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2 Bumps

What do I choose

Over 30 yrs. ago, I ran away from my hometown to escape abuse. I also ran away from the love of my life. We had been friends since we were in kindergarten. We began dating in junior high school and new we wanted to be together forever. We had been through everything together and he stood by me and supported me through all the abuse I suffered. When I finally moved back to the states, I was informed that he had gotten married and moved on. I was happy for him though I knew my heart still belonged to him. Finally I married and started my own family and we recently moved back to my hometown. The first person I ran into was him. My heart pounded and the smile on his face and the light in his eyes told me everything I needed to know. He was still deeply in love with me. We had coffee together and caught up on each others lives. He looked for me for years and never stopped loving me. He divorced his wife because he couldn't commit to her wholeheartedly. His heart and soul was still with me. He stressed how he prayed everyday and night that God would bring me back to him. I prayed for the same thing but was afraid to face my past. I am very much a stronger woman now and all those fears are behind me. I am not happy with my husband and he knows that I have never given myself to him completely. But I've been married to this man for over 20 yrs and we have a family. My heart wants my soul mate back. But my mind is confused as to what to do. Do I choose true love and complete happiness or do I stay in a marriage full of unhappiness and regret to appease my family?

Answer Question
 
Ms.Ronee

Asked by Ms.Ronee at 2:36 PM on May. 18, 2011 in Relationships

Level 3 (26 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • It shouldn't be one or the other. If you are not happy in your marriage you should leave even if there wasn't another guy involved. You shoudn't have to think that you have to be miserable instead of alone. If you love this other guy than why not go for it? after you're divorced of course.
    Bugzmomma

    Answer by Bugzmomma at 2:41 PM on May. 18, 2011

  • Are you SURE you would be happy with your soul mate? A lot has happened to both of you in 30 years. If you are unhappy, get out. But, don't let it be for the wrong reasons. Get out because you would be better off without him. Get out because you would rather be on your own. Set yourself up as a single person. Get a job, get an apartment, get a life. You need time for yourself before you jump into another reationship. Get to know your "love" once again. Get to know yourself. But give yoursefl time.
    Kimimale

    Answer by Kimimale at 2:47 PM on May. 18, 2011

  • If you woke up everyday and felt that your life is unfulfilled before you reconnected, then look into your true over all happiness. But if you decided on a divorce be prepared for the worst because now there is "another man" and everyone will know it. Can you risk the alienation that may or may not happen? Twenty years is a lifetime of relationships! Remember, you cannot unring a bell.

    ann666

    Answer by ann666 at 2:53 PM on May. 18, 2011

  • You can be happy right where you are. It's always tempting to dream about old loves and what might have been, but there are absolutely no guarantees that things would have been one bit better. To the contrary, things could have been a whole lot worse. Happiness is by and large a choice, and we even have control over what we think about. Just try thinking about your husband the way you are thinking about somebody you haven't seen in 20 years, and see what happens. Feelings follow thoughts, and not the other way around. So pour all your energy into your marriage and family and then sit back and reap the rewards. You've invested 20 years in your husband. There's no way I think you should just throw that away for something that very well will disappoint you like you've never been disappointed. Stick it out, and have a wonderful marriage! It's your choice!
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 2:54 PM on May. 18, 2011

  • This could be a movie
    ChanQ

    Answer by ChanQ at 3:06 PM on May. 18, 2011

  • GO FOR IT!!! Don't be in a marriage if you are not happy - the only person you need permission to do this is YOU!!!!
    PatriciaofMN

    Answer by PatriciaofMN at 3:38 PM on May. 18, 2011

  • Never leave one man for another man because sometimes fantasy isn't all what its cracked up to be when you try AND make it reality.
    20 years with your husband, why not fight to keep it? You claim that you never gave yourself completely to your husband so what were you doing all those years?
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 3:47 PM on May. 18, 2011

  • I would step back and decide where you are going to be happy are you going to move on and still be unhappy ? If you are unhappy you should leave for yourself and if this is a true love it will be able to stand one more year apart while you get yourself together.
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 4:05 PM on May. 18, 2011

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