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6 Bumps

Do I get involved or stay away from this situation?? Need serious advice...

For the record, I was a domestic violence victim for two years before I escaped and went through the trial of sentencing my ex, who tried to kill me.

That being said, I now know and have confirmation that my neighbor is abusive towards his wife. We've called security before- call it my intuition- and yesterday the wife basically made it clear to me things are real bad. She's always trying to talk to me, but I'm real busy and wanted to keep a distance. We've never chatted for more than 5min in the hall.

Well now she's considering leaving him, but unsure of what to do. I'm going over there Monday to help her with paperwork for something unrelated. My SO thinks I should not go over there and help her at all, that it's going to cause problems. He's afraid of her husband finding out I helped her in any way. I just want to help and give her resources for her and her two children...we sometimes hear them fighting and it's terrifying.

She's f/ Morroco, has no family here, no friends, and no internet- her English is only okay- so literally she has NO ONE to help her, let alone anyone who has ANY idea what she's going through. I feel compelled to at least give her resources...

What should I do??? Go over there Monday and help her....not go...or offer resources, but say I do not want to be further involved in any way???

Any advice is great, thx


Asked by lexi8622 at 1:13 PM on May. 18, 2011 in Relationships

Level 17 (3,640 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (28)
  • This is a sticky situation. It's great that you want to help her, but you have to think of your own safety and the safety of your family. I would contact the local women's shelter and explain the situation and ask them what to do. You know from personal experience that she may change her mind multiple times before she finally gets the courage to leave him. You can't make her do it, all you can do is offer the resources. I'd call 911 the very next time I heard them fighting.

    Answer by Bethsunshine at 2:34 PM on May. 18, 2011

  • I would go. Don't let fear keep you from helping a woman and kids in trouble. This week, do some research, and write down numbers of local woman's shelters for her. She should call them and they can help her with escape and safety plans . . and hopefully provide her and her kids with some temp housing until she can get back on her feet. Bring those numbers with you and give them to her.

    Don't turn your back, mama. You could save her life.


    Answer by ImaginationMama at 1:17 PM on May. 18, 2011

  • HELP HER. please. keep yourself safe, but how would you feel if something happened and she ended up badly hurt or worse? think about that as you decide what to do - that should guide your decision.

    This is EXACTLY like those commercials I used to see, where the neighbors would listen and do nothing as a woman was abused in the next apartment. Do something, please. Especially if she is from another culture. She probably does not even know waht rights she has here, or what resources there may be to help her.

    Tell her she need not worry about immigration status either - as a victim of domestic violence, if she cooperates with the police, she can apply for a U Visa, EVEN IF she came into this country illegally. She does not need to depend on her husband for residency.

    Tell her about battered womens shelters, hotlines, & other resources in your community. You could even call first & find out if they have Arab. translators

    Answer by FelipesMom at 1:19 PM on May. 18, 2011

  • Kudos to you for helping someone in need! Sometimes, it takes a village to fight.

    Answer by ImaginationMama at 1:24 PM on May. 18, 2011

  • Id get involved. I would just start calling the police anything you hear them fighting, and also contact cps. They will remove him from the home (cps) or ask she move out before getting the kids back.

    Answer by gemgem at 1:14 PM on May. 18, 2011

  • Give her the help. I know my husband would support me if I had to help someone in that situation.


    Answer by momavanessa at 1:19 PM on May. 18, 2011

  • You can even do some of the calling for her. Tell the woman's shelter about her, and they will give you details, contact numbers, instructions, etc. You will save her alot of time that way.

    Answer by ImaginationMama at 1:21 PM on May. 18, 2011

  • I was a victim of abuse for MANY years. I wish someone had talked to me, given me options. I was told to stay in the marriage because divorce was against God's law. I was told everything was MY fault, I pissed him off, I did something wrong. I remarried into an abusive relationship (less physical more mental & emotional) because that's all I knew. There were no group therapies, no classes to take, no one to tell me it was wrong. If you don't help her, who will? And how will you feel each time you hear the abuse going on and you could have helped? Do it.

    Answer by Kimimale at 1:21 PM on May. 18, 2011

  • I would help her, give her the resources, call 911 whenever you hear anything going on over there. In the long run your SO will be proud of you for helping. Stay safe

    Answer by tamara2065 at 1:28 PM on May. 18, 2011

  • I would say that you should help her,but at the same time be very careful and alert,don't put yourself in harms way....If you can find another location other than her home to help!!

    Answer by celeb151 at 1:36 PM on May. 18, 2011