Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

SO and I not agreeing on a punishment

My DD took my SO work phone to her friends house and left it there overnight and then we didnt know about it till the next evening..when her and her friend were calling his personal phone...he didnt seem that mad,but I was..i told her she was grounded to her room for the rest of lastnight and all of today...she has nothing in her room but a bed and clothes...I feel like I should give her something to do...she is only 5 and although she knows better then to take things...she is kind of young I think to be spending a whole day only coming out for meals in her rooom with nothing to do...she is cleaning it since she pulled all the clothes out...but after that there is nothing but sitting ont he bes starring at the walls...now SO thinks it's fair...I think it's mean...he says he would do that to his own children but I kind of doubt itbut now he's bringin up shit she did in the pat...like popping the air mattress...it pisses me off...get the fuck over it..his kids colored in permanent marker all over his $5,00 custom made sofa...my DD poppeda hole in a $40 mattress...but he's not her kid so it makes it worse I guess...it just pisses me off and I dont know how to handle this

Answer Question
 
happymama02

Asked by happymama02 at 12:34 PM on May. 19, 2011 in Relationships

Level 16 (3,162 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • Ok wait this is not his dd? She is yours? Then he has no say. Do what you want with YOUR child and tell him to back off. Having her in her room all night and all day at 5 yrs old is not a good punishment. That is like a time out and no more then 1 min per year is recommended.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 12:36 PM on May. 19, 2011

  • Do what you feel is right. All that time for a 5 year old is too much. Punishments are to help children learn what they did wrong, not break their spirits.
    Kari727

    Answer by Kari727 at 12:37 PM on May. 19, 2011

  • I have to fully agree with Gemgem. You should not give him THIS much say over your child, even in a shared home. I also agree all day in a room for a 5 year old is harsh - me and DH are constantly at each other about punishment for our son so I understand the complete frustration part of it - good luck
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 12:39 PM on May. 19, 2011

  • yeah I told him she will stay i there only becaseu I had already told her she was going to and I'm having issues wit her not listening right now so I need to follow through but when she is done cleaning I will be giving her her leapster laptop at least.
    happymama02

    Comment by happymama02 (original poster) at 12:43 PM on May. 19, 2011

  • You do know that is considered neglect and abusive right? If a neighbor or someone were to come over and see that than you would likely get into a ton of trouble if cps got involved? I feel sorry for your poor daughter. She is only 5 years old and surely does not understand why her mom and some man who is not even her dad want to lock her away in her room.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:47 PM on May. 19, 2011

  • Stand up for your daughter! She's only 5 for heaven's sake. I can't even believe you are allowing this nonsense.
    Orionsgirl

    Answer by Orionsgirl at 12:51 PM on May. 19, 2011

  • She's not locked away anywhere and she does understand...i just asked her why she has to spend he day in her room and she told me why...shes come out several times to tell me something or get a drink and to eat...i didnt like put her in there and lock her in or anything...that would be mean and it's not neglect if im here and shes getting food and drinks and allowed to use the bathroom whenever...there is nothing wrong with a kid spending the day in their room as a punishment I just dont agree it should be in an empty room at her age...if she were a teenager or somthing then yeah.
    happymama02

    Comment by happymama02 (original poster) at 12:53 PM on May. 19, 2011

  • I asked a question yesterday that referenced sticking kids in thier room for long periods of time... I think it can be abuse. It's atleast unproductive. You're just going get the kid in more trouble this way. They get bored and they start destroying thier own room. I think you have to put your foot down with your SO. It's not punishment. To a 5yo, that's torture!
    Ms.Gwen

    Answer by Ms.Gwen at 12:55 PM on May. 19, 2011

  • His main issue is i have troble following through with what I say...and i do and my kids know it and they walk all over me becasue of it....she was grounded to the house not too long ago and she was being sooo good that i gave in and let her go play outside...well the second that happened she started acting up...so I can see where he is coming from by not wanting me to give in and let her out...she is rather smart for her age and understand alot...more then i think she would and she can be very minipulative now i know that's not the right word in refrence to a 5 yo but it's all i can think of...she knows how to get what she wants and she does it...so that's why he's against me giving in...but I am giving her omething to do at least and something educational too so it's not soo bad..
    happymama02

    Comment by happymama02 (original poster) at 1:02 PM on May. 19, 2011

  • Let me get this straight...she's CLEANING her room, correct? I would say if she did a good job at cleaning, then allowing her to come out "for good behavior" would be a good thing. If you think this is a good idea, let her know.

    I disagree with most of the posters here...as long as she has something she's doing, its not torture. If she was just sitting there with nothing to do AT ALL, then yes, I would consider that abuse and cruel. I've stuck my kids in their rooms "all day" and told them they needed to clean it, and when they were done cleaning, then they could come out and watch tv. The longer it took them to clean, the longer they were "stuck" in the room.
    hopeandglory53

    Answer by hopeandglory53 at 1:04 PM on May. 19, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.

Next question in Relationships
I'm just pissed...

Next question overall (Beauty & Style)
Hairquestion..

close Cafemom Join now to connect to other members! Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN