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How do I get my ex husband's new wife to stay out of our daughter's decision making?

 My ex husband and I got a divorce the last week in June he got remarried in the last week of July.. go figure.... We have 2 daughters ages 6 and 7 and she has 2 daughters 8,11 yrs old. They do not get along with one another. The new wife has tried several times to take charges against me which she has lost in both cases.. I have tried to explain to my ex husband that his daughters thrive to have his attention like they used to before we split.. Granted the girls and I have moved to a different state where we have lots of family but he still has no clue what they want.. They are afraid of him because it was an abusive marriage. he has a son from a previous marriage and his son now is in college but doesn't have anything to do with him unless our daughters go to visit with him..

Sorry, for the book but I would just like to get some advice or suggestions on what I can do or say about the new wife.. I wish her well with him but my kids don't like her or her daughters because they are very mean to them.  I have recommended to my ex husband to grow some balls stand up to her and say these are my children and I have to do whats best for them too. Instead of her telling my daughters that her and her daughter's are his #1 priority now..  Thanks for listening... Just curious..

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Asked by Anonymous at 11:18 AM on May. 18, 2011 in General Parenting

Answers (11)
  • I would just get her alone and tell her what you told us, straight out and to the point!

    Answer by older at 11:21 AM on May. 18, 2011

  • id like to know this too! my only answer id to kill her, but yeah, thats not right. lol! In my case the woman who has NO kids, trys to give me parenting advice! im like shut up! but i nodd and smile, and vent to my boyfriend as soon as i can. i dont think you, we, can stop it. I also never confirm or deny things, with her.

    Answer by Susannah19 at 11:23 AM on May. 18, 2011

  • Well in my case I tell the step moms to butt out and I tell my ex's I will only deal with them directly, and if I hear them in the background or they call me, email me, send smoke signals then Ill take them back to court on whatever issue I can find. And believe me there is always some small issue you can file about. I have never had to file FYI the threat alone has always been enough.

    if he is abusive I dont see why you dont go for sole custody? He obviously married an unstable woman, and he is abusive, and you have an adult child of his who I would guess would be willing to help you by testifying.

    Answer by gemgem at 11:24 AM on May. 18, 2011

  • I have several times.. It hasn't work.. My daughter's have to go to spend the summer with them and they are already having problems with it.. They cry not wanting to go. Their father has missed alot because of this new wife she is jealous thinking that we might get back together I feel.. She will not let him come to the state we live in to do anything with them.. They had a father daughter dance he told them he was coming .. no show .. Then sends me a txt saying that he couldn't afford it it but real reason was she wouldn't let him fter it all came out. So now i'm bummed for my daughters.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:25 AM on May. 18, 2011

  • I would file for sole custody!

    Answer by kimigogo at 11:26 AM on May. 18, 2011

  • not only the adult son but the ex husband's mother would go to court with me.. I have charges pending now.. But you know the court system... SLOW

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:27 AM on May. 18, 2011

  • It's hard on the girls they love their dad but it's like he has went back to his childhood days with this chick..

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:28 AM on May. 18, 2011

  • There are really just a few options here. One, he can be the intermediary. And really that's how it should go because this is his wife and his daughters and he should be able to help facilitate a healthy relationship between the two. But it doesn't sound like he is effective in that role. Two, you can speak with her directly about the things that are concerning you between her and your daughters. Be aware that with the type of person she is, all this is likely to do is make the animosity between you worse. Three, you can take it before a judge and leave it to a neutral 3rd party to lay out a parenting plan for both households. I have a blended family, and we've always been able to work it out ourselves, but that only works if you are dealing with reasonable people and if they really can't or won't put your daughters' interests before their own and equal to the other kids in the household, then that's what courts are there for.

    Answer by riotgrrl at 12:05 PM on May. 18, 2011

  • She is not jealous that you might get back together, she is jealous of anything that reminds her of his former life, including your children... seriously, that is what is going on. There are many second wives that feel that there should be no reminders of his previous relationships including children... idiotic I know, since she knew he had them before they were married. I would suggest counseling for your children so that they are better prepared and have better coping mechanisms for visits. Your Ex will most likely side with his new wife as that is where his alligence lie now. So the best you can do is prepare your children and by all means, tell your ex that his wife has caused quite a bit of emotional distress over being jealous of children that aren't hers.

    Answer by hollydaze1974 at 12:18 PM on May. 18, 2011

  • I would file for full custody. They should get to see their dad if they want to but not with the step bitch around

    Answer by JLS2388 at 12:18 PM on May. 18, 2011

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