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Why do I feel this way? Why am I dreaming about him?

1. I AM HAPPILY MARRIED for 3yrs. We have been together a total of 11yrs (off & off in the early years) since the 10th grade. BUT.
In the 3rd grade I met my BFF, growing up we also hung out with her 2 older brothers, and her oldest sis babysat me. Our parents ended up being friends & would party together. Me & one of the brothers started dating & we had dated ALL through growing up all the way till I was 21, anytime we where single you would find us together. But things kept us apart. our age, our family, my bff & once we where old enough, it seemed like we couldnt stay together anyway (some argument would split us up). And along the way, he kids, and his fair-share of sleeping around (We had never slept together, mind you).
Well. Im 27yo now. Married. with a child.. I seen him last week & it for some reason tugs at my heart. and now im even dreaming about him.
Why am I like this!? Obviously we never worked out. And his adult past is filled with being a "man-hoe", failed marriages & a child to show for each one. But anytime I look into his eyes, I recall that feeling we had. And what might have been.
What do I do? I feel so guilty.
Im just thankful I only have a chance of seeing him about once a year at my BFFs house at her kids bday party.
TY for reading


Asked by Anonymous at 10:53 AM on May. 18, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • Sometimes our hearts get the best of us and take us back to a romantic feeling or spark of chemistry we once had with someone and we get that sense of longing or wondering what if. It's ok to indulge that for about five minutes and then you have to let your head take over and remind you that you are happily married with a good man, and that had you married this other guy you would probably be another name on a list of his ex-es, trying to get child support out of him and wondering when he would ever get his act together, or fighting all the time and wondering if he's out fooling around on you. If you let your head paint the "what if" picture it doesn't sound so appealing anymore. Put him out of your mind and the dreams will go away eventually, too. I think most of us have that person from our past and those fleeting moments of wondering what could have been. We just can't dwell on it or it's playing with fire.

    Answer by MaryMW at 12:18 PM on May. 18, 2011

  • because your heart & mind are wondering what would have happened if you married him instead.

    It's normal...just try to let go of him.

    Answer by samurai_chica at 11:02 AM on May. 18, 2011

  • I agree- totally normal to wonder 'what if...' about exes. As long as you are happy with your DH and you aren't running after this other guy throwing yourself at him, you're good. You can't help what you dream about, you know. It's just your subconscious trying to work out your feelings.

    Answer by lovingmy4babies at 11:11 AM on May. 18, 2011

  • You said it yourself, "what could have been". If you realize he's a man-ho, you can surely tell yourseft that you could be an Ex, possibly hating his guts. He will probably never change. Visualize what could have happened, then be grateful for the husband and family you have. That should eliminate your dreams about him.

    Answer by Kimimale at 11:11 AM on May. 18, 2011

  • all i can say is you are probably feeling this way because you guys have known each other for quite some time, dated, broken off and it was a challenging experience for you both i'm sure. its normal to dream, fantasize about an ex. it puts that thought in your head what if. but you are married,and have a child and hopefully things are going well with you. so long as they are just thoughts and you don't act upon them, you should be okay.

    Answer by lucky35 at 11:11 AM on May. 18, 2011

  • because dreams are in some how reality...

    Answer by GlitteribonMom at 11:45 AM on May. 18, 2011