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2 Bumps

S.D lying to gain attention again...

Yes, this isn't the first time and even her dad has said with her recent stunt, "she's probably not getting enough attention for her bday. She's 19 and has a bad habit of lying to get attention, whether it's a full blown fabrication, or teasing the facts. We've both called her out on her behavior numerous times as she was growing up, but nothing every seemed to work curbing her lying. We took her to counseling when she was younger and all she did was lie to the counselor. And constantly throughout her teen years she would lie to her dad about me, things I've said or done...for example when she got a job, it was a 1 mile from the home and she didn't have a car...so, I'd take her to work. However, there were a few occasions where I couldn't...I still have 2 other kid's to cart around. On this occasion I told her I would back at 930am to take her to work...At 845am she calls her dad and tells him that I wouldn't take her to work and she had to walk. She made it into a big deal. Example 2, during the summer she had a new job...I asked her if she needed a ride to work, she said yes, at 2pm...at 11am as I'm getting out of the shower, I just finished yard work, she's starts yelling at me, telling me she's going to be late for work and she told me 11, not 2pm...When I took her to work, I told her that was bs and she was responsible knowing the correct time to be at work.... Later that evening we were having friends over, her dad went & picked her up from work told her that her behavior was unacceptable. A hour after she got home she called her mom & said that me and her dad were being mean to her and that I wouldn't even look at her.

Her latest one has me confused and slightly p.offed. We invited a bunch of friends & family over for Easter dinner. I was busy cooking and literally only had minutes to talk to people until I was done cooking. While I was cooking my nephew (who is gay) come up in the kitchen and asks me about my s.d. new girlfriend/partner "so what do you think of her?" I replied, "I think she's great, she seems to have a good head on her shoulders!" Then he asks what do I think about my daughter getting married to her? I reply, "I think it's great that she's finally happy, she seems good for her." Then he asks, "what do think about them having a baby?" (Now what I'm about to say, I've said to my daughter, along with her father) I reply, "I think she's too young (just turned 19 this month), we'd like to see them wait until they can get a place of their own and have they finances in order....but we are happy for them (they are living with my s.d. mother). Then my nephew asks, "what do you think about her being gay?" (Again, this what both me and her father have to our daughter) Who cares, she's happy! I can't say that we weren't surprised, but we are happy if they are. Now, to let you in on the "surprised" part of that last sentence. She told us she was bi when she was 15, but never dated a girl...in fact we had to put a lock on her window, because she was sneaking out to meet older men. Her dad almost put one of those adult men in jail, until he saw the texts she was sending him.
Anyways that was the whole of the conversation and my m.i.l. was sitting at the kitchen table. A week goes by and my s.d. girlfriend says they want to come by for dinner. My husband ends up canceling dinner, because he just got into town & is tired. But as far as we know, nothing is going on we are all still friends & happy. A week later goes by & my s.d. receives multiple texts from a friend on my husbands phone...So, I let my s.d. know about it on her facebook, no big deal, done it before...my s.d reply's & says ok, thanks I got the number. Next thing I know her mom is blowing up on me on the facebook post! Confused, I call my husband and in turn he calls my s.d. and asks what's up? My s.d told him that I told her cousin (my nephew) that I hated her g.f., that they shouldn't get married, they shouldn't have kid's and that's why she left early on Easter. Her dad told her to knock of the b.s. and told her we wouldn't of gave your g.f. our permission to marry you if we didn't. Well, my s.d. called up her cousin, told him I was interfering & have now turned her dad against her. Next thing I know her cousin is on my facebook calling me a "gay" hater & to mind my own business. So, now my s.d. won't answer the phone when her dad calls, only texts...she won't even come over. Her dad tried calling her gf & talking to her her, but she won't talk to him. And through all of this she has never asked me what I said, or if I've said it, haven't heard a peep from her. Really, what can we do? This isn't the first time & I know it wont be the last. Both her dad and grandma says, "just wait, it will be awhile, but she'll show up at the front door and act like nothing ever happened!" Advice please....

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CJ503

Asked by CJ503 at 3:47 PM on May. 18, 2011 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 2 (6 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • Has she been checked out for bipolor disorder? And if i were you, don't play into it. Don't respond, don't allow drama queens to get into your head.
    CoiaCuppcake

    Answer by CoiaCuppcake at 9:38 PM on May. 18, 2011

  • I would ignore her and she wouldn't come back in my front door until she apologized to me and her father-big time. Refuse to let her, her cousin or her girlfriend contact you or draw you into this shit. She will grow up, leave her out of your lives till she does.
    MamaAlice54

    Answer by MamaAlice54 at 3:23 AM on May. 21, 2011

  • Sounds like you all need a time out. I'd send her a text that says all that was a lie and she could come back to the house when she was ready to apologize. It might be hard but wait her ut. As a mom and step mom you don't need that kind of crap in your lives anyway.
    itsmesteph11

    Answer by itsmesteph11 at 2:38 PM on May. 22, 2011

  • I agree with the advice not to feed into this. Everytime you contact other people to sort things out, or go around defending yourself, she is getting the attention she wants. When she gets all up in arms over something that did or did not happen, I would simply tell her if she wants to discuss it with you directly then she is welcome to call or come over, otherwise she is basing her information on hearsay and not the facts from the source. Then just let her do what she wants. If she wants to spread all over town that you all hate her then let her. Chances are people know she isn't always truthful so I doubt your good name will be tarnished anyway. If she realizes that her lies are not getting a response from you she'll eventually give it up. Stop keeping score, stop feeding into it, and just take solace in the fact that you know the truth about what you have said and done and sometimes that has to be enough. Good luck.
    MaryMW

    Answer by MaryMW at 12:48 PM on May. 25, 2011

  • she sounds like she needs some meds. if i were you and your husband i would ignore it, obviously she continues to lie about everything why get worked up on it. and if i were you i would confront that nephew of yours who instigated this mess.
    lucky35

    Answer by lucky35 at 2:59 PM on May. 25, 2011

  • Since this has been going on for a while now, I would just let sleeping dogs lay. Anything you do is feeding into her need for drama. I have a son who does the same thing. I know it’s easy to get all caught up in the drama and then not realize that you are caught up in it until your knee deep in it. These kids do know how to push our buttons and before you realize it we are in their tangled webs.
    Take a step back and just let things go for a while. Be on your guard for future traps, and let her know this is how you have to be now because she is so immature. That you sure wish things were different, but that’s just how you will be until she is done playing games. Let her know, you know she needs help and when she is ready you will support her, as long as she is helping herself, you will help her.
    God Bless
    Carolee1

    Answer by Carolee1 at 1:32 PM on May. 27, 2011

  • Thank you guys. We still haven't heard from her... about a week ago my step son stopped in to pick up his badge for work and when he came in he was upset. We asked him what was wrong and he said his sister was debating on weather or not to come in and say hi....her brother said, "you should...they didn't do anything to you!" Apparently, both his sister and his ma blew up on him saying, "you don't her, you don't know whats going on...blah, blah, blah" Then my ss goes on to say he's so tired of the drama and hates being around liars! I feel for him...its his sister and they were close....now the only time they are close is when they are covering for each other...the same with my husband, it's his daughter, it's our daughter...we want to see our daughter, but we don't need the stress. I think you guys are right, she needs help, needs to grow up and we def don't need the drama!
    CJ503

    Comment by CJ503 (original poster) at 2:30 PM on Jun. 2, 2011

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