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2 Bumps

I don't know how much more I can take.

I was a little upset that dh let me and our 20 month old sleep on the couch without waking me, he went to bed and left a candle burring on the desk, and all the lights on in the house on. I wakeup, shut everything off, and head to bed. I roll over and dh asks what's wrong, instead of fighting I pretend to sleep. Dh gets up and throws a tv table against the wall, breaking it!!! He woke our son up. I'm at a loss of what to do. He is depressed and has anxiety, but he is on medication for it, and for the most part has it under control, or so I thought, I'm calling in the am to make him an appointment. I have never been scared of my dh, until tonight. I love this man, and want to get him help, instead of walking away from him, but it's hard. :( where do I draw the line? I'm downstairs bc I don't even know how to lay in the same bed as him right now.....

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:14 AM on May. 19, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • Obviously I don't know the whole story. Leaving a candle on is stupid, really stupid. But leaving you on the couch instead of waking you up is not the crime of the century and I don't think he deserved the silent treatment for that. If you want a mature relationship, you shouldn't play games either.

    I think relationship counseling would also be a good idea
    Saya

    Answer by Saya at 8:43 AM on May. 19, 2011

  • I know how hard it must be, but the safety of you and your child is most importan, if your scared of this man, I strongly suggest you stay away for a period of time so he can sort his head out.
    kylie_bob

    Answer by kylie_bob at 2:21 AM on May. 19, 2011

  • hugs mama
    mamawilbur

    Answer by mamawilbur at 2:24 AM on May. 19, 2011

  • If you want to stand by him then talk with him. Tell him how you're feeling and at least you are aware that he's trying to work on things with his medication. Maybe he needs to get them checked for dosage to see if they need to be upped or lowered. Sometimes you have to put up with things that might mess with your head for everything else to get better. That's your choice for you to make. Drawing the line is if he does physically hurt you out of anger. If you need to write it out to let him to read, maybe that's something, but walking on eggshells till he gets better gradually might be a challenge...it can be done and you can be strong through it all. G'luck to you. Communicate, show him you care, but make sure he knows how it's making you feel too so you can get through whatever it is together. As for the lights and not waking you up...it happens. -Hugs-
    Imortlmommy

    Answer by Imortlmommy at 2:24 AM on May. 19, 2011

  • Don't leave him. He needs you, and he needs help. If it gets physical, than maybe move in with your parents or a friend for a while.-- Just you and DS, hope things get better.
    amberpatterson

    Answer by amberpatterson at 2:29 AM on May. 19, 2011

  • (((((HUGS)))))
    Ashoonik

    Answer by Ashoonik at 2:27 AM on May. 19, 2011

  • I too suffer from depression and anxiety, and I'm on meds for it as well. I will tell you that I don't play headgames very well either. Either my DH tells me what he really means, or he just doesn't talk to me. I can't handle it, and DH has learned this quickly since I was diagnosed. I have a very short fuse, but I also do not throw things or break items in our home, nor do I wake up the children or throw a fit around them. Your DH NEEDS to learn new coping techniques, and as quickly as possible. You need to be supportive and make your relationship as simple as you can from your side. It WILL get better, he just needs the coping techniques and proper meds that his body can process the right way. He was totally in the wrong, by the way, but you could have helped the situation if you had just spoken up when he asked you what was wrong. I hope this helps you at least a little. Good luck!
    lovingmy4babies

    Answer by lovingmy4babies at 9:14 AM on May. 19, 2011

  • I do feel he was wrong for letting me sleep on the couch with our 20 month old, with the candle lite in the same room, what if it would have started a fire?! And I explained to him later why I was a little upset and felt midnight was not the time to deal with it, he told me I was being immature and stupid about it. Why should MY concerns have to be neglected because he can't properly deal with things. I WAS was trying to be mature about it by not making a big deal about it. I left the situation alone.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:33 AM on May. 19, 2011

  • you didnt have to "fight" with him that night but the candle would have been my concern. what would he have said if you told him that night "you left the candle burning man, what were you thinking?" if he would have turned that into a fight then i'd say holy moly yes let it wait. just try to maybe walk tip toes around him for a while until you can stay somewhere else or get him some help. just be careful because he got violent when you didnt expect it.
    ThatBoysMom

    Answer by ThatBoysMom at 11:54 AM on May. 19, 2011