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Who is right here ?

A couple weeks ago I made a post talking about this, but now my husband has switched sides and making me feel like a horrible person... I just want to know who is really right ?

My inlaws are older, nice people... I really love my MIl and FIL. My husband has 3 older siblings, they are all druggies and drunks, and MIL and FIl have raised his brothers kids.

One of them is my age ( 23) and the others are younger.

There was a time when my husband tried to take the 23 y/o "under his wing" and tried to get him to live the right kind of life....he even stayed with us alot of times... The last time he stayed with us we could tell he was taking some kind of drug ( he would keep going to the bathroom, and shortly after he would act funny and would look a mess) .... we both said at that time he would never be back in our house.

FIL constantly complains about him, he causes trouble FIL SEEN him selling drugs in their driveway and he always has people coming to the house looking for him to beat him up, and he has stolen tons and tons of money from them and FIL has suffered several health problems due to the stress that he is causing. MIL takes up for him and wont kick him out because she says he has no where to go.

2 weeks ago my husband was there with our kids out in the yard... he SEEN him basically do a drug deal right in front of them ( the car pulled up he gave the driver something, the driver handed him something and then drove off) ....

I told my husband that was it and we would NOT go back there until he is kicked out of the house... his mom and dad could come here or we could meet at places ( like parks or restraunts) but we would no go back....They have all said that they know the house is being watched by the police, how could we even risk being there and how could MIl be so blind to risk losing the younger grandkids... My husband was on my side and said he told her we were not coming down until he was completely moved out. We figured this would also help FIL by giving her the nudge to do so.

Today my husband said something about " when we go there next weekend" ... I said " did she kick him out yet" and he said " no, he is being good now, he has even been cleaning the house and hasnt been going anywhere" ...

i cannot believe my husband is so dumb.... MIL is probably saying that so we would come down and also.... it has been less than 2 weeks... a drug addict doesnt recover just like that... not to mention the other day MIL told my husband ( on the phone) that he had been gone all day with this one kid that has been to jail several times for drugs....

I told my husband not to be surprised when we dont go next weekend... or even that he can go but me and the kids will not go, I even offered to make a big dinner for them to come here... but he is throwing a fit now....

Now am I the one in the wrong here or is he ?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 11:00 PM on May. 18, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Answers (17)
  • Your husband and his entire family need help. An intervention would be wise. I would not take my kids their either. Stand your ground.

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 11:04 PM on May. 18, 2011

  • I also want to add... I do love them very much and it makes me very sad to not see them ( even though like i said, they can come here whenever) ... but I just dont understand how they can all be mad at me... THEY are the ones who told me about him selling drugs from there and that the cops are watching the house.... How cant they expect me to risk my children ?

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:05 PM on May. 18, 2011

  • Find an Alanon meeting and go to it with your MIL and FIL. It will help all of you through this. Hang in there. You are not wrong. Addiction hurts those around us. I would also recommend an intervention for your addicted loved one..... Best of Luck....

    Answer by LeJane at 11:13 PM on May. 18, 2011

  • STAND your ground tell him if he wants to go fine you and the kids wont be do not let your children be there you are endangering your children what if he makes the wrong person mad and they do a drive by? would you rather piss off you husband or attend your child's funeral?

    sorry I'm being so harsh but I'd bet that he'll change his tune if you put it to him that way 

    or ask him who's gonna raise our kid's when we are both in jail because of a bust and they seize all property where are your parents going to live when the cops confiscate their home cars and everything else because it's a known drug selling residence?


    Answer by traren at 11:13 PM on May. 18, 2011

  • I remember your post about this...
    Personally, I would not go, especially if the house is being watched. I think your family needs some outside help to deal with the mess your MIL and FIL are living in

    Answer by Nicoles2LilRams at 7:22 AM on May. 19, 2011

  • I remember your post about this...
    Personally, I would not go, especially if the house is being watched. I think your family needs some outside help to deal with the mess your MIL and FIL are living in

    Answer by Nicoles2LilRams at 7:23 AM on May. 19, 2011

  • You're right. I wouldn't go either and wouldn't let the kids go. I'd rather DH be mad at me that lose my kids because I went to jail.

    Answer by kasey22 at 9:21 AM on May. 19, 2011

  • I remember your previous post. I think you are right and if it were me I would not allow my children to be at inlaws house while bil is still living there. If bil is doing drugs, selling drugs mil and fil are not doing him any favors by 'ignoring' it and basically allowing him to get away with it ... especially if the police are aware of him and keeping an eye on him/the house. IF the police raid the house, mil and fil could be in big trouble-- especially if the police find drugs in the house. I would def. tell husband that until bil and drugs are out of the house, the kids won't be over. If they really want to see the kids, they can come visit you, or meet at a neutral spot. I hope your husband will wake up and see that he needs to put his kids safety and well-being first. Good luck!!

    Answer by MizLee at 9:57 AM on May. 19, 2011

  • You have too much to lose as well as if your kids see this going on, no one doing anything about it, they will think it is ok to do. SOOOO many reasons you are right. If he is selling drugs...there could be a drive by shooting while your kids are there!! Have DH find out what could happen legally let alone what could happen if you were caught in the cross fire of a drug deal gone bad....and eventually they all do.

    Answer by PsychicSherry at 9:58 AM on May. 19, 2011

  • I understand that your husband is in denial, but all you need is a drugged out guy who is owed money to endanger your kids. (or your in laws). Sounds like 23 yo needs some tough love and that is a whole ball of wax I know nothing about. There are unfortunately plenty of news stories about kids getting caught in the cross fire of a drug deal gone bad and without villianizing the relative you can point out that you don't and won't trust the person in the car buying drugs near your kids.

    Answer by hotelmom123 at 10:02 AM on May. 19, 2011

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