Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

My 14 year old son keeps running away. What can I do?

My son says the stress of schoolwork, household chores and me are almost taking him to his breaking point. His teachers and I met with him and we all made concessions, to no avail. Basically, this kid comes home to shower, eat and change. The only acceptable concession he seems to prefer is to be left alone and decide whatever he will do for that day. When questioned, he always lies. These characteristics are totally unlike him. I'm working on getting counseling, he has a big brother from the big brother/big sister program and attends church.

 
Ewadun

Asked by Ewadun at 9:11 PM on Dec. 6, 2008 in Teens (13-17)

Level 14 (1,648 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • BOOTCAMP.
    HONESTLY, THE VERY VERY BEST THING YOU COULD POSSIBLY DO FOR HIM AT THAT AGE. IT WILL TEACH HIM RESPECT AND HOW TO FOLLOW ORDERS. IT CAN BE A LIFE SAVER AND REALLY SAVE HIM FROM A BAD LIFESTYLE HE WILL LEAD.
    IT WILL BE HARD TO LET GO, VERY HARD ON YOU. BUT HONESTLY I WOULD SUGGEST THIS ASAP. COUNSELING IS ONLY SO HELPFUL. AND IF HE DOESNT WANT TO COOPERATE THEN HE WONT AND THE COUNSELING IS USELESS......
    sassy_brizzy

    Answer by sassy_brizzy at 12:35 PM on Dec. 8, 2008

  • I hate to say it but I think since you are going to get into counseling just let it go until then if it is really soon. My other suggestion would be tough love, tell him if he leaves with out permission the doors will be locked and home by your set time or door are locked.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:23 PM on Dec. 6, 2008

  • tell him you will turn him over to the state if he doesnt listen
    AmaliaD

    Answer by AmaliaD at 10:18 PM on Dec. 6, 2008

  • First don't give up on your child. Give your son consquences for his actions and make sure you follow through. I would sugest thearpy not only for your son but for the both of you. Maybe taking a parenting class would be supportful. My daughter was in counceling for acting out we learned she was smoking pot, my husband and I started family thearpy, parenting classes. Maybe my daughter did not make any major changes but I have learned some amazing parenting skills. I give her rules she breaks them, I started to stop giving her money, taking her places, buying her stuff, I have learned not to feed into her drama. My daughter is very strong willed and to this day not matter what I do she does what she wants to do
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:23 AM on Dec. 7, 2008

  • In Michigan there is a "Youth Challenge Academy" that has a website, it is strictly voluntary by the child and someone its for at risk kids 14-18? Someone I work with talked his son into going and he will be done in a week (it takes 6 months) It is a boot camp type deal and helps them get a diploma and learn respect. Also maybe something happened in his childhood somewhere that is affecting him now. The right counselor can help. The kids that went to boot camp was molested by a neighbor in 2nd grade and they never knew until he went to "the right" counselor. He had been to many but one got it out of him. This kid had a lot of anger issues. He seems to be doing awesome now.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:49 AM on Dec. 7, 2008

  • My oldest a couple of years ago decided to run away to grandmas house which is about 13 miles from where we live. I let him go. I told him to pay attention to the streets/cars/lights and keep his cell phone on. Well, 30 minutes later I hopped in my car and found him down the street at McDonalds. He followed me home (on his bike). I sat him down and flat out told him that if he ever decided to pull a stunt like this and "run-away", I would have the police pick him up and he could spend the day in JD. He never did it again.
    Now last year, he went through the whold attitude with me/school/his dad etc.... Coming into puberty, not understanding things, unsociable,bad grades that led to summer school etc... I think is somewhat normal. BUT counseling never hurts. Sometimes it is better for someone to talk to a stranger and get it all out then refusing to talk to their parents.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:37 AM on Dec. 7, 2008

  • It sounds like your boy is crying for meaningful attention. He needs someone who is willing to listen to the desires of his heart. Too much parenting is devoted to lecturing on what we want, and we do not take enough time to listen to what our children are saying that they need from us. I would begin by telling him that my love for him is unconditional, and I would like him to know that nothing he could ever do would stop my loving him. Once you have assured him that this is true to the point that he believes it, he might begin to open up to you and tell you what's really on his mind. My children did not have the option of coming and going as they pleased when they were 14. I wouldn't be surprised that the fact that he is does not add to his insecurities. He's not yet ready to handle the pressures on his own.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 10:34 AM on Dec. 7, 2008

  • Ask him to break it down for you. What chores would he rather have than what he's got? What part of the school work is too much for him? What about you gets on his last nerve? The solution could be as simple as making a few changes. First, if you are nagging him then stop. It's not working. Make him set up a chore list of his own that he thinks is fair and make him responsible for his own list. If he writes it then he's agreeing to it so it's not too horrible for him to do. School work? Ask him if there are any subjects that are worse than others for him. Maybe he's not understanding the work. Maybe he has a learning disability and won't face it. Consider homeschooling. It's possible he has a personality disorder that causes him to flee under stress. Ask a trained professional about that. Does he cut himself? Just curious. That is a symptom of one of the personality disorders he could have that many young ppl have.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:33 PM on Dec. 7, 2008

  • A 14 yr. old run away?? I would have to show this kid some tough love. Starting with changing the locks on my house apparently you don't want to live there because you keep leaving, My house does not have a revolving door for non-paying tenants. Is he using or experimented with drugs??? The everyday life can be stressful but not only for a 14 yr.old - because your stressed right now!! He needs to see a Counselor, Dr. someone because this behavior is not normal in no kinda way. I would have to sever all ties until I see that he wants to change and get some help.
    kkgrls

    Answer by kkgrls at 12:29 PM on Dec. 8, 2008