Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

2 Bumps

How can I get her to stop crying?

My 5yr DD has been crying all the time about silly things. She just started doing this. I also have 2 boys ages 6 and 9 and they never cried like this. If shes not crying about something shes whining. Is this just a girl thing? Its driving me crazy and making me an emotional wreck. I'm pregnant and my Blood Pressure is way high these days.

 
EvansMommy31605

Asked by EvansMommy31605 at 8:18 PM on May. 19, 2011 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Level 13 (1,322 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (14)
  • Sorry to type so much, but I didn't think that a suggestion to "listen & validate" would be very clear or meaningful, so I tried to describe/explain.

    My life has gotten a lot better (both the circumstances in terms of what is happening with my kids' behaviors, and also in terms of how I feel in the moment REGARDLESS of circumstances---whether things are going smoothly or whether there are "big feelings") and I am glad I went on principle in spite of my fears ("what if this just reinforces/makes things worse?" etc.) My already-good relationship with my husband has improved, too, (because both of us are more responsible about our own feelings/reactions, and better about giving each other real freedom) & he is even more capable with the kids at "tough times," too.

    What exactly are we telling them when we communicate this crying is something we won't accept or tolerate and they MUST change/stop, anyway?

    Best wishes, it's hard!
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 2:02 PM on May. 23, 2011

  • Ugh, I have a daughter and she is very emotional too! I think it's a girl thing. My daughter started this when she was 5 and she's 8 now and it's still going strong. My son is 5 and he'll look at me and say "Rylie's being a drama queen again". I just send her to her room and tell her to cry in there because the rest of us don't want to hear it. When my nerves aren't so frazzled I talk to her about making better choices so that she doesn't need to be so upset when things don't go her way.
    slw123

    Answer by slw123 at 9:07 PM on May. 19, 2011

  • I think it's a kid thing. My son is 7 and more of a drama queen than his 4 year old sister. It drives me crazy. He'll come out to the livingroom crying and whining that his sister is playing/singing a song that he doesn't like and she won't stop (begin water works). She's doing it in her doorway intentionally to push his buttons.
    Rosehawk

    Answer by Rosehawk at 9:15 PM on May. 19, 2011

  • We are not alone! My seven year old does this too!!! How funny is it that I'm getting excited to hear about other mom's whose kids flip out over running out of cereal, or throwing away an envelope with their name on it, or some other absurd miniscule issue!
    mlivlee

    Answer by mlivlee at 11:00 PM on May. 19, 2011

  • When she starts the crying/whining tell her in a flat non emotional tone of voice that her whiney crying voice hurts your ears and that she need to go to her room. When she is ready to talk to you in a normal voice then you will be ready to listen. If she does this in public get down to her level look her in the eye and tell her until she stops and controls herself you have nothing else to say to her.. Immediate and consistant reaction generally works. When you ignore her and not react to her outburst it eventually becomes boring and she realizes its not making you react.
    mistynights234

    Answer by mistynights234 at 11:26 PM on May. 19, 2011

  • she's 5 she is just too big to be crying for nothing put her in what do the mothers of today called time out ,take something that she really enjoy away from her.and explain to her that [1]she is a big girl now and big girls just don;t cry for nothing [2] explain to her that mommy has another baby in her tummy,and that mommy is not feeling well.talk to her about your blood pressure,she would probably ask about high blood pressure so you will have to explain all the bad stuff it can do to you and her little brother or little sister.i hope it's a girl so your dd will have someone to share girl stuff with
    MADUKES402

    Answer by MADUKES402 at 10:18 AM on May. 20, 2011

  • i have a 7 year old daughter she does this all the time she is sensitive
    rinamomof2

    Answer by rinamomof2 at 6:45 PM on May. 21, 2011

  • I know it can be so frustrating. Crying & distress triggers agitation (feelings of distress) in us. I used to spend a lot of time trying to "fix" whatever the problem was, rationalizing with her, and then getting fed up & irritated. I had a strong sense that she was "wrong" (usually I was willing to engage many of her upsets & explain or talk about it, point out solutions, but when that didn't "solve anything" I would snap into annoyance & impatience.) I will suggest that it is probably best not to assume/believe that any child is crying over "nothing." This is a normal adult response (and I will add that validating & accepting their feelings doesn't imply that you have to "agree" with them) but it is basically minimization & denial. It doesn't help her to resolve her upsets (it gives her more to be upset about--such as receiving the message that she is wrong & makes no sense & her feelings don't matter) because it triggers
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 12:54 PM on May. 23, 2011

  • (cont) protest & defensiveness (I do TOO have the right, it's NOT nothing, etc.) that keeps her in victim mode. She already feels powerless & "wronged" but if you resist her emotions she is not going to resolve these feelings. I don't mean that you feed into the expression or play into it, but that you are a calm presence. I see this as different than being "calm" as a strategy in order to control or manipulate (force her hand by "not giving her what she wants" and not reacting), because you are present & not detached (often the parent who is "calm" as a strategy is actually angry inside, anyway.) And you aren't sending her away until she can conform to your standard, but rather tolerating her & hearing her out. The problem is the degree of agitation you feel when confronted with the crying (which I understand & have felt), but if you can give yourself some presence & still give her presence, seeing that her feelings are hers
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 1:00 PM on May. 23, 2011

  • (cont) and that you simply are a witness, it's possible to become a calm, accepting presence for your upset child. A presence that doesn't tell her that she is wrong, or needs to "stop" in order to be welcome around you, because of her feelings. It is helpful for me to remind myself (about each member of my family) that "they can have their feelings." I don't have to automatically be triggered to upset & agitation (sometimes it's automatic but I can observe it, notice my own internal upset, & accept it without just reacting because of it) & my compassion to myself (self-empathy) helps me have compassion & empathy & tolerance for my kid. Think of it as her griping & complaining; she doesn't expect to be CHALLENGED as to the legitimacy of her feelings, she just expects to be heard & accepted. What if you could provide that, without all the internal upset that you feel? Then she could get through it & move on. I find a big reason
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 1:07 PM on May. 23, 2011

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN