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my daughter is 13. i can't make her clean her own room. I've tried showing her how to do it herself, suggested stuffs to help her make her room nice. But still i found myself cleaning for her after sending her to school

She gets up at 6:30 in the morning and comes home from school at almost 7 in the evening. And goes to cram school 3times a week. Between 7:30 pm till 10 pm. she scarsely have time to watch tv tho during this days of the week so she goes to bed before 11pm. Apart from this cram school schedules, after getting home from school she sits in front of the tv while having dinner and gets to her homeworks (in front of the tv).
On Saturday she practices basketball otherwise she'd be at home watching tv or using the computer. Sundays Igive to her the whole day for a total rest for the whole week,but at least (i aks her) clean her own room.

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Asked by brenda140 at 8:11 PM on May. 19, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

Level 4 (46 Credits)
Answers (30)
  • why should she do it if she knows you will do it for her?

    Answer by Mel_in_PHX at 8:12 PM on May. 19, 2011

  • Of course she will not clean. She knows you will do it for her.

    Answer by pookiekins34 at 8:14 PM on May. 19, 2011

  • as long as there are no dirty clothes or food in there just have her keep the door closed. The consequence is her own lost or broken items, having to put away her own laundry, which if she chooses not to do... well then she has wrinkled clothes as well.

    Answer by But_Mommie at 8:14 PM on May. 19, 2011

  • Stop doing it for her, if she can't find something, too bad. If she doesn't have clean clothes, show her the washer and dryer.
    I do not turn around or bring things to my kids school, they are 10 and 12. If the clothes is not put out in the hamper - it doesn't get washed.
    Set up a few rules and stick to them. Be strong and stand by, the rules.

    Answer by SassySue123 at 8:16 PM on May. 19, 2011

  • I have two very busy teens as well, so I understand the crazy schedule. I would tell her - nicely but firmly, because this isn't a punishment, it's a solution - this:
    "You need to pick up after yourself in your room, it doesn't take that long to put things away as you go, then to take a few minutes on Sunday to sweep the floor, etc. I understand that your schedule is really full right now, but if you can't do this, then we might need to look at what needs to be cut out of it so that you have more time for life basics."

    OR, if you can put up with it and stop yourself from cleaning it - just shut the door. At this age, it's not uncommon for their rooms to be a mess. We have some basic rules for our teens - no food in the rooms. If your laundry is left all over, it doesn't get washed. Every so often, they get a weeks notice that it's getting out of hand, and deal with it or be grounded.


    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 8:17 PM on May. 19, 2011

  • cont

    Other than that, if they want to live in a mess, it's their choice. Our ds lived in a mess for awhile. He still lives in clutter, but not so bad. Our dd lived in clutter, a mess sometimes, but now she's more likely to keep it clean.

    Now that they're older (but not when they were 13 and it was a mess), they can have food in there, BUT - the dishes / garbage comes out immediately. If not, then it's back to no food in the bedrooms.

    But whatever you do, I know it's hard, but for her sake, I suggest you STOP cleaning it for her, because honestly, why should she clean it? She knows that if she leaves it long enough, you'll do it for her (not doing her any good in the long run), and she justifies it because she's busy.


    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 8:21 PM on May. 19, 2011

  • U shouldn't have to show a 13 yr old that. Take her stuff away like cellphone, tv, computer, extracurricular activities.

    Answer by emmyandlisa at 8:21 PM on May. 19, 2011

  • I wouldn't want to clean it on Sunday either since that seems to be her only day to herself. It sounds like she's completely overextended. You need to drop some things. 10 PM is entirely too late for a 13 year old to be getting home and still have homework to do.
    Step 1: Figure out your child’s workload
    This is a great way of visualising the extent of your child’s extra-curricular commitments – if you’re doing one a night it might not have sunk in just how busy she is. Ask your child fetch one important item connected with each activity, tutorial, hobby or sport they do. Get them to make a pile of the items and then start giving them each separate item to hold. At some point they’ll be overloaded and run out of arm space – a great metaphor for just how overloaded their schedules are. -

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:42 PM on May. 19, 2011

  • Step 2: Decide what’s do-able
    Come to an agreement on how many activities you and your child can reasonably manage across a week, with at least one afternoon and evening of family down-time.

    Step 3: Give your child a voice
    Let your child pick which activities she wants to keep doing – you may find she has long-hated some of them and is only too pleased to give them up!

    Step 4: Have your own say
    For each activity your child picks, you get to pick one too – this should ensure the activities aren’t all weighted in one direction (for example, a range of sports without any more academic choices to provide a balanced range).

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:42 PM on May. 19, 2011

  • Does it really matter? I remember at home it drove my mom crazy that my room was such a mess. We came to the conclusion that we'll close the door but if it starts to smell then I'd have to clean it.I was not allowed to let my mess travel through the house though. I had chores to do to contribute to the house and as long as I did that then I was allowed my messy room. Hated it when mom would "help"me clean it, took so long to find things, I knew exactly where everything was!!!

    Answer by AmandaH321 at 8:45 PM on May. 19, 2011

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