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How to make the transition from beinga single mom to a married woman?

I've always been a single mom, my son is three. I am now in a serious relationship with a wonderful man and it seems that my son starts acting up when he's around. My son is used to it just being us and I get that. There are times when I even feel smothered or that I am ignoring my son cause my boyfriend is there (he says I don't, but that's how I feel). How can I make it easier for all of us to get used to him being around? Also, when we do get married he will be adopting my son as my ex is not involved in our lives. So he will be his dad.

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SaraP1989

Asked by SaraP1989 at 4:46 PM on May. 18, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 14 (1,621 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • Well, sit down and talk to your son (if he's good at communication). Tell him that your bf isn't trying to take you away from him, and that you love him.Make sure to set aside time for both of them (time with bf after DS goes to sleep). It's SO hard to get used to being in a relationship where everything is shared from a single mom's perspective. It'll take time. Your son has to get used to him. Maybe let them have some "daddy" son time. That could help show your son that he's not an "evil" guy who wants to take you away.
    GothicChk52

    Answer by GothicChk52 at 4:53 PM on May. 18, 2011

  • When I was a single mom and was dating my now DF, now 4 days away from being my DH, I did not bring my child around until my DF started to ask about him and wanted to see him. When they first officially met we went out to chuck e cheese and just had blast and little by little my DF and DS were seeing each other and spending time together. It got to the point when DS called him dad and my DF loves him as his won. You just have to give your child time and try to include him when you are going out, do things for your child. Take him out to the park or any place all of you together. Don't ignore your child( bf including) because he is going to feel left out and get jealous of you bf. Have your bf watch him, if you trust him, for a short amount of time that way they can get use to each other.
    booger14

    Answer by booger14 at 4:53 PM on May. 18, 2011

  • Its always hard blending a family. Your lucky your son is young though. Right now all he sees is someone else coming around and taking his moms attention, and face it he is probably used to being your everything. He is probably thinking who does this guy think he is? You need to make sure you give him even more attention when you can and let him know even though you are going to be with this man forever he is still your #1. I told my kids no matter what they would always be my first true loves because no one can ever replace them.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 4:56 PM on May. 18, 2011

  • Just don't rush it. I met my SO when my son was 3 1/2 and I took things very slowly. He is 6 now and I have another child with my SO and I talk to my son a lot and make sure his needs are met and make sure he knows he is still number 1 right along with his brother. I told him he dont have to call him dad but he can if he wants to and i am certain to include him when we are snuggling on the couch or whatever. I dont want to push him away for my guy, after he goes to bed we have "our" time. I also try to have time for just me and my son. Good luck.
    JenzAmomOf2

    Answer by JenzAmomOf2 at 4:56 PM on May. 18, 2011

  • I agree with most suggestions you have to talk with him about it and take it slow but one thing that absolutely has to happen is that your son needs to know that you love him but that you and your soon to be DH are the parents and you have to teach him to respect both of you. I know he is young but he will soon learn how to "manipulate" you so that he gets "all the attention" My SD was 5 when we got together and the biggest mistake that DH made was feed into her tantrums and such and not treat the situation as us being the adults and she was soon running the show and it cause great deal of problems for all of us.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:04 PM on May. 18, 2011

  • give them tiem to adjust
    mamak57

    Answer by mamak57 at 7:14 PM on May. 19, 2011

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