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Help!! My 2 yr old is driving me nuts!!

My oldest son is 26 months. He is constantly testing my husband and I. He hits his younger brother who's 9 mths old, pushes the baby, kicks him, he also hits us, and other family members, throws toys, slams doors, talks back to us, and runs around the house like a crazy little child. Yes, we have tried time outs and spanking. I think this is contributing to our problem... I.E. all the aggression we are seeing out of him. What else can I try?? Please help...

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Asked by RCape at 9:43 PM on May. 18, 2011 in Toddlers (1-2)

Level 6 (136 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • Is this normal behavior for a 2 yr old?

    Comment by RCape (original poster) at 10:31 PM on May. 18, 2011

  • yes, it's normal behavior. sorry to tell ya. we're in the same boat with our dd who's turning 3 next month. unfortunately, it's something she's had to somewhat grow out of. what helped us most at that age was locking her in her room. she got 3 chances,..1 a warning w/distraction (kenzie stop touching the blinds..lets read a story)..2 a warning with consequence told (kenzie stop touching the blinds or you're going to you're room)..3 put in room (kenzie, you're going to your room bc you kept touching the blinds). good luck momma, we all need it at this stage! just stay consistent. our biggest thing now is the occasional fit (which we take the ipad priveledge away..she loves to play her learning games on it) and not picking up toys (she gets threatened for them to get thrown away if she doesn't get them picked up..and it works)

    Answer by mom_to_kenzie at 11:14 PM on May. 18, 2011

  • I lock him in his room too.. I like your 3 step technique. I use the 1, 2, 3 technique when I tell him to do something and he refuses.... first I ask him nicely. If he refuses, I ask him again and tell him if he doesn't then I am going to count to 3 and on 3 he is going to his room. If he still doesn't do it I start to count... 1... 2... usually by then he does whatever it was I needed him to do.

    My main problem is really the way he hits, throws and acts out. I just don't feel right giving him 3 chances to hit his brother.. I usually lose it when he does something really bad.

    The other day he kicked his brother in the head with his shoes on! My husband lost it on him. I felt so bad for my older son that I comforted him.. Idk if I was right, if my husband was right or what. The other day, my son ripped 2 keys off our laptop. I screamed, smacked him and put him in his room. I don't want to hit him or scream at him anymore.

    Comment by RCape (original poster) at 11:44 PM on May. 18, 2011

  • Yes, it's normal 2 year old, and boy, behavior.

    The 2's is all about independence. They've realized that there is a big world out there that has nothing to do with Mom/Dad. They want to explore it. When my kids started getting really defiant and ornery at this age we started giving them choices.

    It's cold out, you HAVE to wear a sweatshirt. Do you want the green one or the orange one?
    You NEED a shirt on. Do you want to wear the red one or the blue one?

    They also NEED, desperately need, consistency and predictability.

    If I hit/kick/push my brother, I'm going to be moved somewhere else where I can't reach him.
    If I kick Mommy, I get sent to my room.
    If I throw a toy, the TOY gets placed into time out.

    Stuff like that. I've got other ideas but I'm so tired right now I can't think of them.

    Answer by Rosehawk at 11:46 PM on May. 18, 2011

  • Be consistant. The three chances are a good idea. ALSO....reward him when he is good. I personally don't think that a swat on the butt is wrong... nothing that leaves a mark..but when you really need to get your point across because of someone's safety. He maybe jealous of his brother and getting attention. Have him help more with the baby....point out what a big boy he much you need his help with his little brother....and what a good big brother he is. Talk to him how he was at the same age. How much they are alike or different. Kids always love to hear how they were at a younger age. NEVER tell him he is bad...naughty yes, bad no..... Every morning I would greet my kids with "You are my good boy/girl. I am so proud of you for being such a good boy/girl." Kids become what you say they are. When he hurts someone, ask him how he would feel if that happened to him. Always good to teach empathy! Good Luck!!!

    Answer by PsychicSherry at 11:48 PM on May. 18, 2011

  • OH! something else that might help (just read your comment): Be his voice. He may be hitting, kicking, biting and acting out out of frustration. My daughter was this way, still is at 4.

    Watch him while he's playing with his toys, with and without his brother around. If you see him starting to look frustrated with something speak up FOR him: I'm MAD that this square peg won't fit into the round hole!!!!! Or whatever he's getting frustrated about. If his brother takes a toy away from him: HEY! That's MY toy, I was playing with that! and give the toy back to the older child.

    These little (frustrating) angels are feeling all these emotions that they've never felt before. They don't know what's going on in their bodies and don't have the words to express what they're feeling.......until you help them.

    Answer by Rosehawk at 11:53 PM on May. 18, 2011

  • @ Rosehawk, I like your suggestions. I never thought of putting the "toy" in time out... I think you are right. He needs a voice. I try not to grab from him but I know I have when he takes things from his brother. I feel like I am teaching him all these bad behaviors and it's all my fault... well, mine and my husbands. You seem very knowledgable on toddlers, I hope to gain more advice from you.

    @PSherry, I was thinking about a reward system too. Do you think he is old enough to try a reward chart with? You know... stickers for good behavior. A reward after so many stickers... He still seems like my baby to me. I'm not sure of what he can mentally grasp... And, I do really try to get him to help with the baby. It's kind of odd... sometimes, I will be playing with my older son and for no reason he will get up and go push the baby down or take the toy he is playing with or just randomly go hit him.

    I guess he is just 2...

    Comment by RCape (original poster) at 12:03 AM on May. 19, 2011

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