Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

For Birthmoms that are anti APs or PAPs-honest question

This is an honest question: What should happen to a child who's biological family cannot, for any reason, raise him or her?

I am Anon so that we can concentrate on the question.


Asked by Anonymous at 2:33 PM on May. 19, 2011 in Adoption

This question is closed.
Answers (25)
  • I don't understand why someone would be anti-adoptive parent. Does this mean that they think the children should always be placed with family? I think the best interest of the child should be looked at on a case by case basis.

    Answer by scout_mom at 2:41 PM on May. 19, 2011

  • I'm an AM and I have to say that I've learned an awful lot from just reading in the BM group. It's helped me understand adoption from a different POV. Which to me, is important. I want to try and understand all of the feelings and emotions involved because I think that will only benefit my children and their birthparents in the long run. I also have an open adoption, but I don't think I'll ever understand my sons mothers deepest feelings because I've never been in her shoes. I do also think that there are a lot of strong opinions in that group that I absolutely don't agree with. From my POV, I don't think that they're all anti adoption so to speak. I think that they are for family preservation like susie703 said, but in circumstances where the child is in danger or if the parents and extended family are unfit then adoption is an answer. I don't speak for anyone in the BM, that is just my POV.

    Answer by The3Vs at 4:10 PM on May. 19, 2011

  • I agree with Susie703 in saying that in every case that it's possible, the child should be placed with family. If that's not possible, then the child will either go into foster care until they are 18, or be adopted before they are 18 by adoptive parents. There is no set rule about how and when this happens and depends on many things. 1) was the child neglected or abused? 2) can the birth family keep them safe and nurture them to adulthood? 3) how long have they been in care? 4) how old are they and do they want to be adopted? a jillion things.... that add up to the best interests of the child.

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 7:41 PM on May. 19, 2011

  • What is AP and PAP?

    Answer by scout_mom at 2:35 PM on May. 19, 2011

  • Maybe (my opinion only) they feel that their children were taken from them for unjustified reasons and instead of taking thier anger out on CPS they are taking it out on the Adoptive mothers.....?

    Answer by Lucky209 at 2:51 PM on May. 19, 2011

  • Since I'm not anti aparents or paps I can't answer.

    Answer by onethentwins at 2:52 PM on May. 19, 2011

  • I don't get it. If they were so against adoption and adoptive parents then why did they give their children up in the first place?

    Answer by heatherann0221 at 2:52 PM on May. 19, 2011

  • apologies...

    Answer by girlglow6 at 2:55 PM on May. 19, 2011

  • You must not have read very much in the Birthmothers group, or perhaps you are anti-birthmother to make such a claim??

    Most of us in the group are FOR family preservation, not anti-adoption. We most certainly are NOT an anti-PAP or AP group. Mostly we are a support group for mothers who are living with adoption loss. When an expectant mother comes to our group and asks us for advice regarding adoption, we give her the information necessary to make an INFORMED decision, and will continue to support her no matter what choice she makes. Our members include birthmothers, adoptive mothers, a few mothers who were close to becoming a mother of adoption loss, as well as adult adoptees.

    For those of you who are taking this ANONYMOUS poster at her words regarding our group, maybe you should think about why she is posting without her name, and then not make any judgements without personal knowledge of the group.

    Answer by susie703 at 3:32 PM on May. 19, 2011

  • You state your question is "for birthmoms that are anti-APs or PAPs". You later state that you are referencing the birthmoms group. I am saying that I don't think the moms in that group are anti-aps or paps.

    Most of us believe that adoption should only take place if there is abuse or a true lack of desire to parent. Our views are about adoption, not the people doing the adopting. I know of nobody in the group who is specifically against ap's or pap's.

    Also, after reading these replies again, I would like to add that most of the cases discussed in that group are relative to domestic infant adoption, not adoption from foster care.

    Answer by susie703 at 3:54 PM on May. 19, 2011