've given us here, I think it's best to keep them where they are. What is the reason you want to move out of state?
    yesmaam

    Answer by yesmaam at 10:42 AM on May. 18, 2011

  • Well you can give him the notice and then move. Once he files and you have already moved there isnt much the judge can do. You can show they adjusted well, are in school, have specialists where you live, and that being remarried offers them an "in tact" family unit that is beneficial to them. It doesnt mean you will win, but you will have time once you do move to establish yourself. Another option is for YOU to file for a modification before he does based on the fact you are moving and need a change in visitation schedules.

    Good luck! I am going to court this year over custody as well. I am calling it "Bashfest 2011", bc thats what custody battles turn into.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 10:42 AM on May. 18, 2011

  • Is your ex involved with your kids? I am happy that you are in a good relationship, but if you kids have their family and are established, I really think you need to stay put for their sake,, they have already lost their Mom and Dad being together, and I think that your going to have difficulty proving there wouldn't be any harm to them, there will be. I think perhaps your new guy should consider moving to be with you, if that isn't what he wants to do to be with the love of his life, then perhaps he isn't the right one. Your main goal should be to keep your children as stable and happy as possible. I know it isn't what you want to hear, but you only have your kids for a small time, you have your whole life to get what you want! Good luck! And for the record, I would spend my last dollar if my husband tried to move my child away from me! How would you feel if the roles were reversed?
    kimigogo

    Answer by kimigogo at 10:45 AM on May. 18, 2011

  • If you move without the Courts Approval and he has filed a petition, he can file to have the children return to their current state (which means he would get primary custody if the judge awards his request).
    laird6372

    Answer by laird6372 at 10:45 AM on May. 18, 2011

  • Yes, I want to know the good with the bad. I am weighing all options. Really, I would like to move to a larger city that is approximately 50 minutes from my current location. My current relationship is interested in moving to a warm climate state that neither of us are from to start over. I've always been attracted to this area, but I also am hesitant. Your opinions are welcomed :)
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:46 AM on May. 18, 2011

  • If you move without the Courts Approval and he has filed a petition, he can file to have the children return to their current state (which means he would get primary custody if the judge awards his request).

    I WOULD NEVER DO THIS, I WILL ALWAYS ABIDE BY THE COURTS. MY GIRLS ARE MY WORLD AND I WOULD NEVER RISK LOSING THEM FOR ANYONE OR ANYTHING!!!! ;)
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:50 AM on May. 18, 2011

  • I am so glad you posted answers back,, I think that you will most likely lose the battle,, I know it isn't what you want to hear, but perhaps take the money you would spend on court, and save for moving to warmer cliamtes when your kiddos are up and out,, I didn't understand that you were only moving an hour away, perhaps this is close enough for you new guy to commute back and forth to work from? You could always talk to your ex and see if he would grant permission,, I am sorry, I thought out of state meant several states and our hours away! I wouldn't blindside him with a court date, perhaps he will allow you to go, but if not I think the commute thing would be best,, good luck!
    kimigogo

    Answer by kimigogo at 10:55 AM on May. 18, 2011

  • I would be concerned your current SO wants to move you to a place where you have no friends or family. Right now your first priority is your children and what is best for them. Is taking them away from family, friends and most importantly their dad good for them?
    chaiteamomma

    Answer by chaiteamomma at 10:59 AM on May. 18, 2011

  • You would win depending on the state and judge. My friend did it. The judge granted her the ability to move because she was going to remarry.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:01 AM on May. 18, 2011

  • Hello.. I understand how you feel.. I had been married for 10 years and none of my family lived there in the state that we lived in.. I had my church friends and the people i worked with but no family.. My ex husband's family lived there but not really good relationship was established with them due to he had a previous marriage before me.. All my family lives in a different state so I decided instead of getting treated like crap for the rest of my life ..just move.. I moved out of state along with my 2 daughters judge or no judge.. If the father of your children does alot of things with your children then I could understand how he would feel about the move. In other words I understand how you feel.. You have to make the right decision for your children and yourself.. Y can't the guy you are involved with move to where you live or is that not an option for him? I will pray for you because I do understand how you feel..
    gamom2030

    Answer by gamom2030 at 11:03 AM on May. 18, 2011

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