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4 Bumps

Should I call it a lost freindship?

I've been friends with this woman for about 10 yrs. we have been through out ups and downs and we even went periods of not talking to eachother...she is married and her and her husband are going through a rough patch...I'm finally happy for probably the first time since she has known me at least as far as my relationship goes..i spent 5 yrs. with a man who treated me like garbage and she knows that...but I feel guilty for sharing any happy thing with her...like I cant be happy in her eyes because she's not..she flipped on me the other day saying all I talk about is my SO...not true...she talk about herself as well...I go to her for everything and of course my realationship isnt all sunchine and rainbows...but when I go to her with a problem her first reaction...get rid of him...umm...no...I'm to the point that I'm ready to stop talking to her...she lef her husband for stupid reasons and I told her to go back..she wanted me to leave my SO's house with my kids and stay in a motel room with her and when i refused she finally went back home...her and I are just soo diff. and i think it's finally catching up with us...she was a slut and I wasnt....she liked to party I didnt...she is VERY in your face..I'm not...she's 25 and acts and dresses like she is 16..I've always been a bit mature for my age...I hate to end the friendship but I cant see what she offers me with her friendship anymore other than someone to talk too but then i get bad advise. what would you do?

Answer Question
 
happymama02

Asked by happymama02 at 5:43 PM on May. 18, 2011 in Relationships

Level 16 (3,162 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • Sometimes friendships aren't meant to last forever. There are some friends that fill a need in your life for a time and once that need no longer exists, neither does the friendship. It sounds like you and she are in very different places in your lives and have very different ideas on what you want and what you expect, out of life and each other. In my opinion, you have 2 options: (1) completely end the friendship, or (2) back off the friendship and make it more superficial - commenting on FB, the occasional phone chat about the weather and what's going on in town, stuff like that.

    Which option you go with depends on how fed up you are and if you really want to keep her in your life.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 5:53 PM on May. 18, 2011

  • I want to just cut it and walk away,but I dont know how to...i dont want to hurt her feelings,but yes we are diff. places in our lives and I feel I'm her friend..supporting her and giving her valuable advise and she is the one too much in her sorrows to listen and give me much advise...I want an equal friendship not a 1 sided 1
    happymama02

    Comment by happymama02 (original poster) at 5:57 PM on May. 18, 2011

  • omg! i have been there! after 16 yrs of freindship, i had to end it, i found out that this woman who i considered a sister, that she was not only talkin bout me behind my back, bt what she said where lies. she was the slut she put 2 men into brankrupcy, she is frauding the government, me...im living n being a good person n like you finally got a good man after 6 yrs of being in the same relationship like u. i tried loosing her before, but guilt would bring me back, i am no longer guilty n i really do feel free. she treated me badly, n i saw it but thought i needed her since we wer always there for eachother, Really block her emails and phone numbers, and facebook, whatever u ned to do to not have contact with her, for you, and you will be free and feel happyier and can enjoy ur happiness that u are having w ur new relationship. i dont have any friends that i talk to much and none that i hang with, and im sad yes,

    Susannah19

    Answer by Susannah19 at 5:59 PM on May. 18, 2011

  • Well, there's 3 ways to end it: (1) flat out tell her why you don't want to be friends anymore, not to contact you anymore and block her email and phone number so she can't, (2) end the friendship just as suddenly, but without an explanaation, or (3) slowly back off the friendship until it just naturally falls apart - take longer to reply to emails, don't pick up when she calls and wait a while to return her call, be busy sometimes when she wants to get together and have it happen more and more frequently. Personally, I'd probably try to go with 3, because it's the nicest way to do it, but if she's persistent, it can also take a long time and eventually could lead to 1 or 2 anyway.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 6:03 PM on May. 18, 2011

  • Relationships end for a variety of reasons. Its time for this one to end.
    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 6:21 PM on May. 18, 2011

  • Been there done that. I ended a friendship. I just got a visit from her and her man cuz my hubby was childhood friends with her husband but she came to give her condolences because my father passed away. I did not feel anything. I did not miss her at all. SHe was so controlling and used me to go to my summer house in Fl. I am so glad it is over . You need breathing space. It will make you feel so much helathier. I know it did for me..
    geminilove7

    Answer by geminilove7 at 9:56 PM on May. 18, 2011

  • I'm going through this as we speak. I've been friends w/this woman since the first grade and I'm 32 now. She's my opposite..drama, slutty, attention-whore-kind of person. Always jumping from one man to another and will be having her 5th child w/yet a different man. When she gets into a relationship she conforms to his expectations. She says things to me like "..he thinks you're a bad influence" as if we're 5. I'm at a loss because once she has a new man, all my business is suddenly their business and she has a lot of growing up to do. And I wonder what she's telling them to make me look that way. I don't respond to her texts or phone calls anymore. Life is too short and I have this wonderful life with my little family that gives me everything I need. Friends are far and few between. 

    805doll

    Answer by 805doll at 10:42 PM on May. 18, 2011

  • Yeah it's just hard because she is my only friend...but she's not even good at that...so i think I'll slowly end it...maybe she will get the hint...I hope.
    happymama02

    Comment by happymama02 (original poster) at 8:45 AM on May. 19, 2011

  • SWEETY BE FREINDS AND LOVE HER FROM A DISTANCE.STOP GOING TO HER WITH YOUR ISSUES.HOW CAN SHE GIVE YOU HONEST ADVICE IF SHE DON'T EVEN HAVE HER SELF TOGETHER
    MADUKES402

    Answer by MADUKES402 at 1:16 PM on May. 19, 2011

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