Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Can you say that you will stop worrying and trying to help your children when they are older?

I have seen alot of posts about mothers of grown children asking for help.... usually their children are being treated badly by the SO ...

Like one I seen a little bit ago, a mother talking about how her son comes to her for help because he doesnt know what to do , his wife is pretty much abusive to him and his children ( 2 of them arent his bio. kids, but he is the one who takes care of them) ... So from what she wrote he is stuck -- he can leave her but he would be leaving those kids, and by the way she wrote it the wife is completly insane and I would imagine that she would do something horrible to those kids or to her husband if she tried to leave...

Anyways, seeing how awful that situation is ( and alot of others on here) and there is a mother who is crying out for help for her child, but yet to told to mind her own business , her son came to her in need ( basically meaning he doesnt know what to do) ...

would YOU really beable to just ignore it and "mind your own business" while your child said they needed your help ?

I mean I am all for a couple and a family working it out themselves... but if one of my kids came to me and told me all of these horrible things their spouse has done and that they are upset becuase they do not know what to do... I could NOT ignore that.... I dont care if I was being "nosey" or intrusive or whatever... I would be stepping in and helping my child and grandchildren !!!

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:16 PM on May. 18, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Answers (14)
  • If my (adult) child really needed real help, of course I'd be there. I have, however, seen how my husband's family stick their big fat noses into their adult children's lives when they have no business being there and how destructive that can be too so I'd like to think that I could step back if the situation warranted it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:21 PM on May. 18, 2011

  • I will always be there to help my kids, even if they are adults.
    RelaxedMom2-3

    Answer by RelaxedMom2-3 at 3:22 PM on May. 18, 2011

  • I will always worry, but will be very careful about mny "help". I have a 32 year old brother who always needs serious "help" of some sort. He has been helped so much that now he is an addict who has never supported himself, lived on his own, or held a job. He needs more and more expensive help as the years go on.

    It can be a bad cycle.

    For a responsible child, yes, in that one time or two times in his/her life that serious help is needed, I will be there. If it is a pattern, they are on their own until they hit bottom and are willing to do something about it.
    ImaginationMama

    Answer by ImaginationMama at 3:26 PM on May. 18, 2011

  • I am not saying I would be a mom that is there all of the time -- because I have lived that life lol ... I remember growing up with my grandma ( dads mom ) doing it to my mom and it driving her crazy... and now I have a mother in law who literally pushed her way in on our daughters birth lol..

    But it made me mad because the mom that I am talking about explained that her son came crying to her ( when it was very UNnormal for him to do that ) and saying he didnt know what to do... and then a ton of people were arguing with her because it was "none of her buisness"
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:35 PM on May. 18, 2011

  • If an adult son confides in his mother, she may give him advice and offer some help, Ultimately, that adult son needs to take steps to better the situation. He should go to a counselor to work out the plan. I don't have much respect for a grown man going to his mother much more than that.
    happi-ladi

    Answer by happi-ladi at 3:37 PM on May. 18, 2011

  • I am a mother with 2 of my kids out of the home and considered adults and no I dont mind my own business, and yes I help them when they call, and I still do whatever I can do make them comfortable. Being a mom doesnt end when they turn 18, its a life long gig. No matter how old they get you look at them and see your baby. I have seen and been given alot of advice on making my kids stand on their own two feet and I suspect some of that advice comes from moms here whose kids are still in diapers. It is far different once they are "grown" and still need you though. It is a real balancing act in doing what is best for them and allowing them to learn life lessons. My kids know though regardless they will ALWAYS have a home and can come home anytime.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 3:41 PM on May. 18, 2011

  • i wont be able to help it - i will FOREVER want to protect my son. there is really nothing the gma can do in that situation other than be a snitch - offer to baby sit - document neglect - build the case against her... then when it is time tell ds - go time... we are selling her up the river - you asked for help and this is best for you - hopefully we can take her kids and get restraining orders against her ever seeing you guys again - i certainly woudl do all of that and more...
    AmaliaD

    Answer by AmaliaD at 3:46 PM on May. 18, 2011

  • yes I would always help my children even when they grow up.
    MizzMejia

    Answer by MizzMejia at 3:52 PM on May. 18, 2011

  • I will always worry, and help my kids when they need me. Parenting is a lifelong committment!
    JoLee12345

    Answer by JoLee12345 at 3:56 PM on May. 18, 2011

  • I dont think I will ever stop worrying about my kids and if they need my help, I will be there for them. They are all grown up with families and they are doing very well, but I would still be there for them.And now I have grandchildren---6 more to worry about! :-)
    minnesotanice

    Answer by minnesotanice at 3:58 PM on May. 18, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.