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3 Bumps

Which bedtime stories do YOU like best?

My favorite is this one:

Go the Fuck to Sleep
by Adam Mansbach

The cats nestle close to their kittens now.
The lambs have laid down with the sheep.
You're cozy and warm in your bed, my dear.
Please go the fuck to sleep.

The windows are dark in the town, child.
The whales huddle down in the deep.
I'll read you one very last book if you swear
You'll go the fuck to sleep.

The eagles who soar through thte sky are at rest
And the creatures who crawl, run, and creep.
I know you're not thirsty. That's bullshit. Stop lying.
Lie the fuck down, my darling, and sleep.

The wind whispers soft through the grass, hon.
The field mice, they make not a peep.
It's been thirty-eight minutes already.
Jesus Christ, what the fuck? Go to sleep.

All the kids from day care are in dreamland.
The froggie has made his last leap.
Hell no, you can't go to the bathroom.
You know where you can go? The fuck to sleep.

The owls fly forth from the treetops.
Through the air, they soar and they sweep.
A hot crimson rage fills my heart, love.
For real, shut the fuck up and sleep.

The cubs and the lions are snoring,
Wrapped in a big snuggly heap.
How is it you can do all this other great shit
But you can't lie the fuck down and sleep?

The seeds slumber beneath the earth now
And the crops that the farmers will reap.
No more questions. This interview's over.
I've got two words for you, kid: fucking sleep.

The tiger reclines in the simmering jungle.
The sparrow has silenced her cheep.
Fuck your stuffed bear, I'm not getting you shit.
Close your eyes. Cut the crap. Sleep.

The flowers doze low in the meadows
And high on the mountains so steep.
My life is a failure, I'm a shitty-ass parent.
Stop fucking with me, please, and sleep.

The giant pangolins of Madagascar are snoozing.
As I lie here and openly weep.
Sure, fine, whatever, I'll bring you some milk.
Who the fuck cares? You're not gonna sleep.

This room is all I can remember.
The furniture crappy and cheap.
You win. You escape. You run down the hall.
As I nod the fuck off, and sleep.

Bleary and dazed I awaken
To find your eyes shut, so I keep
My fingers crossed tight as I tiptoe away
And pray that you're fucking asleep.

We're finally watching our movie.
Popcorn's in the microwave. Beep.
Oh shit. Goddamn it. You've gotta be kidding.
Come on, go the fuck back to sleep.

 
ABeaverhausen

Asked by ABeaverhausen at 12:19 PM on May. 19, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 24 (21,466 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • I'd love to see it with the pics. Last night my sweet little dd who will often climb into bed with her older sis was found with pen colored all over her, still have not found the pen and she looks at me and says I don't know and shrugs! Had to also wash her big sis's sheets the other day because she snuck some chocolates into her sisters bed, fell asleep and them melted all over the girls and the sheets. Again she has no idea how this happened! She's 3 and a ton of fun!!!!
    AmandaH321

    Answer by AmandaH321 at 12:42 PM on May. 19, 2011

  • Have you seen the pictures to go with it? Hillarious!! Cute kids running around sleeping animals and cities. I've fallen off my chair laughing a few times reading it. :)
    Sebbiemama

    Answer by Sebbiemama at 12:32 PM on May. 19, 2011

  • my son has sleeping issues ( last night was up til MIDNIGHT ) My girlfriend sent me the link to buy this from Amazon- too funny!!
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 12:21 PM on May. 19, 2011

  • I Love this! Someone snuck into my house and wrote about it, didn't they?
    MeandMyBabes

    Answer by MeandMyBabes at 12:26 PM on May. 19, 2011

  • omg too funny
    rinamomof2

    Answer by rinamomof2 at 12:57 PM on May. 19, 2011

  • i saw this on facebook and it is to funny :)
    tiffanyv123

    Answer by tiffanyv123 at 1:17 PM on May. 19, 2011

  • I have! Someone just sent me a PDF of it with the pictures and everything and I was dying!!!
    ABeaverhausen

    Comment by ABeaverhausen (original poster) at 12:38 PM on May. 19, 2011