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2 Bumps

Is it a mistake? Does unplanned = unwanted?

I go out of my house into the neighborhood I grew up in and I get the look from EVERYONE. I made a mistake. I am an ignorant teenage girl who fucked up (excuse my wording).
But I didn't. I didn't make a mistake. I got married, I wanted a baby, I'm having a baby.
Before my wedding ring became too tight and had to be taken off, it was still the same. No one seemed to notice I was married. I had a man to "take care of me". I'm nineteen, sure, but I'm not stupid. I know sex = babies, and I intentionally had unprotected sex with my husband in hopes of getting a baby. Is this wrong? (My husband is 30 and didn't want to be like his father, who was 32 and took no note of him as a child, so yes, I admit, I didn't see kids in my future till mid-twenties, but I still always saw kids in my future.)

I was an unplanned pregnancy, as was my own mother. If there is one thing that I am sure of, even over "There is a God", it is that unplanned does not mean unwanted.

Do you get treated this way? Did you? In the future, will you treat others this way? How does this make you feel? I really want to know, does it anger you? make you melancholy?


Asked by M.Galvan at 12:12 AM on May. 19, 2011 in Pregnancy

Level 12 (902 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • When I was in Preschool a boy said, "If your parents didn't plan on having you, then you were a mistake." I cried and asked my mother, "Mom, was I a mistake?" My beautiful mother said, "No honey, you were a surprise". I love my mother.

    Answer by Aneya at 12:05 PM on May. 19, 2011

  • absolutely not. unplanned does not equal a mistake. and age has no factor in this especially if you wanted and tried for the baby. i had my first kid 3mths before i turned 19, i was married had been since i was 17, i love my baby, now babies. dont mind what others think. truth be told it will be hard, and sometimes you may feel overwhelmed but a baby... well there is just nothing like it. carry yourself and that baby bump around with pride because you are doing something amazing. and you just cant know how amazing until that beautiful baby is here. congradulations.

    Answer by 2breath2live at 12:19 AM on May. 19, 2011

  • both my children were unplanned, but not unwanted. If I didn't want them, I wouldn't have them with me now, I would have given them up for adoption. They are everything to me :)

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 12:41 AM on May. 19, 2011

  • I definently dont believe unplanned means unwanted.

    All I can say to you is, and I know this is hard cause you feel it all the time but honestly DONT WORRY about what others think! If you dont concern yourself with the looks and the thoughts you will truly feel and hold her head high, you know the truth and you know your situation....thats all that matters.

    Answer by Princess_s21 at 12:29 AM on May. 19, 2011

  • I was 22 when my oldest was born and 25 when my youngest was born. everyone always says "You are so young to have children" I just smile and say "no, not really, my Mother had 3 by age 21. I am doing just fine!" They normally make the sour grape face and leave it be.
    My oldest wasn't planned, I wanted to wait 5 years of being married before we started trying for kids but our bodies had other ideas. She was unplanned but I tell you what as soon as the shock wore off from that little test giving me a plus sign she was 100% wanted! My youngest WAS planned and I love her and was just as excited to have her as I was her sister.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:41 AM on May. 19, 2011

  • I was 18 when I had my first child - I was married and had been for two years (got married at 16), living in my own place, worked and went to college but I still got looks from complete strangers. It irked me a little bit but then I'd just remind myself of everyone else in my life who knew that my child was planned and that I was in a good place, a better place than even some women I knew in their mid-20's who were pregnant the same time I was but people assume to much based on how a situation looks without any real knowledge or understanding of it. DH and I are happily married and next month will be our 9th wedding anniversary and next month is also when I'll be giving birth to our 5th child.

    Answer by anon1986East at 12:44 AM on May. 19, 2011

  • Unwanted is completely different from unplanned. Some people get pregnant and are super happy about it..others are not and it can equal unwanted. I was 17 when i got pregnant with my first son, unplanned..but very much wanted. and at 20 the same thing happened.

    No one looks at me weird because where and when I got pregnant was kinda the norm in that town (yea I know)..I mean up here in the North ppl look down at me for having two kids out of wedlock. Actually som,e ppl assumes im married and my husband is like truck driving or in Iraq..seriously! I dont think i am going to get married anytime soon. I have had very back luck with relationships and am currently trying to focus on my kids.

    Answer by SweetPoison at 12:55 AM on May. 19, 2011

  • I wasn't married when I had my first child, but I was 21 (she was born the month before my 22nd birthday). We got married later that year, and I birthed our second child seven months ago at 25 (I'm turning 26 next month). Even though I was older people still acted like that. With DD1, they actually suggested abortion/adoption even though I was in college full time and working two jobs to take care of myself and the coming baby. I'm glad I didn't list to "they." :) Both of my daughters were unplanned, but also unprevented. I wanted children ever since I was one, and DH and I knew we wanted them someday in our future married lives. We had actually been trying a few years before we conceived DD1, but had stopped trying. Unplanned does not equate unwanted.

    Answer by AmourSpork at 12:57 AM on May. 19, 2011

  • i get treated like that sometimes because my husband and i are having a baby i'm 17 he's 19 we ave our own apartment he has a job and our baby has his own room and everything that he needs

    Answer by mamawilbur at 1:12 AM on May. 19, 2011

  • I don't think unplanned=unwanted! I believe every baby is a gift from God and there is a reason for him/her creation. Enjoy your pregnancy and all the best to you.



    Answer by Ashoonik at 1:16 AM on May. 19, 2011