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Is it craziness to schedule friendships?

Ok, I am looooonley. lol. I guess its my own fault. I thought my husband and kids were all I need. Not trying to say friendships aren't important. I know they are, especially now. I have a lot of migraines. It makes keeping up with everyday life chores difficult. When I became a mom, I still had friends but when I started getting all these migraines my time became so limited that I just felt it was easier if I just managed my family and try not to add anything extra to the mix. Theres nothing like a good female friend though. As much as I love my family its just not the same and I still feel lonely. Dh is in the military so if he's not working long hours, he's tdy. He's got a long tdy coming up. He's going to be away for 6 months.Mom was going to come and stay with us for a month but now she says she may not be able to. I just got so sad and I had to ask myself is it normal for a 37 year old woman to need her mom so much. lol. I think its just the thought of being here by myself for the next 6 months. All my family is at least 6 hours away because dh is in the military and now even he is going to be gone. I wish I could find a friend who understood that I may have to say ok on this day at this time is a good time to meet up but should I be scheduling friendships like that? I had a friend a little while ago (she moved away a few months ago) who liked to drop by any old time. On the one hand I like that freedom to be able to have a friend drop by whenever and to be able to do so myself but as a mom with so many migraines I can barely keep my house clean enough to have company. I used to get so behind and sometimes would even forget things needing to be done because once she came over unexpectedly we didn't know when to shut up and go home. lol. I do miss her company though but I don't miss the extra stress I had trying to upkeep my home/family life. Hubby wasn't always too thrilled either when after a long day of work she'd drop by and her kids can be loud. Anyone else find it hard to manage your families needs and your responsiblilities with your own friendship needs? I did have a friend once who would just meet up with me at a certain time and day once a week and that worked out great. Is it wrong to ask someone this in order to have a friendship with them or is it a little selfish on my part? I just want to make my life as stress free as possible due to the fact that I have so many migraines which are made worse by stress and having a friend who could understand this would be a god send. :o) I really just need someone who wants nothing more than good conversation and time spent together even if it does have to be scheduled.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:17 PM on May. 19, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • I think that is perfectly acceptable. Most people have things to do during the day, errands to run, this ensures that you guys can actually get together.
    HollyBoBolly

    Answer by HollyBoBolly at 1:22 PM on May. 19, 2011

  • I don't have any drop-in friends. We all make appointments to walk or have lunch or see a movie, etc. This way we can make plans for other parts of our lives. Since your migraines are messing with your life, you should get them taken care of. Feeling sick makes a person too tired to do much, when you feel better you'll feel more like making friends and getting together with them.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 1:22 PM on May. 19, 2011

  • I think you're like many wives and mother's and more so military wife :) I do it just liket this and always have, I schedule "dates" with a friend here and there just to get some grown up girl time. As for the house being clean, girl I clean up 5 mnutes before someone comes over and if its unexpected, oh well its there fault lol
    yesmaam

    Answer by yesmaam at 1:23 PM on May. 19, 2011

  • One of my best friends and I have not seen each other for a year. We keep in touch but my kid gets sick, there's get sick. Its hard to be a good friend when you don't have lots of time to devote to the matter. Do you have a facebook page where you can keep connected with lots of people and find some long lost friends, where you can post "looking for some girls night out fun on blah date, who is in?" A little daily communication goes a long way.
    hotelmom123

    Answer by hotelmom123 at 1:23 PM on May. 19, 2011

  • That's the only way I get together with my friends. I don't have people stop by "unexpectedly" unless it's family or clients. My family comes first, I have fibromyalgia, diabetes, migraines, and a handful of other health issues. My son has SID and is autistic (high performing), my dh works 10 hours a day Monday thru Friday and 12-18 hours every other Saturday, 5 hours alternating Saturdays of that. My middle son is involved with sports, I go to the gym, tanning, run my own business, and the household including all the yard work. I don't have time or patience for people to just "drop by". My friends, the ones I care to hang out with, knows that my schedule is nuts, they understand if they don't get to talk or see me for a month or so. It is hard but it is doable. Right now I meet up with 3 or 4 different friends a week... Adult play dates are great lol
    kitchenwitch78

    Answer by kitchenwitch78 at 1:25 PM on May. 19, 2011

  • Its good to have friends. and it is nothing wrong with missing your mom and wanting to spend time with her as well. My DH was in the service and i understand it gets lonely.
    5heartbeats

    Answer by 5heartbeats at 7:14 PM on May. 19, 2011

  • please listen to my answer, i get ignored a lot on here, but i really want to try and help you. i suffer from migraines and i had been to a number of different doctors and neurologists and nobody could help me. ever. what you need is a migraine preventative if you don't already have one. if you already have one then i would venture to say it's not working very well for you and you need a different one. my husband found me a doctor that prescribed an old school preventative medicine for me THAT WORKS. it is called amitriptyline. i take 20mg(two 10mg pills) each night before i go to sleep. and then you need an at home emergency treament for when you do get migraines. and of course you will have to talk to your doctor about all of this. but i'm telling you, i was just like you. i had to really schedule everything and had no room for spontaneity and ended up canceling on people A LOT and it's difficult to keep friends that wayCONT
    pmg1030

    Answer by pmg1030 at 8:52 AM on May. 21, 2011

  • after ending up at my doctor's office 3 times with severe migraines that would not go away with out a shot toradol(which makes the migraine go away but knocks out and puts you out of the count for the rest of the day pretty much) my doctor gave me a shot of sumavel the 4th time i went in. this shot was not a needle. it's compressed air which contains the medicine and a powerful little "shot". hurts like heck sometimes but my migraine was gone in less than 30 minutes and it doesn't put me to sleep. anyone can issue this shot. you can give it to yourself or your husband can give it to you when he's home. my husband always gives me my shot when i'm sick because i'm a big baby LOL. but since being on my preventative and having those shots right in my house, it has enabled me to LIVE MY LIFE again. i really hope that you'll look in to it. the at home treatment is called sumavel-pro. i experience migraines less than once a month now
    pmg1030

    Answer by pmg1030 at 8:57 AM on May. 21, 2011

  • CONT that number is down from 1-3 times every week! HUGE improvement for me. and i can go and do whatever i want and maintain my house and my other responsibilities. i hope that you will ask about it and i hope it helps you to reclaim your life as it has me. i'm sorry to hear you're lonley. also look into meetup.com for your local area :-)
    pmg1030

    Answer by pmg1030 at 9:00 AM on May. 21, 2011

  • oh and i almost forgot to tell you that what you eat is very important in preventing migraines as well. there are certain food and chemical triggers that you MUST AVOID and everybody is different but some of mine are MSG(usually in chinese food) and in all of campbell's soups and ramen, red food dye(RED40) and dark rich chocolate. some cheeses also but i personally don't have a problem with cheese...thank goodness lol. you can google the common migraine triggers though and keep a food diary to find out what yours are and then avoid them like the plague
    pmg1030

    Answer by pmg1030 at 9:05 AM on May. 21, 2011

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