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2 Bumps

Is this "normal" or am I just too emotional?

Long story short, I dated a guy (we went to the same schools from elementary through high school, but never saw each other since we had second grade together-weird!) and we got in contact through Facebook last November. We ended up talking every day and although he was in the military (out of state), we communicated a lot and eventually started dating. He knew from the beginning I had a daughter and we talked about it as much as a single mother can, and he said he was okay with being a part of my daughter's life as well as mine. HE wanted to meet her and get to know her (she's 2 1/2) and see if she liked him/got along with him. He was stationed 10 hours away but it was only going to be for 6 months (it's a lot but we were fine with it). Or so I thought. He ended up saying (on my birthday) that he "didn't think he could handle having a child right now"...etc. It was all out of nowhere for me, but he had said he had been thinking about it for a few days.
Well I got upset/angry/etc because I saw that he's dating someone. It's been a couple months, but I feel hurt. I know it's common when you know your ex is with someone else, but I thought I was over it. But seeing him in a picture with his new girlfriend just made my heart drop. I think I'm angry because I realized, personally, that some guys choose not to be with someone because they have a child.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:40 PM on May. 19, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • I think that these feelings are normal. On a positive note, it is a good thing that he realizes this now and now say a year or more down the road when DD has become attached. It is very hard when dating and having a small child. I had several relationships fail because the guy wasn't ready or committed...
    kayleemommy03

    Answer by kayleemommy03 at 8:44 PM on May. 19, 2011

  • It's better to know that he's not ready for a child now than after your daughter got attached to him and he disappeared hurting her too. I know you're hurting, but you're a big girl, she's a baby, you'll get over it, she'd have extra daddy issues. Delete him from your FB there's no reason for him to still be on there. Change his number to "DO NOT ANSWER" in your phone just in case he tries to mess with your head if this girl doesn't work out. And yes, some guys choose not to be with a woman with children and that's okay. They have every right to want what's right for them just as you deserve to have what's right for you. You're just miffed right now, you'll feel better after a while, you got hurt because you thought this might work out. I wish you all the best.
    Aneya

    Answer by Aneya at 8:46 PM on May. 19, 2011

  • i feel your pain and yes your feelings are totally normal and justifiable. however it's good that he came out with his feelings before it got too serious. my husband didn't, and did think he was ready to marry me and accept my oldest as is, and we went on to have two more children together, and now 2 years later, i think he is afraid to come out and say that having a family and being tied down isn't what he really wants. instead he's telling himself and us this huge lie that he wants this but his actions show otherwise, so all of us are miserable. just a little glimpse for you on the road not traveled. count your blessings and enjoy your daughter :) hugs
    tnm786

    Answer by tnm786 at 8:51 PM on May. 19, 2011

  • as his*** not as is lol
    tnm786

    Answer by tnm786 at 8:52 PM on May. 19, 2011

  • what ur feeling is normal. and i agree with the first 2 answers. maybe your better off. that way you or ur child dont get anymore attached then what already is. good luck mama
    ashes27165

    Answer by ashes27165 at 8:53 PM on May. 19, 2011

  • You are feeling normal feelings. When I separated from my ex and found out months later he was getting married I felt hurt and betrayed and I was the one that left him. You will work through this. Good luck.
    angelmine2011

    Answer by angelmine2011 at 8:57 PM on May. 19, 2011

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