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I need help/advice!

I need to share a little background. I was diagnosed with MS when my daughter was 6 months old. My husband and I divorced when she was 13. I remarried a wonderful man when she was 16. She was diagnosed with ADHD at 16. She is now 19, and a freshman in college. EVERYTHING with this girl is a struggle. I have to fight with her to keep her bedroom/bathroom cleaned up. She is extremely disrespectful to me, and won't even acknowledge her step-father. Shes is on medication for her ADHD when she REMEMBERS to take it. She is extremely overweight (220 lbs), and lazy. I am MAKING her get a summer job, but so far no luck. She is attending college on the child support/social security money I put into a CD for her, or HER money as she calls it. She has 1 friend, although she has LOTS of internet friends. I think she needs counseling, but since she is over 18, she needs to schedule it, and won't. My MS, although stable for a long time, has begun to get worse. She never asks if I need help, and argues with me when I ask for help. All my friends with college-age kids look forward to their kids coming home.......I don't! Her father doesn't bother with her at all. She keeps telling me that she is going to move her grandparent's, who would let her do whatever she wants! I am at my wit's end!

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Asked by jensmom1961 at 1:44 PM on May. 19, 2011 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 3 (13 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • As you note, because she is of age, there's not a heck of a lot you can do for counseling unless she also has psychotic episodes or is a danger to herself or others.

    I'm going to pass on a website to you, even though it's a different state:

    Jason was a young man here in CA who had a severe psychotic break last year and died five days after the break. His story is on the website. His parents, David and Linda, have dedicated themselves to helping people with mental disorders. I interviewed them recently and they are VERY nice folks and might have some ideas of resources for you; they recently helped the family of a young schizophrenic woman to set up a conservatorship. Again, their experience is on CA, but possibly they might have some ideas.

    Answer by gdiamante at 1:51 PM on May. 19, 2011

  • let grandma and grandpa deal with princess then mama! Have someone change the locks next time she goes out and tell her she has ONE WEEK to come pick up her crap or it'll see the nearest dumpster.

    Answer by purplerobin at 2:49 AM on May. 21, 2011

  • let her go but keep pushing to get help goodluck

    Answer by n740 at 2:02 AM on May. 22, 2011

  • I think you are right about her needing counseling but since she's 19 you can't make her go. You can make her get out of your house though. I hate to say it but I think she should be cut off, kicked out, and left to fend for herself. She doesn't seem to appreciate anything you do for her. I know it won't be easy, but I think she needs to go. Good luck.

    Answer by lisalmeyer86 at 12:25 PM on May. 25, 2011

  • You do not need the stress. She does need counseling, but she is of age. I wish I could help more.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:28 PM on May. 25, 2011

  • I'd tell her she either goes to counseling sticks to a regular med schedule and treatment plan and changes her attitude towards you or she can get out.. help her with college if you like, or anthing else, but you need to be concerned what the stress of this will do to your body and how it will effect your MS..

    Answer by girlglow6 at 12:33 PM on May. 25, 2011

  • Sounds like your daughter has been using you as her door mat for a while. You are enabling her treatment of you by allowing her to treat you so badly. Since she is of age, I would talk with her about your feelings being hurt and your MS getting worse, if she isn’t willing to change and help you then she needs to go. She is either part of the problem or part of the solution, it’s her choice. Adult children get choices, so that’s what you’re doing for her, giving her a choice.
    As far as the money you put away for her schooling, it’s still something you did for her that you can take away also. The child support you put away was for you to make sure she had a roof over her head, food on the table, and clothes on her back, if you were able to put some away for her college good for you, but that still doesn’t make it her money anymore than if you had used it to buy food for her.
    Good luck

    Answer by Carolee1 at 1:08 PM on May. 27, 2011

  • wow, that's just a bad situation all the way around. She obviously has no respect or concern and I find that very selfish and sad. I can see how you would struggle with her. Let her move out then...if her grandparents are willing...let her give it a try. The 2x I've seen this the grandparents end up not being able to cope with them long term EITHER. She will have to "get real'. She's in the real world out there now and we don't just get to treat people like crap and then have them lovingly meet all our needs. She needs to grow UP. It's called 'tough love" in some situations. You're ILL for godsakes,...she has no respect for THAT?? She's 18 and immature. If GP's are willing then see how it goes. I wish you all the luck and it sounds like you have tried to do what you could. Some just have to learn the hard way.

    Answer by KellyGirl_TX at 3:20 PM on Jun. 4, 2011

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