Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

1 Bump

Too independent?

My DD 5 is soooo independent....which is good I have tried to raise her to be...i ws always soo shy i wouldn't even order a pizaa until I was 17...so I let her do alot...I let her clean her own bathroom...no chemicals...I let her order her own food when we eat out..I let her help with her brothers when she wants to..but now it's starting to bite me in the butt...now she thinks she gets to do whatever she wants and throws the biggest fit when I tell her no...I dont know how to get her to realise I am the adult and she does have to listen to me.

Answer Question
 
happymama02

Asked by happymama02 at 5:15 PM on May. 18, 2011 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Level 16 (3,162 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • I've always told mine that I'm in charge. And I have no problem reminding them of that on a regular basis.
    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 6:26 PM on May. 18, 2011

  • My kids are super independent and encouraged to be so but they know, in the end, I'm in charge and if they want to butt heads with me than they lose independence (don't get to make choices for themselves, get grounded to their rooms, etc). It's a checks and balances system.
    justanotherjen

    Answer by justanotherjen at 7:16 PM on May. 18, 2011

  • I'd try having a heart to heart with her. Let her know how proud you are of her and also that there will be times she simply can't do something. It generally works with my 6 yr old.
    12mommy3

    Answer by 12mommy3 at 10:38 PM on May. 18, 2011

  • Of course all kids are different, but I have found success in 1-2-3 Magic... it's a book series that stresses taking back control of your house without fighting and arguing. Basically, take the explanations out of things, we can't reason with children like we do with adults, and we tend to try too often. I speak from experience. My dd is now 7 and for the first 6 years I felt like I needed to explain everything to her and get her to understand the "why's". Finally, I have learned that she doesn't hear me, doesn't really care what I have to say, and basically just wants what she wants when she wants it. Now, when an argument or attitude surfaces, I say, "that's 1"... she knows that's a warning... if she continues, I say, "that's 2".... If I get to "That's 3" she has to "take 5". That means she goes to her room for 5-10 minutes to chill out. Usually she forgets the issue by the time it's over.
    mlivlee

    Answer by mlivlee at 12:54 AM on May. 19, 2011

  • I Do count to 3 and i do send her to her room...but it doesnt seem to help any...she comes out and statrs all over again....mommy can i go on the computer..i tell her no she throws a fit...starts screaming and throwing things,tells me she hates me and she wants to live with her dad...i usually hand her the phone when she says that 1...I just dont know how to handle her anymore...it's to where she would be in her room all day at this point....I've tried spanking,but that does nothing...I want to get this under control now while she is little...my sister had the same problem when she was little and shes 13 and even worse....I dont want that...I dont want to not like my child...I will always love her of course,but I'm just afraid I'm getting to the point that it's so bad I dont want to even be around her...that's hard as a parent to say that and addmit that to people.
    happymama02

    Comment by happymama02 (original poster) at 8:41 AM on May. 19, 2011

  • tell her as much as you're that loves to help mommy somethings mom just have to do without her help.and tell that just as soon as she is older than she will be able to help mommy more
    MADUKES402

    Answer by MADUKES402 at 11:49 AM on May. 20, 2011

  • Maybe make a chart with different privledges that she's normally allowed on it. Then, get some "X" magnets, and every time she yells at you, X off one priveledge she can't have that day... The visual of what she's losing might help!
    DDDaysh

    Answer by DDDaysh at 5:11 PM on May. 20, 2011

  • i did the same with my dd but she knows the limit i am mom and that is that she is very independant and when im not around she tries to run stuff like my hubby took dd and ss to dinner all u can eat chineese food while making there plates she says to her brother and dad umm i dont see any veggies on your plates another customer says to hubby while laughing well we know whos in charge. but hey she knows what i would say if i had been there they got there veggies best believe that just stand your ground and let her know whos boss
    rinamomof2

    Answer by rinamomof2 at 6:58 PM on May. 21, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Cafemom Join now to connect to other members! Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN