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Have you had a change in religion since you married and husband didnt?

My husband is a christian and I never really knew how to be a christian but started going to church with hubby and tried but I cant believe like him. I dont believe there is a heaven or hell, and I dont think Jesus is coming back. I am more like a Pantheist. I havent told him yet but I plan on it just a little worried what he will say. Has anyone been through this?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:25 PM on May. 18, 2011 in Religion & Beliefs

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Answers (9)
  • I know this probably does not help but I am a Catholic. Let me rephrase that--I was brought up Catholic. My fiance is a non-orthodox Jew. We discuss scripture together almost everyday if we can. And neither of us want either of us to change. I fell in love with him the way his he is and he fell in love with me the way I am. Complicated--sometimes, but you have to agree to disagree. And have open communication. As long as you both can respect each others beliefs and are not trying to change each other you'll get through it. There is nothing wrong with reading about things or learning about things and the more I learn about his religion, the less I think of mine. But I'm not changing for him. I'm changing for me. And I am very stubborn, he will be the first to tell you that. I don't change for anyone. :) Honesty and communication. They are a must.
    infmansgirl

    Answer by infmansgirl at 10:38 PM on May. 18, 2011

  • I have been Pagan since before we met, but I wasn't actively practicing when we got together. My DH is a Christian, and has never been "active" but has always been firm in his beliefs. We have always simply been open and honest with each other and talked things out when it comes to that... If your husband loves you, he loves you regardless of your beliefs. It may be a bit of a shock if he thinks you share his beliefs, but with time and honesty, he'll come around.
    SabrinaMBowen

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 10:48 PM on May. 18, 2011

  • Yes, and it has not gone well. My husband was raised Catholic. I was raised in a lukewarm Methodist environment (went to church, we were not religious at all at home). After we married, I got us going to a Methodist church after a while. He really did not seem that interested in attending at first, but then sort of got into it. In the meantime, I was still searching for what my religion really way, and eventually discovered I'm really Pagan. He has had a really HARD time with me reading my "Feminist Goddess books".. but a month ago I wrote him an email and really just laid it all there, what I believe, etc. and lately he's been a little bit better... at least not giving me hard time. I also came out on FB to all my friends.. some of whom go to our church (I'm still going and supporting my son, who is active there).. I don't care anymore who knows I'm Pagan. That is WHAT I AM. Good luck.
    FemRising

    Answer by FemRising at 4:40 PM on May. 19, 2011

  • I haven't really had that experience with my husband, though I do have family and friends who do not know my religious beliefs. Some do know and some don't, but living in a very conservative area of the country I am often cautious about who I discuss religion with here. People tend to assume you are the same as them otherwise, and while many people are curious rather than hostile, you never know what reaction you're going to get. My husband and I are actually both Pantheists, but he is more of a Taoist while I am more of a Buddhist. We were both raised Christian (have many Christian relative and friends), but he was brought up in a more conservative church than I was. My church was more moderate or mainline. I would hope that your husband would be understanding and supportive of your beliefs. I guess you can approach the topic slowly if you want to get a feel for his response. Good luck!
    pam19

    Answer by pam19 at 5:25 PM on May. 19, 2011

  • I'm very glad that my husband and I have grown together. Granted, we both believe that spirituality is highly personal and would encourage one another regardless of where our paths take us, so believing or growing the "same" isn't something that we care about. It's just something that has happened, which makes sense, because we think so much alike and have so much in common and all that (we've known each other and been best friends (and in love, lol) since 6th grade, so we're very close and have grown together in many ways throughout almost our whole lives). I say I'm glad just because it's nice to be able to grow with him, even though if he decided his path was going another way I'd be alright with that, too, and support him completely... Though I do reject more of traditional belief than my husband does.... But neither of us believes in hell, or in the second coming or anything like that.
    bandgeek521

    Answer by bandgeek521 at 8:49 AM on May. 19, 2011

  • I think we both did but in different ways. I finally accepted my true path [pagan witch] and I think he is still searching for his. I tried for too many years to fit into the Christian mold but it just never worked for me. I was a good little Southern girl and went to church and said all the right things but never FELT it inside. I finally got tired of all the pretending and empty feelings and went in search of my path. FOUND IT! I still have my faith in God but now it's on my terms not some terms man came up with 1000s of years ago.

    Hubby on the other hand, I believe he believes in God, but is very angry with God right now because of the last several years.
    SpiritedWitch

    Answer by SpiritedWitch at 9:32 AM on May. 19, 2011

  • My dh and I were never really on the same page spiritually anyhow, but we've never been bothered by that. Dh is what we jokingly call an 'apatheist'- he doesn't believe in God, but doesn't like to be called an 'atheist' because he thinks that implies that he has some sort of anti-religious agenda. In his words, "I don't believe in God, I never even think about it, and I really don't care." At the time that we got married, I was trying hard to fit into liberal Christianity without really feeling that it was right for me... we've been married for twelve years and I have practiced Buddhism for the last five. It's been a non-issue because neither of us is seeking to change the other's views and we both agree on how we would like to raise the kids.
    Freela

    Answer by Freela at 12:06 PM on May. 19, 2011

  • Yes. I told him that he likes it when I support him, and have been, so why would I deserve less. KWIM?
    2tinyhineys

    Answer by 2tinyhineys at 1:21 PM on May. 19, 2011

  • Nope I am still the same. If he didnt like my religion he should have said something before we were married.
    LizzieAnnesMom

    Answer by LizzieAnnesMom at 1:30 AM on May. 20, 2011

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